Michael Phelps Get a Job!

Like everyone else, I’ve been watching the Olympics. The other day the announcer mentioned that swimmer Michael Phelps is 31 years old. My first thought was that 31 is super old for an Olympian and it’s time for Phelps to stop playing in the pool, grow up, and get a job like the rest of us adults.


Think about it; he’s splashing around in a pool with kids ten to fifteen years younger than him. Usually that’s creepy. What if he keeps doing that when he gets home from the Olympics?

It’s not just Michael Phelps though, what the hell do all Olympians do for a career after their Olympics are over? They’ve spent their entire life developing a very specific skill set that is useless in the real world. Sure, Michael Phelps could apply to be Aquaman, but I’m pretty sure that he can’t summon ocean creatures with telepathy, so that’s out. I guess he could be a life guard or give swim lessons at the community pool, but for an Olympian who has traveled the world, that seems too mundane. With his affinity for marijuana though, I can see him working at a pot store in Colorado. “Dude, you gotta try this! This ‘Mexican Gold ‘ is way better than Olympic gold!”

Hmm..I've spent my life doing gymnastics. Now what?

Hmm..I’ve spent my life doing gymnastics. Now what?

Yes, what do you do for a job if you’re a 4’11” (1.6 metres) full grown adult and your primary skill set is jumping around and swinging on things? Disney Princess at a theme park? They could stunt double for children in movies, but how many of those jobs are there? I’ve got it! They’d be perfect for standing next to the “You have to be this tall to ride this ride” sign.

Ok, so we’ve got Michael Phelps  and the gymnasts a job, but what about other Olympians? What about the track and field athletes? What do they do? I ran track for years, but not once in adulthood has running fast been a useful skill in any job. Seriously, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt is getting up there in years. What is he going to do next?


Employer at job interview: “What did you say your name is, Insane?

Usain: No, it’s Usain.

Employer: Well Mr. Bolt, I think I may have heard of you. Your Olympic resume is impressive, but what experience do you have in computer programming?”

Usain: Well mon, Me run from here to de other side of de office and back lickety split.  Want to see?

Employer: Lickety split? What the…? No, sit down. That’s not helpful.  You’re going to need to wear real pants. It’s in the dress code. No short shorts. I also need you to program computers lickety split. Can you do that?

Usain: Give mi sponge fi go dry up sea!

Employer: Jeez! With your heavy accent I have no idea what you’re saying! You’ll be perfect for the customer service line! You’re hired!

Happy Saturday everyone! As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share it on social media using the buttons below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

13 responses to “Michael Phelps Get a Job!

  1. Usain Italic is hysterical. I have friends who can do that but it’s usually a few inches down a vodka bottle.

  2. There was an ex-Olympian on a cooking show this morning – Eddie the Eagle (you know, they just made a film about him). Granted, he wasn’t a very good Olympian so maybe he doesn’t mind having more mundane jobs. Seems he’d make an excellent food taster. They kept presenting him with food and he kept eating. Maybe it’s a new event. As for the other GB lot, many appear in adverts. They never say anything, just look off into the middle distance whilst their medals glint in the sunshine. Not sure what non-medal winners do. Perhaps cut ribbons at the opening of new charity shops…

  3. They must become high school and small college sports instructors. At least the ‘real’ athletes. But what possible real world career could synchronized swimming or dressage translate into? Really?

  4. Sour grapes!

  5. Too funny 😃

  6. They may be qualified for pretty much zero
    But they could always apply to be superheroes.

  7. Too funny, Phil. It’s perfect Mon!

  8. I reckon Usain Bolt has a better chance of landing a job compared to Michael Phelps simply because his much less of a prick.

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