Category Archives: Relationships

I know I usually do Throwback Thursdays today, but in celebration of the American Independence Day I wanted to take a moment to express my sincere gratitude to many people. And no, that isn’t my facial hair in the picture above, but it could be if I wanted to.

Since I published the first edition of my short, humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons last October I have had the good fortune of meeting many people online, writers and reviewers. I’ve re-connected with old friends from years gone by and I’ve had acquaintances become friends.  What has amazed and touched me over the past 9 months has been the incredible kindness of everyone.

The first edition of my book was flawed in several ways and yet so many people, some I knew and others I didn’t, bought it, read it, and took the time to give it a good review on Amazon. I was touched by the unconditional support. Another type of kindness came from two friends who had the courage and sensitivity to tell me about the flaws and mistakes in my book so I could make it better.

I also appreciate the amazing kindness of book blog reviewers who read my book, didn’t mention the flaws and gave it a good review just based on the merits of the story. Then there was an editor who said, ‘Sure I’ll edit your novel,” without having any idea what she was getting into. She did a great job and patiently taught me a few things about writing and helped my second edition of White Picket Prisons look a whole lot more professional.

Another surprising event was when another author, Gregory G. Allen, found my book online and tweeted about it, which taught me about the incredible power of Twitter to connect with people in a variety of ways.

What got me to thinking about all of the incredible kindness of people that I’ve come across since I published my book was that last Thursday I had an interview subject lined up for my Tuesday author interview slot. Unfortunately the subject was busy with family obligations and didn’t think they could finish the interview in time for me to get it posted Tuesday. I fired off a couple e-mails to two very well established, successful authors, Hugh Howey and James Scott Bell. Never met them. They didn’t know me. My blog does ok, but certainly not enough  readers to make a difference to these two authors. Yet they both responded within an hour of each other that they would do my interview. One was on vacation with his family but did it anyway. Not even knowing my deadline they both returned it within 24 hours of me sending them the questions! Same thing with author Christopher Moore two weeks ago. Then, the original interview subject, Deborah French, who also was on vacation with her family, returned her interview as well.

My point is, no matter what you do, don’t be too cynical about the world. Just take that leap and you’ll find people who will catch you. There’s a lot of good people out there who are kind and supportive of others just because. In some instances I asked for support and in others I did not and was surprised by the kindness of strangers. I know I can’t possibly name every single person who gave me support and encouragement but hopefully they read this and know I appreciate their kindness.

As always, one way I’ve also seen the kindness of others is how often people share my blog link on Facebook or Twitter whether they got a laugh out of it or not. Thank you for that as well.

Mitch, Mitch, Mitch…what were you thinking? How could it not occur to you to try Mondays with Morrie? People love alliteration. Has my blog title The Phil Factor not taught you anything?

In high school I was on the indoor track team. I know, sexy right? I was good, but not great. I was a skinny, shy teenage boy lacking confidence in my abilities. I didn’t think or believe that I could be great and that thinking limited me. I ran as fast as was comfortable most of the time. Comfortable gets you good, not great. I may not have believed in myself, but one person did.

Chris Tanski was a slightly pudgy, bespectacled Polish man with a knee brace. He didn’t look like he had a single athletic gene in his entire body, but he was our indoor track coach and he worked us harder in practice than anything else I’ve ever done. The best thing about him was that he could see through me, or perhaps that he took the time to see through me. He could see that I had more in me,  even when I couldn’t see it myself.

One of his favorite tactics, when he knew that I wasn’t really pushing myself, was to call me out in front of the whole team in practice. “If Taylor doesn’t do this next lap in sixty seconds, everyone has to do five more.”  I hated him for that. Running, on the verge of tears, and cursing him in my head; there was never a single time that I didn’t get that last lap in the time he wanted me to. He knew. He knew about me what I didn’t know yet.

One of Coach Tanski’s biggest pet peeves with me was how I ran my races. I looked back. As I rounded a turn I’d look back to see if someone was gaining on me. How’s that for a life metaphor huh? As we boarded the bus for the sectional championships he came down the aisle of the bus stopping to offer words of strategy or encouragement to some of us. When he got to my seat he stopped and looked me in the eyes and put his hands on my shoulders. As he spoke both of our eyes welled up.

I’d love to be able to tell you the inspirational words he gave to me that day, but honestly, I don’t remember. What I do remember was the effect his words had on me. That night I ran hard, I ran forward and I never looked back. When my leg of the relay was completed I collapsed on the side of the track, exhausted; every ounce of energy drained from my body.

About thirteen years after that night, in a city 90 miles from where I had run that race, I was sitting in my office in a school for children with emotional and behavioral issues when my phone rang. “Phil, this is Chris Tanski. How have you been?” He was a principal at a nearby high school and had recently referred a student to me. At the end of the conversation he said, “We should go out for a beer and catch up.” I agreed that we should, but never made plans. A couple more times over the year we had similar conversations that ended with the offer to get together over a pint and reminisce. Some time that summer I got the news. Coach Tanski has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. In the most unfortunate way, I had just learned another life lesson from Coach Tanski and this time there were no more chances to say thank you.

Coach Tanski, if you’re somewhere that gets wi-fi, this blog and the beer pictured below are my way of having that beer with you and saying thanks.