Over the past three months or so the title of this post has been appearing repeatedly in the list of search terms that brought people to my blog. Hindi is one of the official languages of India, where approximately 94% of the world’s Hindi speaking people reside. I don’t speak or write in Hindi, nor have I ever, yet through some modern miracle of Google technology, sexting in Hindi is apparently what search engines think my blog is about, so I figured what the heck? Why not put it in the title of a post and see if I could make every internet server in India burst into flames simultaneously this morning.
imgur.com & BBC
The title is an attention grabber though isn’t it? You’re reading this, so it obviously worked. The fact that the title has been such a popular search term recently makes me wonder if the entire country of India just discovered the art of sexting. Is there going to be a new Kama Sutra written to include Hindi sexting? No offense to any of my Indian friends or readers, but I’m sorry, I can’t imagine any Indian dudes sounding at all sexy when they’re trying to sext. Go ahead, imagine an Indian accent talking sexy to you. The chicks, of course they would sound great. The dudes, I just don’t see it. Ladies, what do you think? If I think of an Indian guy, it’s Raj from The Big Bang Theory.
fanpop.com
Is that the face of smoldering Indian sensuality all you ladies want to imagine? Sorry Kunal. I’m sure you didn’t want to be dragged into this. You’re probably a very nice guy who, being a TV star, has no trouble with female companionship. Or male companionship. I don’t know what you’re into and I probably shouldn’t start rumors among all your countrymen and women who are reading this. Although Kunal, if you are having trouble finding your perfect match here’s a wonderful Hindi dating website that can help you.
Of course now the phrase ‘Hindi dating website’ will be a popular search term that will pull even more people to #ThePhilFactor, so I might as well try to help out. As long as you’re here Hindi folks, if you’re looking for the love of your life, put your pertinent information in the comments section and maybe another of my Hindi fans will do the same and you two can go out for a froyo and celebrate Holi together. (For you dolts who just thought, “He should have said Diwali”, don’t be idiots. Diwali is in the Fall. Holi is the Indian spring celebration)
That’s a picture from a Holi celebration in India. Looks like fun huh? You can imagine that after a couple glasses of Feni in a crowd like that …..
I’ve got to admit that my humorous mojo was thrown for a loop in the middle of this. I was in the midst of writing it when my entire neighborhood lost electricity, so I’ve been sitting here in candlelight, like the Amish, writing this on my cell phone. Thank Vishnu that I got my coffee made before the lights went out.
As always, if you enjoyed The Phil Factor please share it with your love starved Hindi friends by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below. Whatever you do though, please do not sext me in Hindi. सप्ताहांत बहुत अच्छा गुजरे! Have a great weekend! ~Phil
Don’t wanna be a fool for you Just another player in your game for two You may hate me but it ain’t no lie, Baby Bye, bye, bye… Bye Bye ~N’SYNC, Bye, Bye, Bye
Some people are good at good byes and others…not so much. Adios, auf widersehen, good-bye, sayonara, bye, cheerio, buh bye, ciao, and bye bye are all ways to break company with someone. I was going to open this post with song lyrics about good byes from Train, but I couldn’t resist. It’s as if N’SYNC wrote that song just for me. Actually, they did. I was an original member of the group before I left to start The Phil Factor. Me and JT, we’re still cool though.
ryanlamb.blogspot.com
Parting is not always such sweet sorrow. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad and other times it’s just plain ridiculous. Everyone says their good byes differently, and how you do may say a lot about either you or how you feel about who you’re saying good bye to.
Bye: Short and to the point. Typically used when you either expect to see the other person again soon or you hate them and don’t want to waste your breath using more than one syllable on the other person. Being on the receiving end of such a curt send off is usually not good.
Who doesn’t love James Van der Beek? am I right?
Bye Bye: A childish and demeaning way to part. Whether you’re saying it or you’re on the receiving end, it’s not good, unless you’re four years old. If you’re an adult and you ‘bye bye’ to anyone but your kids, you sound ridiculous. Trust me, it’s especially bad at the end of a job interview. Or eulogy.
Buh-bye: This one can only be delivered two ways: If you have a billion dollars and you’re watching guests leave a party at your palatial estate or if you are saying it dripping with sarcasm to someone you hate. This is how Kim Kardashian ends every marriage.
nickfanon.wikia.com
Usually I hate gifs, but c’mon, bears waving good-bye. How cute is that?
Goodbye: It’s all in the delivery. If you’re leaving for a long trip and it comes with a hug and a smile it’s all good. If it’s said to you by a super-villain or a guy in a hockey mask, then, as the kids say, shit just got real.
And now it’s time for me to say good bye at the end of the post. Is there a good way to do it in writing? If you’d like to use this post to give someone a message, feel free to share it by hitting the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below. From the palatial blogging estate that is #ThePhilFactor, buh-bye and have a great weekend! ~Phil
If my wife checks my search history without knowing I wrote this, she is going to be very upset. These are all real, except one. Try to be the first person in the comments to guess which one.
10. GlutenFreeSingles.com: Fifteen years ago no one on the planet knew what gluten was. I’m tempted to go to one of their live dating events and spike the punch with gluten.
9. ClownDating.com: To which all the ladies reading this reply, “They’re all clowns.”
8. StachePassions.com: A site for men with facial hair and the ladies who love it. At least I hope it’s not a site where men find women with mustaches.
7. MagicMatch.com: A dating site for grown up lovers of the Harry Potter books and movies. It would have to be magic for any of these nerds to find a date any other way.
6. SeaCaptainDate.com: The tag line is: “Find your first mate!” I’m pretty sure it might as well say Find your first date. Ladies if you date a “sea captain” keep in mind that if he decides to kill you he has a whole ocean in which to dispose of your body.
5. ZombiePassions.com: “A 100% free online dating & social networking site for zombies, zombie lovers & people who have been working in a dead-end job for too long.” Look, I like zombies as much as the next guy, but I don’t want my girlfriend to look like one.
4. CanDoBetter.com: This site is both pure genius and pure evil.You submit photos of yourself and your significant other. Users of the site vote. Whoever is deemed to be able to do better than their current lover gets admitted to the site to find someone better. How horrible would it be to go on there and find a picture of your significant other already there?
3. DiaperMates.com: The site where people who like to pretend they’re giant babies go to find other like minded individuals. Don’t click the link. Trust me on this. I’m not kidding.
2. FurryMate.com: If you like to dress up like a cartoon animal and get jiggy with it, this is the site for you. I wonder if fur balls are ever a problem?
1. Amish-Online-Dating.com: Apparently everyone on this site is a fraud. You can’t be Amish and use the internet! If I was going to sign up for a dating site this would be it though.
This post may be humorous for some and helpful for others. Did you guess which was the fake dating site?
This post is for all the guys that may still be scrambling for a last minute gift for Valentine’s Day. For the ladies it may help you when you think to yourself, “What the hell was he thinking?” It was originally posted in 2006. Yes, I was blogging back then. It is also an excerpt from my book #FiftyShades of Phil.
The Present Tense
How we communicate, what’s important to us, and the inequities of societal grooming expectations are all ways men and women differ. Another great divide between the sexes is our views on presents. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas can all make or break a relationship from a woman’s perspective. My current quandary is Valentine’s Day is coming up and I have the pressure of choosing a present. My problem is that I think of presents like a guy and she thinks of presents like a woman. Here are a few examples of how men and women might view the same present differently and why I’m terrified of choosing and may just give her cash.
Example 1
Guy: Happy Anniversary honey! Here’s a card, a dozen roses, and I’ve taken out a second mortgage so I can fly you to Paris for a candlelight dinner on top of the Eiffel Tower!
Woman: You are so sweet! With all my work this week I didn’t have time to get you a present. I’m sorry. How about if I make it up to you (wink, wink) back at the hotel after dinner?
Guy: YAHTZEE! (fist pump)
Example 2:
Woman: Happy Anniversary honey! Here’s a card and a present!
Guy: An Ipad6! Thanks baby, this is great! With all my work this week I didn’t have time to get you a present. I’m sorry. How about if I make it up to you (wink, wink) in the bedroom tonight? (sly smile)
Woman: You forgot! How could you be so thoughtless?!!? You can sleep on the couch tonight! (storms out, door slams) (Calm down all you tech geeks, the IPad 6 isn’t out yet)
Sometimes even the presents themselves can mean different things to men and women. Here are some examples of presents men might give, how we mean them, and what they mean to women.
1. A romantic card with breakfast in bed, flowers sent to your work, and a nice dinner out.
What men are trying to say: “Will you sleep with me?”
What women think: “He’s a sweet, thoughtful guy.”
2. A safety kit for your car with road flares, tools, and a shovel.
What men are trying to say: “I love you and I want you to be safe.”
What women think: “What a thoughtless, un-romantic oaf.”
3. Lingerie
What men are trying to say: “I think you are a beautiful, sexy woman.”
What women think: “That selfish bastard is thinking with his little head instead of his big head.”
4. Any kind of home appliance.
What men are trying to say: “I’ve noticed how hard you work. I want to make your life easier.”
What women think:
“If this isn’t grounds for justifiable homicide, I don’t know what is!”
All of this thinking out loud isn’t getting me any closer to choosing a present. If you’ve got any suggestions I’d love to hear them in the comments section below. If you enjoy my nonsense check out my books on Amazon, B&N and the iTunes bookstore so I can afford to buy my wife a present that adequately compensates her for being married to me. As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor or know some one who needs some present buying guidance, please share on Facebook or Twitter by the buttons below.
David Coleman is The Dating Doctor. Is he a doctor who is dating? Is he dating a doctor? I don’t know and it’s none of our business. What I do know is that David has spoken on relationships and leadership to audiences all over the world. For those of you unprepared for the holiday coming up tomorrow we’ll focus on the dating part. Don’t worry my literary friends; David’s expertise won’t be limited to just the questions I ask here. He’s got books. Books you need to read before you do further damage to your love life.
news.uwlax.edu
TPF: David, thank you for taking the time to visit The Phil Factor. As you may have suspected, people read my blog. Often they’re people who spend more time relating to others online than in person. What advice about relationships do you have for people in our increasingly social media focused world?
David: To “hover” a few seconds before you hit the send button on a text, post, tweet or mail message. Once you hit send, you have put your words, video or pictures in motion and that action cannot be reversed, and never erased, so you need to be comfortable with all the possible ramifications of the way your words or pictures are received. Also remember, if you publicly play out your relationship on line, every day, its success or failure will be just as public as well.
TPF: What is the biggest mistake people make early in a relationship that could doom their chances for success?
David: They mistake infatuation for love and fall far too fast, far too soon. Infatuation is INTENSE. It is short-lived, demanding and can turn normally rational people into “life is too short…let’s do it” optimists. They say and do things normally reserved for couples who are a bit farther down the line in a relationship and then wonder why they, nor their partner can keep up the level of intensity they felt when they first met.
There are three primary types of loves people experience: Eros (Physical), Agape (Heartfelt) and Philia (Friendship). When a couple allows infatuation to rule their actions, they often skip the development of these stages and then get very disappointed in the end when things “just didn’t work out.”
TPF: What’s the most impactful way someone can grab the attention of someone they are interested in but don’t know in a crowded/busy social setting?
David: Eye contact…smile…say hello. The look you share, the words you use, the way you express yourself and the interest you show will separate you from those who didn’t have the guts to at least say hello. Holding a gaze just for one extra moment and accompanying it with a coy smile lets that person know that among people in a crowded setting, you noticed THEM. Then, before leaving, you need to walk up to them and say, “I just wanted you to know that I noticed you. This is my card (or my name or my email address or my number…). If you ever want to even have coffee, say hello and meet, it would be my honor.” Then graciously walk away. Take the high road. The view is always better from there!
TPF: Craziest question you’ve ever been asked? And what was your answer?
David: A woman came up to me after a show and said, “I’ll bet you have never heard this one…My husband is having an affair…with my mother!” This lady and her husband had a weekly sporting event they took part in, but they were on different teams. She found out that he would skip his games and return home to be with her mother who was supposedly watching their children while they were out competing. My advice to her was, to return home early from her game the following week and walk back into the house with several close friends as witnesses along with her so that it would not be her word against theirs and so that they would be caught red-handed in the act. I also suggested that she get a top-notch therapist and good legal advice if she indeed intended to head in the direction of ending her marriage. I heard from her a year later. She was doing well, had met someone new and felt as if she was at a healthy point in her life. Her husband had been distant and abusive for years so this unfortunate situation gave her the courage and strength to move on. Her and her mother, “we’re still working things out.”
TPF: Your traditional education, Bachelor’s and Master’s aren’t in Psychology or counseling. How did you come to a career in writing books and speaking on dating and relationships?
David: As an undergraduate and graduate student both of my degrees had a high degree of social work, psychology and communications in their curriculum so I received a heavy dose of human nature and communication training. From a young age, I had the innate ability to read people, know where they were in their life and give them the advice that the needed to hear, not necessarily what they wanted to hear. I didn’t care if people liked me, only if they learned from me and my service or advice exceeded their needs and expectations. I also seemed to have the ability to introduce people to each other whom I felt “might hit it off.” My outgoing personality served as a bit of an ice-breaker and allowed others to meet with me as a conduit. Then, they could return and ask me questions and my advice seemed to really help them. Thus, a career was born.
TPF: Our mutual friend, magician James David, referred to you as “A real life Dating Doctor like Will Smith played in the movie, “HITCH!”” Would you say that’s accurate?
David: First, James is an amazing talent and magician. I am proud to call him my friend and yes, he is accurate. What Will Smith’s character portrayed in the movie Hitch is what I do every single day professionally. Like he helped Kevin James’s character connect to the love of his life, I help 10 or more just like him in real life on a weekly basis. I basically try to help people get out of their way as many are self-sabotaging their chances of being happy and meeting someone with whom they would be ideally compatible. I have dozens of success stories under my belt over the past 20 years and enjoy working with people who are seeking healthy relationships and unbridled happiness. Talk is cheap. I am not. I have found that people who pay a price work twice as hard as those who “want something for free.”
TPF: In your experience, are men more clueless about what women want in a relationship, or is it the other way around?
David: They are both mystified at times because the game keeps changing. The speed of the internet and social media, the explosion of dating apps on our smart phones, the increase in the number of people using dating sites and the lack of real human interaction due to texting and tweeting, etc. has made both sexes wonder just how dialed in they are to the opposite sex. You also have an increase in the number of people identifying themselves as bi-sexual, a-sexual, pansexual, transgender…and this keeps both men and women wondering, learning, experimenting and searching for people like me to help them navigate the often treacherous waters of dating, relationships, romance, sex, marriage, divorce and dating after divorce. This is why I try to stay dialed in to the current trends and am not afraid to have candid dialogue with my clients and audiences. You never get a wasted day back, so spending time heading in the wrong direction or paralyzed by fear is simply unacceptable.
TPF: David, thank you again for taking time out of what must certainly be a very busy week for you. For those that want to learn more about David, including his book on leadership as well as his books on relationships you can visit his website, www.DatingDoctor.comand follow him on Facebook and Twitter. Seriously, check out his website. He has some pretty impressive accolades. If you’d like some of David’s coaching you can call or e-mail him too! Direct Coaching: 1-866-Date-Smart (1-866-328-3762) or email: TheDatingDoctor@mac.com
As always, if you want to share the love you get from #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Is there any better gift for your Valentine than The Phil Factor? Umm…nevermind. Don’t answer that.
(02/15/2014) That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere is starting to fade.
Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom?
Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my blog feed yesterday I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner. (Yes, that’s Charles Manson and his new wife)
itheedread.jexebel.com
My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at. Over the past several years most of American society has been completely nuts for The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.
Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)
Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great weekend and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little Valentine’s love by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, reblog, or other share button below. Make sure to come back tomorrow to read my interview with The Dating Doctor!
Picture Credits: themetapicture.com and o.canada.com
We all have a Cemetery of the Heart that we visit from time to time. It is a place that is unique and belongs to each of us alone. Sometimes we visit when it’s sunny and the birds are singing and at these times we are unaffected by the memories each marker represents, thankful that we are in a better place.
Other times we visit our Cemetery of the Heart when the weather is cloudy, cold, and stormy, perhaps mourning the loss of those happy memories that warmed our hearts in days gone by.We may walk down an aisle, a small, grassy path flanked on either side by those tiny markers that barely acknowledge a person’s passing, viewing the tombstones with varying levels of interest and angst. Some of the smaller stones, barely a marker really, may represent missed opportunities, brief connections with people which never came to fruition or doors we did not open when opportunity knocked. Most are relationships that perished in their infancy. We recognize the names on some of these stones and others we do not. Some are lovers, some are friends and some are strangers we may have met in passing.
In the next row over are tombstones of those loves which may have been ill-fated, but which still resonate poignantly in our memories. The path through this row of grave markers is slightly uphill, but we can still easily make the trek. The stones are tall and strong with the names and dates etched in them as they are forever etched in our hearts. Each one a small nick, or scratch, or crack in the surface of our hearts, which may have changed it ever so slightly, but which also gives our heart some of the strength and character which has brought us this far.
As we turn the corner of the gravel path there are only a few graves left to view. Up the long, steep hill at the far back of our Cemetery of the Heart are the monuments and mausoleums. It is inevitable. Once we enter our Cemetery of the Heart we are compelled to walk the entire path, even when it becomes steep and difficult. There is no way to go back and erase what we’ve carved on each tombstone. The monuments and mausoleums may be far fewer in number, but their size and importance dominates our view of the cemetery.
In some places we have erected enormous monuments to lost loves. Some of them stand so tall and broad that they block the sun, dooming the small flowers we have tried to plant since the monument was built. Some of us are so tired from pushing the heavy stones into place that we haven’t even tried to plant new flowers yet. We hope that in time some hardy plants will grow here naturally in the shade of these memories and with enough time perhaps they will grow tall enough to reach the sunlight with branches where birds will nest and sing again.
Next to our monuments we notice a mausoleum. Some of the crypts are labeled and we fondly pay homage to those who still hold a special place in our hearts, those we still wish to check in on from time to time to see that they are well. Finally, if we choose to look closely enough, we can see that the daylight from outside our mausoleum has crept through the doorway to reveal a few empty drawers at the back. At this realization we smile and leave the cemetery in peace, knowing that the storm will eventually pass.
This is an idea for a future novel. Hoped you don’t mind the detour from my usual style of writing. I promise to return to my usual level of idiocy next week. As always, if you enjoy anything I write on #ThePhilFactor I’d love it if you shared by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil
I post this with some sadness as it reminds me of the recent 1 year anniversary of a high school classmate who passed on far too soon.
“Technology is the opiate of the asses” I thought I was clever when I wrote this back in 2006. Now I’d like to admit that I was wrong. As many of you remember, I attended my high school class reunion about six weeks ago. I had a great time reconnecting with old friends, catching up, reliving old memories, and talking about our families. One moment however jarred me emotionally a bit.
Over to the left side on a table by the wall there was a large sheet cake with a celebratory greeting to our graduating class. The cake looked delicious and full of the promise of sugary butter creme frosting. I was looking forward to getting a piece later. Then I noticed a piece of plain white paper sitting unobtrusively on the tablecloth beneath the cake. Typed upon it were eleven names. The single, simple sentence at the top of the page calmly explained that these were classmates who had passed away since high school.
A couple were friends with whom I had spent significant time with in high school and who I had looked unsuccessfully for on Facebook over the last few years. I was sad. I was sad for two reasons. First I was sad about the loss for me, the family and other friends of those that passed away. Then I was sad that I had missed their passing. Sad that I didn’t know. Sad that I couldn’t have touched base with others to share our sorrow. I was sad that I hadn’t been able to share a word of condolence with their families and to tell them of my fond memories of their loved one.
This past week another member of my graduating class passed away. Sara had a bubbly personality and a smile that lit up everything and everyone around her. A large majority of our graduating class is connected on Facebook and there has been an outpouring of both sorrow, condolences, and a sharing of stories and pictures. People have written on her page and those of her family members to express thoughts and share memories. The best part is the pictures. Not everyone could, would, or should go to her wake, but Facebook has been filled with pictures of Sara happy and celebrating life. Pictures of Sara as we will always remember her, smiling. Chances are that those pictures on Facebook have brought many of us some smiles through the tears this week.
Earlier this week a friend from high school messaged me on Facebook to ask if I would write something on The Phil Factor related to our classmates passing. I replied that although I knew her and was friendly with her I didn’t consider myself a close friend and that I might not be the appropriate person to write sort of an online eulogy. He replied that he didn’t want me to write a eulogy, but that he wanted to hear my perspective on life and death.
I may not be a great philosopher, but here is what I learned this week: Technology may still be the opiate of the asses, but in some instances it has made the world a smaller and closer place for us all and for that, I am grateful. If I ever die, or more likely when I fake my death, I hope you all enjoy my Facebook Funeral. In fact, I may have to fake my death so some people on Facebook will stop asking me for Candy Crush lives.
As always, if you enjoy what you read on #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons.
Who are The Golden Boys? Are they men? Are they myth? Are they Minotaur? They’re two of those three, but I’m not saying which.
Have you ever wondered if authors base their characters on people they know? I don’t know if all of them do it, but I did. White Picket Prisons and The Sneaker Tree may be suspenseful, humorous, murder mysteries, but the real stories are about the close knit group of friends who refer to themselves as The Golden Boys. The picture above is of me, on the right, with two of the Golden Boys. I will not identify them by name to protect the innocent. I have known these two guys my entire life, literally since we were in diapers. The Golden Boys and I grew up on the same street in four consecutive houses. We all live in different cities now, but we still try to get together once a year. Today is that day.
There is one more Golden Boy, not pictured, with whom we have little contact. He is still in our hearts and if he were ever to make it back to our hometown we would welcome him with open arms. If or when you read either of my novels, know this: the murder mystery parts may be fiction but the characters are real people, just like the friends you grew up with. If, as in the Mitch Albom book The Five People You Meet in Heaven, you do meet people from your past in the afterlife, I hope that my five are the three other Golden Boys and the two people who leave the most comments on The Phil Factor.
My friends and I have a million stories, some that may appear here in the coming weeks and others that may never again be told. Some involve matching shirts, public nudity, wedding crashing, and/or fake musical abilities and the pretense that we may have been a one hit wonder band from the late 80’s. If you want to read some of our stories, I’ll tell you that many of them are in my books, but I won’t tell you which are fact and which are fiction. If you follow me on Instagram at ThePhilFactor you may see some pictures from the next 24 hours. I hope you have a great weekend and more importantly I hope you have life-long friends as great as The Golden Boys.
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below. Have a great weekend. ~Phil
For those of you who think I only make fun of stuff, this is a repost of one of my favorites from last year.
(05/05/2013) Mitch, Mitch, Mitch…what were you thinking? How could it not occur to you to try Mondays with Morrie? People love alliteration. Has my blog title The Phil Factor not taught you anything?
In high school I was on the indoor track team. I know, sexy right? I was good, but not great. I was a skinny, shy teenage boy lacking confidence in my abilities. I didn’t think or believe that I could be great and that thinking limited me. I ran as fast as was comfortable most of the time. Comfortable gets you good, not great. I may not have believed in myself, but one person did.
Chris Tanski was a slightly pudgy, bespectacled Polish man with a knee brace. He didn’t look like he had a single athletic gene in his entire body, but he was our indoor track coach and he worked us harder in practice than anything else I’ve ever done. The best thing about him was that he could see through me, or perhaps that he took the time to see through me. He could see that I had more in me, even when I couldn’t see it myself.
One of his favorite tactics, when he knew that I wasn’t really pushing myself, was to call me out in front of the whole team in practice. “If Taylor doesn’t do thisnext lap in sixty seconds, everyone has to do five more.” I hated him for that. Running, on the verge of tears, and cursing him in my head; there was never a single time that I didn’t get that last lap in the time he wanted me to. He knew. He knew about me what I didn’t know yet.
One of Coach Tanski’s biggest pet peeves with me was how I ran my races. I looked back. As I rounded a turn I’d look back to see if someone was gaining on me. How’s that for a life metaphor huh? As we boarded the bus for the sectional championships he came down the aisle of the bus stopping to offer words of strategy or encouragement to some of us. When he got to my seat he stopped and looked me in the eyes and put his hands on my shoulders. As he spoke both of our eyes welled up.
I’d love to be able to tell you the inspirational words he gave to me that day, but honestly, I don’t remember. What I do remember was the effect his words had on me. That night I ran hard, I ran forward and I never looked back. When my leg of the relay was completed I collapsed on the side of the track, exhausted; every ounce of energy drained from my body.
About thirteen years after that night, in a city 90 miles from where I had run that race, I was sitting in my office in a school for children with emotional and behavioral issues when my phone rang. “Phil, this is Chris Tanski. How have you been?” He was a principal at a nearby high school and had recently referred a student to me. At the end of the conversation he said, “We should go out for a beer and catch up.” I agreed that we should, but never made plans. A couple more times over the year we had similar conversations that ended with the offer to get together over a pint and reminisce. Some time that summer I got the news. Coach Tanski has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. In the most unfortunate way, I had just learned another life lesson from Coach Tanski and this time there were no more chances to say thank you.
Coach Tanski, if you’re somewhere that gets wi-fi, this blog and the beer pictured below are my way of having that beer with you and saying thanks.
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share by the Facebook, Twitter or reblog button below. See you on Saturday for a brand spankin’ new Phil Factor fresh out of the box. ~Phil
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure, parapsychologist, author of several humorous suspense novels and one of the longest running blogs in the world, The Phil Factor.
thephilfactor.com
