Tag Archives: Facebook

I Hate To Say I Told You So But… I Predicted #DeleteFacebook

OK, I love to say I told you so, but I will say that I didn’t nail this one exactly or in the time frame I imagined, but I got it close enough that I’m taking credit for another correct psychic prediction.

1. Facebook will die a very sudden death. Millions will flee the social media empire when it’s revealed that the social network was started as an extension of the NSA to monitor people and collect personal data. Zuckerberg is earning approximately 10 billion a year to sell us out to the man.”

I was close. Zuckerberg was selling our data, but not to our own government. He was selling it to those that sought to influence our election and government and now, as you’ll see in many articles across the internet, millions using the hashtag #DeleteFacebook, are leaving Facebook. Zuckerberg made money selling our data and when it was discovered people left Facebook in droves. I got that right didn’t I?

Having all this psychic stuff in my head is a burden, but it would be wrong not to share my gift with the world. My next prediction is that you’ll come back here tomorrow and discover that my Saturday post is hilarious. Have a great Friday! ~Psychic Phil

Throwback Thursday! Facebook or FaceCrook?

(02/18/17) Clever title, right? Take that Mark Zuckerberg you evil twerp. Based on that last sentence and my title I’m pretty sure that the Facebook algorithm will find a way to bury this post waaaay down people’s timelines.

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We’re all doing it. Sometimes we do it in the privacy of our own home. Sometimes we do it in our cars, sometimes we even do it at work. It takes only a few minutes if you’re good at it. We “Facebook”.

‘Facebook’ has become a verb. The grandfather, or maybe I should say Godfather of social media is ubiquitous. (I like using the word ubiquitous because it sounds smart. Not when I say it of course. I sound like an idiot, but if you use it in something you write it’s one of those smart words that make your point seem a little better. Obviously, there aren’t enough smart words to help this blog out). As smart people say, I digress. (look at me go with them there smart word thingies) My point is that Facebook is almost universal. What started out 13 years ago this month as a geeky college student’s way to meet chicks (and I say chicks with the utmost respect for all chicks) has become almost a worldwide registry of humanity. Those of us that are on it think it’s weird when we find people who are not.

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Typical conversation:

Me: Hey, can I find you on Facebook?

Other Person: No. I’m not on Facebook.

Me: Uh, what’s wrong with you? How do you talk to people?

Why am I talking about FB today? Two reasons: 1) Last night when I sat down in my recliner with a glass of wine to start writing today’s Phil Factor, I put in a Google search for “trending topics”. On one particular sites trending topics page was 9 articles about Facebook. If Facebook is the top trending topic how can I ignore it? Apparently Facebook admitted that it’s human editors suppressed articles expressing conservative views in it’s trending news feed. So of course Facebook decided to replace human editors with an algorithm to determine what news we will see on FB. Yes, people replaced by machines, again. Thank God for that. Way too many people are super annoying. I know this because I’m friends with them on Facebook.

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Some statistic somewhere says that 98.5% of people get their news from Facebook. Is it good that Facebook has a computer program deciding what news we see? Because Facebook is so universally used, their algorithm has the potential to sway public opinion. Who cares?!!? We know where to get our real, biased news if we want to. We know the liberal news shows and websites and we know the conservative news shows and websites. Get over yourselves everybody. News has been biased since the first cave painting depicting Grog taking out a woolly mammoth with a coconut. (Shocker, the mammoth actually tripped, fell and broke it’s neck. Grog is a liar. Fake news! Sad!)

After reading my last point, I guess Mark Zuckerberg isn’t really an evil twerp. He might be for other reasons, but not because his website controls the news you see. Perspective is like a telescope; you only see what you point it at. Look at a different website, like #ThePhilFactor, if you want a different view. Two paragraphs ago I said I had two reasons to talk about Facebook today. I can’t remember what the other is now. Maybe I’d better go check Facebook to see what I should be talking about.

If you all want to be ironic and vex Facebook’s algorithm you can share this to FB by hitting the share button below. Have a great Thursday!  ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Facebook Just Might Save Your Life

(11/5/2016) In all likelihood, my blog is more likely to save your life, but this week a study was released implying that moderate use of Facebook leads to a longer life. That’s hard to believe, because seeing posts that say, “Only my real friends will copy and paste this into their status…” makes me want to shorten the life span of so many, many people. Oddly, I went to WebMD and it says that Facebook causes cancer. Of course WebMD says everything causes cancer. I know I have a lot of blog friends and followers in the UK. I wonder if there are cancers specific to different countries? For instance, might my UK friends be more prone to Tea & Crumpet cancer? I hope not. I’d better go check Facebook to see what it has to say on the matter.

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It seems that, according to the study, those that receive the most Facebook friend invites are social media whores more likely to have a lower mortality rate than those with fewer. How can they possibly know that? Because their account is active longer? Maybe it’s active longer because they died already without deleting their account. Maybe the people with fewer invites are actually out Facebooking in person, outside of the house, with real people. Hey, I think that’s a thing I’m going to start. Facebooking in person. When I leave the house from now on I’ll say, “See you later. I’m going to go Facebook in person with…”

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Listen Mark Zuckerberg, just slow your roll. You and your website aren’t the panacea for everything. The study was nice, but guess what? Give somebody about 6 months and they’ll find a way to identify a Facebook cancer. Also, the kids and millenials aren’t using Facebook because us “old people” (meaning anyone over 30) have ruined it. In about ten years when all the old Facebook users die off, there will be a whole generation that grew up on Snapchat, Kik, and Twitter and they won’t be using or investing in Facebook. Did I just say “millenials” back there? Ugh. I’m an awful person. Also, if I said that, I’m an old person, apparently. That is the most overused word in the world and it’s idiotic. You know who never uses the word millenials? Millenials.

The bottom line is that social interaction of any type, with millenials or anyone else, online or in person leads to a longer life, so if you want a longer life you should comment on this post and then to be ironic, and because your life just might depend on it, share it to Facebook using the share button below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Facebook Just Might Save Your Life!

 

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In all likelihood, my blog is more likely to save your life, but this week a study was released implying that moderate use of Facebook leads to a longer life. That’s hard to believe, because seeing posts that say, “Only my real friends will copy and paste this into their status…” makes me want to shorten the life span of so many, many people. Oddly, I went to WebMD and it says that Facebook causes cancer. Of course WebMD says everything causes cancer. I know I have a lot of blog friends and followers in the UK. I wonder if there are cancers specific to different countries? For instance, might my UK friends be more prone to Tea & Crumpet cancer? I hope not. I’d better go check Facebook to see what it has to say on the matter.

849d82106d306c6f0af1f9ca3f028af8

It seems that, according to the study, those that receive the most Facebook friend invites are social media whores more likely to have a lower mortality rate than those with fewer. How can they possibly know that? Because their account is active longer? Maybe it’s active longer because they died already without deleting their account. Maybe the people with fewer invites are actually out Facebooking in person, outside of the house, with real people. Hey, I think that’s a thing I’m going to start. Facebooking in person. When I leave the house from now on I’ll say, “See you later. I’m going to go Facebook in person with…”

images-4

Listen Mark Zuckerberg, just slow your roll. You and your website aren’t the panacea for everything. The study was nice, but guess what? Give somebody about 6 months and they’ll find a way to identify a Facebook cancer. Also, the kids and millenials aren’t using Facebook because us “old people” (meaning anyone over 30) have ruined it. In about ten years when all the old Facebook users die off, there will be a whole generation that grew up on Snapchat, Kik, and Twitter and they won’t be using or investing in Facebook. Did I just say “millenials” back there? Ugh. I’m an awful person. Also, if I said that, I’m an old person, apparently. That is the most overused word in the world and it’s idiotic. You know who never uses the word millenials? Millenials.

The bottom line is that social interaction of any type, with millenials or anyone else, online or in person leads to a longer life, so if you want a longer life you should comment on this post and then to be ironic, and because your life just might depend on it, share it to Facebook using the share button below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

The New Facebook Emojis: Dislike!

Picture courtesy of Facebook Inc. and techcrunch.com

Picture courtesy of Facebook Inc. and techcrunch.com

If you live in Spain or Ireland you’ll soon have the privilege of telling someone that their Facebook post makes you angry or sad or if you love it or laughed at it. Perfect! Just what we need; more ways to express our imaginary feelings with fewer words to our imaginary friends! Instead of actually using words you can now show your friends your feelings with “emojis” that accurately portray the whole range of complex human emotions. Apparently Yay and Wow are very important emotions and obviously too long as words for people to type.

First of all, why do Ireland and Spain get to be the test markets? I have nothing against those two wonderful countries, but why are they the test markets? Hey Zuckerberg, how about you use that big brain of yours to figure out a way for each country to have their own emojis appropriate for their own culture. That doesn’t sound too hard does it?

Secondly, there’s a whole range of other emojis that I’d love to see on FB. How about a WTF? emoji? I can imagine that one would get a lot of use. Or maybe the I had no idea you were a radical political nutjob emoji. That one would come in handy a lot. Or maybe the STOP SENDING ME GAME INVITES OR I’M UNFRIENDING YOU!!!  emojiHow about the Holy crap! Enough pictures of your dog/cat, don’t you have anything else in your life? emoji.

What I’d really like to see though is a feature where you can take selfies of you showing different feelings and then you can dial those up and put a little emoji of your own face with the appropriate emotion. That would seem far more personal than the plain smiley faces.

Picture credit: randomoverload.org

Picture credit: randomoverload.org

What really gets my goat (where’s the getting your goat emoji?) is that because Zuckerberg is a high I.Q., high end of the spectrum Asperger’s guy he’s created a website that forces the rest of the world to interact emotionally in the same limited way as him. Most people have heard the term Asperger’s. It is a disorder with a very wide range from autistic people with no ability to communicate at even the most basic level to high functioning, very intelligent people who have difficulty interpreting the emotional cues of others such as tone of voice, posture and facial expression.

To be honest, I have no idea if Zuckerberg is Asperger’s in any way, but he did develop Facebook so he could talk to girls in college. Now he’s trying to boil all our emotions down into five simple smiley faces. But for someone with Asperger’s, that might be perfect because that’s how they interpret emotions, broadly without a lot of nuance.

When I started writing this today I had no intent of getting preachy or educating anyone on Asperger’s syndrome. My intent was to point out that social media of all types may connect us with more people, which is great, but if we lean on social media as a relationship surrogate we are crippling ourselves emotionally as a society. I can imagine a future in which people have lost the ability to have genuine emotions because of a lack of real, face to face interaction and we’ll just marry the people who gave us the most “likes” or heart emojis.

So who wants to hit the WTF? emoji now? And what Facebook emojis would you like to see?

If you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share it on Facebook or Twitter (ironic, right?) by hitting the share buttons below. Have a great Saturday and get out there and emoji the hell out of someone you love! ~Phil

Zuckerberg: Facebook’s Evil Overlord

Remember about ten or fifteen years ago when chain letters/email were the bane of our inbox? Well, them and that poor Nigerian Prince who needs help transferring an enormous sum of money to your bank account. Last weekend I reached my breaking point and it wasn’t because, brace yourselves, I found out that the Nigerian prince is a scam. No, it was because not one, not two, or not even three, but several of my Facebook friends posted the “Facebook Chain letter.”

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No, that picture below is not it. That I did copy and paste. We’ve all seen the Facebook chain letter. I tried to find one on someone’s “timeline” but couldn’t. It’s almost as if someone removed or hid them. I smell Zuckerberg! That little weasel has been hiding and deleting evidence ever since me and Snowden caught on to his little scam. What’s his little scam? First, he’s the Nigerian Prince. That’s how he got the seed money to start Facebook. But secondly, once Facebook became popular he signed a very lucrative agreement to allow the government’s Central Intelligence Agency to monitor and harvest our information. You think that’s a crazy conspiracy theory? The cell phone companies were giving our info to the government, why wouldn’t Facebook?

The Facebook Chain Letter goes something like this: “I know most of you won’t re-post this, but I know that my true friends will. If you really care about others…”  Really? That’s how we show we care, by copying and pasting? How does the other person even know? Because we “tag” them?

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Is this what our relationships and self-esteem have come down to? A copy and paste? Is that how we show we care? Thank God it’s finally defined. For years men have been trying to find ways to definitively show people that we’re thoughtful and sensitive. Now, thanks to Zuckerberg we can! Man, how did we meet and have relationships before Facebook? Geez, I may have to Facebook stalk my wife to see if she had a secret life before she met me. If she didn’t I’ll wish her a Happy Anniversary on Facebook.

All these years I thought Zuckerberg was a complete tool! Oh wait, he is. But he’s a complete tool with about a billion dollars of government money in exchange for our lives. He created a website because he didn’t know how to have real, human relationships. He has single-handedly ruined the world. Now relationships are created and judged by likes, shares, and comments. Maybe that’s the way it should be. How many of us have had relationships where we wished we could have researched our partners history first? See? We’re all acting and thinking like Zuckerbergs now! (also, I am hereby copyrighting the phrase “Zuckerburger” just in case I decide to open a Facebook themed burger restaurant)

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But back to the chain letter…I’m pretty sure that some code is woven imperceptibly into the text that allows a government server to reach into and monitor our Facebook posts, connections and activity. No, they don’t read everything we write or do. They have filters that are set to detect certain words or themes. Don’t worry. If you’re not doing anything wrong you have nothing to worry about!

How do you feel about the possibility of the government monitoring your online or electric communications? Some people that oppose it talk about our civil liberties and privacy. I don’t really mind. If it keeps another 9/11 from happening I’ll cc all my texts and email straight to the government if they want. I’m pretty sure that my life probably bores the crap out of the people looking for terrorists or criminal activity. Of course the fact that I linked to the C.I.A.’s website and followed Edward Snowden on Twitter today probably raised some eyebrows somewhere. I just want to say a big Happy Saturday to all my new readers from the C.I.A., the F.B.I. and the N.S.A.! Thanks for all you do to keep us safe. Just don’t let your supervisor see you reading #ThePhilFactor at work.

If you enjoyed The Phil Factor and wanted to spread it like a chain letter please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below.  Have a great Saturday!

The Anti-Social Network: Let’s Fix Facebook, If Only For a Day

This is sort of my Throwback Thursday post, but I’ve decided to make this an annual thing. Two years ago I started the Facebook National No Re-Post Day and, in spite of my much smaller number of readers at the time, the idea caught on and was shared across the interwebs. Like the Groundhog, it’s time for it’s annual appearance. Read the rest and share.

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Just last weekend I noticed it. I looked at my Facebook page and I thought, Facebook is broken. This isn’t the Facebook I signed up for. When I joined Facebook I wanted to talk to people. I wanted to share with family and friends. I wanted to know how many kids you have and if they made honor roll.  Is junior in the school play or did Susie make the soccer team. I wanted to see your vacation pictures. I wanted to know what everyone else is doing this weekend or if you saw that movie and liked it.

What I did learn when I looked at my Facebook last week was that Alan likes Tough Mudder. I also found out from Joni’s  your-ecard  that sometimes she takes baths because it’s harder to drink wine in the shower. I also learned from Facebook that there are a lot of kooky pictures in favor of gun ownership. I discovered that Larry is really good at Candy Crush.  Apparently Samantha has a gambling problem because she goes to the Facebook casino almost every day.  I also had no idea Michael was a farmer that needed me to buy him a pig. Apparently George Takei has a lot more friends than I do. Whether I wanted to know or not, I now know that three of my friends like Dick’s…. Sporting Goods.  Occasionally you may even see stuff about a friend being an indie author and posting the link to his blog all the time.

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Facebook used to be the social network. We would actually post things about our lives and comment on or ask questions about the pictures and stories our friends and family posted. Now when I visit Facebook all I seem to see is an endless string of  re-posts and advertisements my friends have signed up for.  I’m as guilty as anyone. Some days I want to join in the Facebook fun but I don’t have anything new going on in my life so I’ll gladly borrow a bit of brilliance from Sulu or an e-card and re-post it on my wall hoping to get a laugh or a like.

In my title I suggested that we fix Facebook, if only for a day. My idea is the Facebook National No Re-Post Day on Facebook. It will be a day when we as the citizens of Facebook get back to our roots. Let’s take one day, on a weekend, when we do most of our online communicating, and spend the day not re-posting or liking ads but sharing on Facebook. Let’s post pictures of ourselves and our kids. Let’s talk about memories of high school. Let’s tell everyone where we’re going on vacation. Maybe we could even share our mood using words instead of a emoticons.  This year the date is this Saturday March 21st as Facebook National No Re-Post Day. 

Irony of all ironies though, if we’re going to make this work we’re going to have to re-post this a lot. Enough to get a viral thing going in two days. I will personally take responsibility to post this to George Takei, because if he’s on board it’s a done deal.  I need all of you to do the rest. Below this hit the Facebook Share button and encourage your friends. If you’re on WordPress hit the re-blog button. If you’re on Twitter please re-tweet. Follow me on Facebook or follow my blog for reminders for the big day. You could even start a Facebook event and invite all your friends as I did the  last two years. With a few clicks we can all take back Facebook this Saturday March 21st.  (Yeah, I’m completely serious. Let’s do this)