Category Archives: Thanksgiving

On To The Main Events!

Posted on November 24, 2023 | 4 comments

In the States Thanksgiving is just a speed bump we have to get past before we can really dig into Christmas and Hannukah. What do other countries do in November? Do you start decorating for Christmas the day after Halloween/Day of the Dead/ Samhain etc.?

This year some psychopaths got together and created a Thanksgiving horror movie. For cripes sake, is anything sacred? Not that I’m the biggest Thanksgiving fan, but really, how unoriginal was this idea? Haven’t we  seen this one before:

Oh no, holiday get together goes wrong. There’s an ominous, crazy, murderous person dressed up in a grotesque caricature costume of the holiday, picking off victims one by one, often in a different and horrible way each time. Eventually after everyone except one have been picked off, that lone gutty survivor manages to kill the perpetrator. Until the next sequel.  Sound familiar?

This is what happens when the writers go on strike. We get unoriginal regurgitated versions of things we’ve seen before. If you know a Hollywood movie/TV show writer, give them a hug and a cup of coffee.

So today is “Black Friday”. Fortunately, the old style Black Friday where you’d have to sleep out on a store’s doorstep to get a chance to buy a creepy animatronic doll is gone thanks to Amazon.

I love my Amazon, but it’s getting creepy how big it’s become and how much of our lives are dictated by Amazon. They started with just books, and I loved them back then. Now they manage a significant percentage of online data storage for corporations. They send rockets into space and a significant portion of what we watch on our phones and telephones are dictated by them. And today, Amazon will be raking in billions of our dollars just because they’re convenient.  They know more about us than the government, unless we didn’t read the permissions on some 40 page long contract we signed that allows them to sell our data to our government.

That last idea was kind of a bummer huh? My original intent was just to see if everyone else feels like I do about Thanksgiving being a speed bump on the way to Christmas/Hannukah. The rest of this was just some random thoughts. Feel free to comment on any or all of it. I hope you have a great Friday, if Amazon let’s us…

Also I’m seriously thinking that I should really run for President. There is no one out there I trust and want to vote for.

(See? I don’t always write inane fluff pieces!)

Thanks for reading! ~Phil

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Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

Posted on November 24, 2021 | Leave a comment

Thanksgiving! It’s that holiday where we are supposed to appreciate family and ponder our thankfulness about stuff. Yes, that’s right, stuff. I know it and you know it; we all say the same damn thing every year at the dinner table when it’s our turn to say what we’re thankful for. And those things are good, valid things like having family together and having a roof over our heads. But who has a good laugh over those things? Am I right?

I propose that we start a new tradition. How about if we talk about the fun, ridiculous things that we’re thankful for? The world is far too serious on a daily basis lately. Let’s lighten up. It’s the holidays and we need to smile. How about I start first? I’ll tell you what some of the unusual things I’m thankful are, and then, if you’ve read this far, in the comments put one unusual thing you are thankful for.

The Internet: I’m thankful for the internet. Without it, I wouldn’t be writing words that people all over the world read. Growing up I had to make jokes and say things to people in person. Now, according to my blog stats, someone in Nepal can (and did) look up the Top Ten Amish Sex Positions anytime they want and I don’t have to walk all the way over to Nepal to make those jokes. That’s the beauty of the internet. Go on, click that link. You know you want to. (And it is sooo worth it)

Cable television and streaming services: Yes, maybe I’m forty years late on expressing gratitude for cable television, but it’s about time somebody did. When I was a kid, before cable television, there were four “over the air” television stations. Four!!! And one of them was PBS for cripes sake! Seriously, is PBS the weirdest channel? You watch it until you’re about four years old and then you outgrow the kid shows and then don’t tune in again until you’re 70. It’s either Elmo or documentaries about World War I. And until cable television existed, those four channels went of the air at 2:00 a.m.!  The national anthem would play over a video of the flag and then it went to static until 6:00 a.m. Thank you technology Gods for inventing 24 hours a day television!

Keurig Coffee Makers: Yes, I know you coffee purists decry Keurig as garbage coffee. I know it’s not the best and it’s not the worst, but it is the fastest. I love my coffee and I love it even more when I can have it in twenty seconds. If the inventor of the Keurig Coffee maker ever dies, I would like to speak at his funeral. (Ironically, in THIS ARTICLE he later expressed regret for inventing it.)

There you go. Those are my top three unusual things that I’m thankful for. What about you? What’s one unconventional thing that you’re thankful for? Please add it in the comments.

Lastly, I hope you’re reading this through the internet with a cup of Keurig made coffee warming your hand. Whether you’re from the States or not, I’m thankful for you reading my blog. You’ve made my day and I hope you have a thankful day wherever you are. ~Phil

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Posted in Holidays, Humor, Thanksgiving

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The Ten Best Sitcom Thanksgiving Episodes of All Time!

Posted on November 21, 2021 | 4 comments

Don’t we all love the holiday episodes of our favorite shows? If you’re not into football, then dial up Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime TV on Thursday and watch these ten laugh out loud episodes from the past that will entertain you all day long.  I’ve only included ones that I’ve seen, so if you can think of some others, say so in the comments! I apologize to my international readers that this list is American centric. If you can think of your favorite holiday episodes from your country, please put them in the comments so we can discover new shows!

10. Cheers: Thanksgiving Orphans, Season 5, episode 9.

Everyone’s plans coincidentally fall through, as they only can on a sit-com, Carla hosts dinner for the gang and it ends in an epic food fight where we nearly get to see Norm’s wife, Vera. Find it on Amazon, Netflix and Hulu

9. The Office, WUPHF.com, season 7, episode 9.

Dwight hosts a fall festival in the parking lot so he can crown himself Hay King while Ryan tries to sell the office on his uber-connectivity app WUPHF.com. Find it on Netflix.

8. New Girl, season 4 episode 9, Bangsgiving

This episode features the gang staying home for Thanksgiving in their L.A. loft. As fate would have it, they all happen to be single at the time, so they set up a Secret Santa sort of arrangement where they draw names from a hat and they have to invite a Bangsgiving date for the person they picked. Hijinks ensue. Find it on Peacock.

7. South Park, season 4 episode 13, Hellen Keller! The Musical

I think that the title, Hellen Keller! The Musical says all you need to know about this. Find it on HBOMax.

6. That 70’s Show, season 1, episode 9, Thanksgiving

THAT ’70S SHOW

Eric gets hit on by his sister’s slutty friend and Donna is not happy about it. Eric’s mom Kitty is stressed about Red’s mom coming to dinner and they both forget to pick her up. Find it on Amazon Prime Video

5. Seinfeld, season 6, episode 8, The Mom and Pop store

Elaine helps her boss, Mr. Pitt, win a contest to pilot the Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. His joy is short lived when Jerry drops an Empire State Building statue out of Tim Whatley’s window and punctures the Woody Woodpecker balloon. In this episode Jerry walks around in a new pair of slippery cowboy boots and George buys a LeBaron convertible that he believes belonged to actor Jon Voight. Find it on Netflix.

4. WKRP in Cincinnati, season 1 episode 7, Turkeys Away

Yes, this is definitely an oldie, but it’s definitely one of the funniest Thanksgiving episodes of any show I’ve ever seen. If you don’t know the WKRP in Cincinnati series, it’s definitely worth a watch, and this episode is laugh out loud funny. Find it on AppleTV and Amazon Prime.

3. Roseanne, season 4 episode 10, We Gather Together

The Connors always knew how to make great holiday episodes. Their Halloween episodes are legendary and their Thanksgivings aren’t far behind. Find it on Amazon Prime Video.

2. How I Met Your Mother, season 3 episode 9, Slapsgiving

Due to a bet from a previous season, Marshall won the right to slap Barney 5 times over the rest of their lifetimes. He decides that Thanksgiving, aka Slapsgiving, is just the right day after building the suspense for weeks. At the end actor Jason Segal plays the piano and sings a song about the slap.

1. Friends, The One with All the Thanksgivings, Season 5, Episode 8

This episode of course has Monica with the turkey on her head, but it’s also got a bunch of fun flashbacks from the gangs Thanksgivings as well as their distant past. Find it on Netflix.

That’s my Top Ten. If you’ve got some favorite Thanksgiving episodes from other shows, please put them in the comments ! I hope you’re having a great weekend! ~Phil

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Posted in Humor, pop culture, Thanksgiving

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Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

Posted on November 21, 2012 | Leave a comment

In the United States it’s traditional to get together with family on Thanksgiving and share the important things you’re thankful for before gorging yourself on a meal centered on the large, dead carcass of the ugliest bird in North America. Every year everyone shares the usual platitudes about being thankful for family, friends and good heath. Duh! Who can’t come up with that? When I decided to write this I set out to write a positive, uplifting post so that my loyal readers don’t think that my every thought and written or spoken word are tinged with biting sarcasm. So without further adieu, here are some of the everyday things I am thankful for:

1. Youtube. Never in human history has anything allowed anyone to share in graphic, vivid, visual detail virtually anything you want. If you’re feeling down there’s sleepy kitten videos. If you need a laugh look up the Cinnamon Challenge or Gangnam Style. And if you’ve just inadvertently recorded video of an impossibly awkward groin injury to a friend what else are you going to do with it? Yes, I know it’s not new, but I’ve grown to appreciate it more lately. Do you think I should expand my internet Phil empire to include video blogging?

2. Girl Scout Cookies: Holy crap! Paradise in cookie form! Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, Tagalongs, Samoas, Dulce de Leche and many more. Most of the names are completely meaningless in relation to what the actual cookie is, but who the hell cares? I think the mysteriously weird names add to our desire for them. Great cookies, but the Girl Scouts organization is one of the dumbest businesses in existence. They have a product that is universally loved and they only sell it one month a year? Morons! All of them. Their stupid little badges certainly aren’t in business administration. If they sold those cookies year round they’d be a multi-billion dollar operation listed on the New York Stock Exchange. If they sold those cookies year round they could put crack cocaine out of business. 

3. The Keurig Coffee Maker: I don’t give a rat’s ass if they price those stupid little “pods” at $5.00 each, it will be well worth it if I can keep getting my morning cup of joe in 30 seconds. My time is valuable and Keurig gave me back about 5 minutes of every morning where I don’t have to stand there staring a a gurgling coffee maker.

4. Screw cap wine bottles: How does it make the wine better if you have to use a separate device that looks like it was designed for medieval torture to open it? And how often have you had the cork break and you have to use all sorts of improvised techniques to get it out and then the wine still has a bunch cork pieces in it that you fish out with your fingers? My wine sources tell me the screw cap is coming back. Simpler is better. Leave the corks for the French snobs to wrestle with. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, all wine bottles will have screw caps. 

5. Thruway E-Z Pass: Since I got a thruway E-Z pass about 4 years ago I think I’ve saved so much time not stopping at toll booths or waiting in toll lines that I’ve probably gotten back an entire extra day worth of time each year. I’m sure that some day they’ll discover that the little invisible beams that read my E-Z pass cause cancer, but because I’ve accumulated so much extra time from not stopping it will all even out as far as my life expectancy goes. 

Lastly but most importantly I’m thankful for all my wonderful, loyal friends who keep reading my blog and clicking the Facebook Like button. I’m not writing for you, I’m writing for me, but having someone laughing with me makes it so much better. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you and your families are well this holiday season.

As always, if you want to join the fun you can add comments below and click the Facebook like and Share buttons to let your friends in on the joke. You can find me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor and my humorous, murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons is available for Kindle, Nook, and iPad. 

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Posted in E-Z Pass, Girl Scout Cookies, Keurig, Thanksgiving, The Phil Factor, White Picket Prisons

Unusual Things I’m Thankful For

Posted on November 22, 2011 | 3 comments

In the United States it’s traditional to get together with family on Thanksgiving and share the important things you’re thankful for before gorging yourself on a meal centered upon the large, dead carcass of the ugliest bird in North America. Every year everyone shares the usual platitudes about being thankful for family, friends and good heath. Duh! Who can’t come up with that? When I decided to write this I set out to write a positive, uplifting post so that my loyal readers don’t think that my every thought and written or spoken word are tinged with biting sarcasm. So without further adieu, here are some of the everyday things I am thankful for:

Satellite radio. I have over 150 stations to choose from. I can pre-program 30 of them, making them available to me at the touch of a single button. I don’t ever have to listen to a radio commercial ever again. I can put my satellite radio on one station and drive my car clear across the country without ever changing the channel. All because somewhere, several miles above the Earth, is a giant satellite beaming the radio signal directly to my car. I don’t care if they discover that these satellite waves, possibly going straight through my skull on their way to my radio, cause tumors. The trade off is so worth it. 

Scallops wrapped in bacon. In my opinion there is nothing else edible that can cause me to go into a swoon like scallops wrapped in bacon with a little toothpick through them. I highly recommend removing the toothpick before ingesting these wonderful little delicacies. The taste isn’t half as good when half of a toothpick is scraping it’s way down the inside of your esophagus. If there is a Nobel Prize for cooking somebody should get one for this idea. Now these are a food to base a holiday around!

The Name Game. You know the name game right? That little rhyming thing where you take any name and impose nonsense syllables upon it. With my name it goes like this: Philly Philly bo billy, banana fana fo Philly, me my mo milly, Philly! I didn’t learn how to do this until I was 21 years old and it never fails to cheer me up or make me smile. I want to see everyone do the name game with their own name when you post a comment below. (Just for fun at home, try it with the name Ducky)

The interwebs. Thank you Al Gore for inventing it for us. Without it how would we ever find our perfect match using 29 personality variables?  Also without the interwebs I could never get the daily positive reinforcement for my ridiculous thoughts and theories that I get when I check my blog and see how many page views I got. I was always that kid that caused your teachers and parents to say, “Don’t laugh, you’ll only encourage him.” Thank you all for encouraging me. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to show how thankful you are for it please click the Facebook “Like” button below, follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor, and subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle.

 

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Posted in Scallops, Thanksgiving, The Name Game