I’d like to address a very serious subject. A malady if you will, that afflicts thousands, maybe millions, of people each and every day. It is a subject of such horror, such an abomination, that those who suffer from this disorder hide it, even from their loved ones.
That mullet and vest combo truly terrifies me.
I am, of course, speaking of Coulrophobia. No, Coulrophobia is not the fear of Dave Coulier. If it were, that would be my problem. Well, me and Alanis Morissette. Coulrophobia is “the irrational and persistent fear of clowns.” Yes, it is so prevalent it has been given a scientific name by psychologists. Apparently this is a very serious subject because there are hundreds of websites dedicated to discussing and curing this fear.
I don’t get it!!!! What the hell is so scary about a guy in makeup, big pants, and floppy red shoes? You know what they say, big feet big… I suppose that’s why they have to wear the big pants. Do you Coulrophobes think that the squirting flower they wear is symbolic of what’s going on in the big pants perhaps?
Is it the swollen red nose that suggests alcoholism? C’mon, we all have a lovable, old drunk somewhere in our family tree! And yes, I intentionally put that big clown picture at the top of the article just to freak out the clown-o-phobes. Aside from John Wayne Gacy, can anyone else name a clown that has ever done anyone any harm? (No, Michael Jackson doesn’t count!) If you weren’t creeped out by clowns before, I’ll bet you are now, but in a different way. Enjoy the circus this year everyone!
Have a great Saturday! Thanks for clowning around with me! ~Phil
What do you think of clowns? I was working on two thoughtful, interesting blog posts this morning when, while watching the news, I discovered that my city is hosting a clown festival this weekend! Who doesn’t love clowns, am I right? A clown festival is certainly an activity that doesn’t seem necessary for any reason. I feel like it’s an event just inviting a serial killer to our city. Ok, come on you clown lovers, show me some hate in the comments if you’d like to present a different perspective.
When the topic of clowns came up, I remembered that years ago, at least a decade, I wrote a post about clowns. I went back and read it and liked it, so I’m going to give it to you today. I also discovered that I had written a couple other blogs espousing the joy of clowns, so it’s going to be a full-on clown weekend! I love a good theme.
The Clown Whisperer (first published Aug. 7, 2007)
(This is a true story from several years ago)
Yesterday started out normally enough and then I saw the first clown. Yes, I said the first clown. There is no circus in town. There was no parade yesterday. But there he was, in front of the guitar store waiting for a ride. He sat on the bench and carefully arranged his clown suitcase and his other clown accoutrements in front of him as he waited. I became self-conscious that he might notice me staring even though I was watching him in my rear view mirror. He appeared to look in my direction, right at my rear view mirror and into my soul. A chill crept across my heart. I looked down for a moment, fearful that he was returning my gaze and I’d suddenly be mesmerized by his piercing stare. Then when I looked up again he was gone. It was so sudden that I wasn’t certain he’d ever been there. There was no car pulling away. No trail of endless brightly colored handkerchiefs. Just nothing. He was…gone.
Later in the day I was driving home from running some errands and as I stopped at a traffic light I looked at the car turning left, crossing the intersection in front of me. What I saw looking back at me was unbelievable. Two clowns in a car. Yep, only two. But they were clowns in full makeup looking at me as they passed. “WTF,” I thought. And then they were gone, just like the other one.
Why? Why are all these clowns showing up? What is the meaning? Why are they following me? As far as omens go, this can’t be a good one. Randomly seeing three clowns in one day with no circus or parade going on? That is effing weird. Apparently I’m The Clown Whisperer. Enjoy your coulrophobia! Have a great Thursday! ~Phil
I’m posting this throwback post from 2016 because I love creepy clown stuff weirding people out.
Many of you are familiar with the current clown crisis in the United States. I would like to say that me reporting on it and a guy in Northampton, England who did it, were way ahead of the curve. Back in Sept. 2013 I wrote about the Northampton Clown.
If you’re not familiar with the “clown crisis” in the United States, first let me decrease your anxiety by stating that it has nothing to do with Donald Trump.
The clown crisis is a trend of people dressing as creepy clowns and behaving in somewhat menacing ways in random places towards random strangers. Imagine getting home from work after dark. You get out of your car and no one else is around. Suddenly a creepy clown steps out of the bushes or from between a couple nearby cars and starts walking towards you. Yeah, it’s stuff like that that’s been going on constantly all over the United States for about two months now.
It’s become such a trending topic that on Twitter Stephen King said:
Hey, guys, time to cool the clown hysteria–most of em are good, cheer up the kiddies, make people laugh.
Really Steve? You are completely responsible for people being afraid of clowns in the first place.
Guess what everybody? I’ve got a hunch that the clown crisis started as a publicity stunt for…a movie remake of IT that’s scheduled to be released next year. Yes, IT was a movie in 1990 and because Hollywood has run out of original ideas, they’ve made another one. It’s in post-production now. I’m thinking that some marketing genius decided to try to start kind of an underground Blair Witch-like independent buzz about scary clowns and hired some actors to pop up in creepy clown costumes. It worked, but it bred teenage idiotic copycats.
Sadly however, it’s always the children clowns that suffer. Yes, there is outcry from all over the country from “real” clowns that the recent outbreak of creepy clowns is scaring people away. Watch this short video interview:
Did he just say, “John Wayne Gacy. Nice guy as a clown, I’m told by clown people.”?!!? First of all, who has “clown people” ? Although I’m sure many of you think I’m a clown people kind of guy, surprisingly I’m not.
Sadly, the mean, scary clown craze has ruined the clowning industry. According to an interview with Yo Yo the clown, of Syracuse, “These creepy clowns walking through the neighborhoods is really disturbing for us good clowns who just want to make people happy,” Yo Yo said. “There are a lot of good clowns out there.” Yo Yo, You’re damn right there are a lot of good clowns out there. So why don’t they do something about it? Why can’t the good clowns patrol our neighborhoods and fight the creepy clowns? I want a full on Clown War! Or at least a Netflix original series based on that premise.
I believe however that the creepy clown craze has just about run it’s cycle. How do I know this? Because there’s a #ClownLivesMatter movement. Just check the hashtag on Twitter. Someone has organized a #ClownLivesMatter peace walk in Arizona. Seriously, now we’re doing a 5K to support serious clowns? I can’t wait for the ribbon magnet to put on the back of my car. Of course if I do, I’ll be able to fit like 20 people in there.
Hey, just for fun, since I’ve used the hashtag #ClownLivesMatter, could all of you click either or both the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below? I’d love to see this post show up really high in the Google list when people do a search for #ClownLivesMatter. Have a great Thursday! Just don’t do too much clowning around ~Phil
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure, parapsychologist, author of several humorous suspense novels and one of the longest running blogs in the world, The Phil Factor.
thephilfactor.com
