I Vie, You Vie, We All Vie for Wi-Fi !



That’s the dream isn’t it? Free wi-fi 24/7, everywhere we go! The idea for this post came from a thought of mine last week. Yup, I had one. Hard to believe, I know, but sometimes I do. I thought to myself, what would I sacrifice to have free, 24/7 wi-fi everywhere I go? Has anyone else had this thought?

I thought that I could give up the pinky toe on my left foot for free lifetime wi-fi. I briefly thought I might let doctors implant a tiny wi-fi router somewhere in my body. I ruled that out though because I was worried about possible cancer from the constant signal coursing through my organs. Then I reconsidered because I remembered that  I’ve eaten fruit covered in pesticides and Chicken McNuggets made from chicken and asbestos my whole life and I don’t have cancer yet, (Two things: 1. if there is a God, please don’t smite me, it was a joke, and 2. If my blog is popular enough that McDonald’s sues me for the asbestos Chicken McNuggets line, I will be so proud)


Then I thought (yes, two times in a week!) that the premise of a great reality/game show would be a series of escalating mental and physical challenges like the old show Fear Factor (which gave me the idea for the name of this blog ten years ago)  until the final, victorious contestant, who is willing to go farther than the others, finally wins free 24/7 wi-fi for life.

So anyway, back to my left pinky toe. The more I think about it, the more I think I could give it up for free wi-fi. Here are the reasons that came into my head: 1) I’m right footed, so I probably wouldn’t miss the left pinky toe. 2) I wear socks and or shoes about 90% of the time, so nobody would even notice. 3) You know how bad it is when you accidentally stub your pinky toe hard on the corner of something?  I’d reduce the chance of that by 50%. 4) If someone did notice it was missing, once it’s all healed over, how repulsive would it really look?


I did consider if I’d give up a pinky finger for free wi-fi, but ruled that out pretty quickly because in my spare time I’m a classical concert pianist. No, I’m not, but I still could be if I have all my digits. It’s funny isn’t it? Fifteen years ago we didn’t have wi-fi and now I’m debating if I’d give up body parts for it. I would bet I’m not the only one either. That’s why the cell phone carriers are so evil. They know we want our data and they charge us crazy amounts, and we pay it.

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I am going to put Stephen Hawking and Neil deGrasse Tyson to work on developing a worldwide wi-fi system. It won’t be free, but it will be worked into your taxes for a fraction of the cost of the wi-fi or data signal you pay for through cell phone carriers. It would just become another public utility that everyone has a right to.  (Also, how did the Canadians know to name that high school drama TV show after Neil deGrasse Tyson before he was even famous?)  And did you know that Stephen Hawking is British? I don’t hear that in his accent at all. Go ahead click the links, those really are their websites)


So I guess there’s two ways I’ll get my 24/7 free worldwide wi-fi. I either have to become President or find someone to offer it to me in exchange for my left pinky toe. What would free wi-fi everywhere be worth to you?

As always, have a great Saturday and if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it by wi-fi by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or reblog button below.

7 responses to “I Vie, You Vie, We All Vie for Wi-Fi !

  1. Oh Phil – such a timely post after my trials with wifi for the past month. I was ready to throw my laptop at the wall and exile myself from the virtual world.

    Turns out I had a corrupted wifi driver. Huh. Didn’t even know such a thing existed.

  2. hahaha You’re funny! Here I am trying to figure out if there is a device that can block WIFI, turn it off in a 50′ radius. I hate people trying to walk over me because the are surfjng their phones!

  3. I would vote for free wifi in a heartbeat! So you might not get my pinkie, but you would get my SOUL!!!

  4. If I gave my pinkie toe for barter
    I think I’d ask a better offer
    Like all the chocolate you can buy
    And you can have your free wifi

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