Our current President might say this list is “Fake news. Sad!” but I would testify to a Senate Intelligence Committee that it’s all the truth. This is my quarterly reminder that whatever you put into a Google search, someone somewhere is going to read it. Quite possibly the Russians, but I swear that I took precautions to ensure that the Russians couldn’t interfere with this list.
10. Worst Tattoos: I don’t think my tattoos are that bad. What? You want to know what my tattoos are? When I get a new blog follower, I go to their profile page and print out their pic and get it tattooed somewhere on my body. If you want to know where yours is, email me. (BTW, I’ve got a few choice spots left. Let me know which one you want!)
9. bulbus nude ass: That may be where my tattoo of you is.
8. Sociopath smell: I thought I smelled like Teen Spirit, but apparently I smell like a sociopath. It’s kind of a sandal wood smell.
7. cool reason to guve up sleep: I think a cool reason to guve up sleep is to read every #ThePhilFactor post ever. Just keep scrolling backward. And call work. You won’t be going in today.
6. psychic will trump be impeached: As the only psychic on this blog I answered this question HERE
5. look at what you did dr. david dao: I’m pretty sure David Dao didn’t do anything. He looks downright lazy there. The airline crew is doing all the work!.
4. stop sending me chain letters: Those aren’t chain letters. You signed up for the emails when I post to my blog. But as long as you’re here, I’m a Nigerian Prince and I have a large sum of money I’d like to send to your bank account.
3. phil government shitdowb: Relax everyone. The Phil Government is just fine. There will be no shitdowb on my watch!
2. phil hindi sex: As much as I enjoy strangers from all over the world wanting very personal information about me, I swear I have never had sex with a hindi. Not that I’m opposed. I’m sure that most of the Hindi speaking people would be fine sexual partners. I think they even wrote a book about it.
1. Queen Amidala on toilet: I’m not sure what’s stranger; that someone searched this topic, or that Google directed them to my blog when they searched it.
Trust me, there were a few worse search terms that I refuse to put on my family friendly blog. The only thing more disturbing than some of these search terms is the spelling and grammar some people use. Obviously many of them don’t google the spelling of what they’re looking up. I hope you have a great weekend! ~Phil