Category Archives: end of the world

Fun Ways To Prepare for the Apocalypse Part II

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine… R.E.M. 1987  Why Michael Stipe said that I don’t know. Hopefully he reads my blog and will explain in the comments section below.  I don’t feel fine. If the world ends that would kind of suck. I’m having fun.  If the Mayans were right, enjoy my blog while you can. By the time I get around to Part III it might be too late. But, if the world’s going to end we might as well have some fun with it. Sure we can all speculate about or last words to loved ones, running up the credit cards and eating cheesecake all month, blah, blah, blah… let’s get creative! Here are some ways I’ll be preparing for the apocalypse:

1. Send an e-mail to my boss that says, “I quit!” Then five minutes later send another that says “Sorry, that was for my wife.” Then send an e-mail to wife saying, “I quit!”  then five minutes later… It’s the end of the world, why not screw with people? How long can they possibly hold a grudge?

2. Pajama jeans. Admit it, we all see those commercials and we mock, but secretly we think to ourselves, “That does look comfortable…” Until the end of the world I am going to rock the pajama jeans to work. Every day. With a shirt and tie. I wonder if they make them in stonewashed?

3.  Apply for lots of impressive jobs that begin after Dec. 21. You can lie on your resume and in interviews. It won’t matter! If the world doesn’t end, I am going to have a kick ass resume next year. 

4. Exclamation points!!! Every sentence that I type or speak until Dec. 21st will end in an exclamation point! If we have limited time left I want everything to be as exciting as possible! Or at least to seem as exciting as possible! I will speak every sentence up tempo and slightly louder than it should be spoken! If you’re having an End of The World party this should be the one rule you have!  

5.  Buy the Hostess company! I’ll put in a tremendous bid to buy the entire company out of bankruptcy! If the world ends I won’t have to pay it off and I’ll spend the next two weeks as a national hero! I’ll be known as The Man Who Saved the Twinkies!

This is my summary paragraph! You know the 6 degrees of separation theory?!!? By that theory every person on Earth is separated from anyone else by no more that 6 people connections! Let’s test that theory with hopefully a really fun result! In the first paragraph I speculated as to why Michael Stipe was fine with the end of the world! If we really are only separated by 6 people connections and if every person that reads this goes back to their Facebook page and hits the “Share” button eventually this will get shared where Michael Stipe will see it and leave the requested comment! Don’t just click the Like button below, go back to the post on your FB page and click the Share! We only have two weeks for this to get back to Michael Stipe! Go! 



Fun Ways to Prepare for the Apocalypse

It’s 2012, the year the world is supposed to end. The end of the world concerns me greatly. What if the Mayans were right? Where will I live if the world ends? Now that the shuttle program has ended how will I get to the moon? And who among my Facebook friends will get to go with me? 

Should we be worried this time? Is there a chance the Mayans were right? In the news recently a current day Mayan leader said, “Dude, seriously, I am so sick of hearing about this. If the world does end, don’t try and pin it on us. Damn, did you ever think that maybe the guy making the calendar just died, got laid off, or was fired for stealing office supplies?” I may be paraphrasing a bit, but that was the gist of it. He also pointed out that in some other carved-in-stone tablets another Mayan referenced the year 4077. He didn’t reference a specific day, but I’ll be pretty mad if the world ends right before my birthday again. My cell phone, pda, and computer all have calendar functions and all of the calendars go past Dec. 21, 2012 so there’s all the proof you need that the world is not going to end in 11 months. In fact, I have written a post and dated it to be released to my blog for Dec. 22, 2012, the day after the world is supposed to end. Suck on that you Mayan calendar nutjobs.

Hmmm…should we all be prepared though, just in case? And how should we prepare? Build shelters in our basements and stock up on non-perishable foods? Nah, that’s no fun. I plan on getting ready for the Philpocalypse all year long.  Yes, I’ve re-named it and am trademarking the word “Philpocalypse” so that any reference to the end of the world will have to use the word “Philpocalypse.” I’m going to make a fortune on t-shirts and the evening news should be fun.

Other fun ways to prepare for the Philpocalypse?

1. Quit your job: No, not today. Give your employer a letter of resignation announcing that you’re resigning your position effective December 22, 2012. Just make sure you word it so that your resignation is contingent on the end of the world. Get it notarized.

2. Pajama Jeans: Not that you ever need an excuse to wear pajama jeans, but if anyone asks why, a simple “The world is going to end. Does it matter what I wear?” should suffice. Who’s going to argue with that? And besides, they make my butt look amazing.

3. Speak your mind: You only have 11 months left to say everything you’ve wanted to say to anyone who has wronged you at any point in your life. I am so digging up my class pictures from Cicero Elementary School. Yeah, you know who you are and now you know the Philpocalypse is coming for you. Nobody takes my fish sticks and gets away with it.

4. Vote for President: But not just a vote for just any Presidential candidate. If the world is really going to end and the election results won’t matter, then why not join together, all of us, hopefully more than the all of us reading this, and write in a candidate together. Someone absolutely ridiculous but who would be so entertaining that we wouldn’t mind the State of the Union address disrupting our regular t.v. watching. Charlie Sheen? A Kardashian? Russell Brand? The Situation? Carrot Top? Me? Any suggestions? 

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to embrace the Philpocalypse you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor.