Category Archives: funny

Welcome to the Future: My Psychic Predictions for 2023

That’s me in the crystal ball. I’m not the lady

This is my favorite post to write each year. Partly because I get to use that picture above and partly because I’m mostly serious but no one believes me. I’ve  had a lifetime of undisciplined, untrained, unintentional psychic experiences that have led me to know that I see the future.  Some of what I predict here is a dead serious look at what I see in the future and some of it is silly for silly’s sake. Of course, sometimes my silly predictions have come true. <– click for the 2016 Courtney Kardashian prediction that I nailed)

Just to certify my bonafides as the kids say (the kids aren’t saying it yet, but by the end of 2023…) take a look at my predictions from last year.

The Real Psychic Predictions for 2023: 

Picture from Buzzfeed

Who Will Pete Davidson be dating? A shorter list might be who Pete Davidson isn’t dating. Right now, rumors have him dating Australian actress Emily Ratajkowski (Gone Girl, We Are Your Friends), but lets be honest, is Pete ever going to settle down? No he is not. Will his dalliance with Emily lead to marriage? No, it will lead to 53 year old Mariah Carey. Yes, that’s my prediction.  29 year old Pete and Mariah. Book it. And when that ends could it be Britney…? Also, based on his relationship spree over the past few years Pete Davidson will be named 2023’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Picture property of NPR

Will Life on Earth End? No, but it will seem precarious at one point during the first half of the year. The war in Ukraine is at the center of that. And don’t forget about Kim Jong Un of North Korea. He’s going to make some noise in 2023.

Picture Harper’s Bazaar and Getty Images

How Long Will King Chuck Reign? We all know I love my Royals. After Phil Factor favorite Queen Liz crossed the rainbow bridge, Prince Charles ascended to the throne. Sadly his reign will be short. He will be done in by Covid during 2023 and Prince William will become King. Having heard of the accuracy of my predictions, King Will will hire me as a full time advisor to the throne. Also, Prince Harry, after his separation with Meghan, will begin a relationship with Canadian singer Avril Lavigne.

picture property of iStock

Will everything be expensive forever? Nobody is going to make it rain, and the world economy will seem bleak in the first three months of 2023, but March through May will show some positive signs of potential growth. In the second half of 2023 a long, slow recovery will begin. It won’t get back to where it was before the recession, but it will be better and moving in the right direction.

Australian Archeologists Discover 4th Hemsworth Brother! In an Australian desert, archeologists will unearth what they believe to be the fourth devastatingly handsome Hemsworth brother. He will have fallen asleep and became covered in drifting sand when found. Apparently he got lost on a walkabout looking for the beach. People Magazine  has already named him Sexiest Man Alive for 2023.

I hope you enjoyed my look ahead. Obviously that last one is fanciful, unless I buried a male model in the Australian desert. I’m not saying I did, but if it happens, those aren’t my fingerprints.

If you have any questions you’d like me to answer psychically, please put them in the comments and I will reply. Keep in mind that I cannot do a personal reading or answer specific personal questions of people I haven’t met. Best wishes to you and yours in the new year!

Psychically Yours, Phil

Olympians are People Too…Horny People

Picture from USAToday.com

Gosh the Olympic athletes are just wonderfully wholesome aren’t they? Playing a sport they love just for the sake of enjoying competition. They all deserve to be on that Wheaties box that your kids see on the kitchen table.

As in past games, Olympic officials will distribute more than 100,000 condoms to the 10,500 athletes housed in the Olympic village. That’s roughly 10 condoms per athlete. If you consider that some athletes won’t need them because they’re faithfully married, have a same-sex relationship, or just monogamous with someone, that means that someone is getting a whole lot of nooky. I wonder if the Olympic athletes have some unofficial records for some of the sports they participate in when the lights go out? And don’t you imagine that if they’re getting jiggy with it, they do it with nothing but their medals on? I know that’s what I would do.

Picture credit Slate.com

When you’re watching the Tokyo Olympics and that wholesome guy or gal is stepping down from the medal podium, aren’t you going to be wondering who they’ll be medaling with later? And if they do, are there judges holding up scorecards?

Have a great Wednesday! ~Phil

What Would Your Groundhog Day be like?

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Spoiler alert, in case you didn’t know, Sunday is Groundhog Day. Who doesn’t love this movie? Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. Also, here’s another spoiler alert, today, February 1st, 2020, I added a new question at the end of this post that I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts on.

This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006 and I now post it every year, over and over, just like Phil’s Groundhog Day in the movie.

(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

I’m curious, if you could have one day of your life to do over until you get it right, what day would that be and why? As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Have a great Friday!  ~Phil