I am absolutely outraged! Just because I’m a small time author, some big movie company thinks they can steal my title, change a word and pretend it’s their idea. My Fifty Shades of Phil book came out in June 2013, so obviously I had the idea first. I’m considering legal action.
Because of this weeks movie opening of Fifty Shades of Grey I thought I’d capitalize on all the people searching the web for info using the phrase #FiftyShades by putting my book on sale. Many people may visit my site here from their smartphones and never see the link in the sidebar for my book Fifty Shades of Phil. I could tell you about the book that contains the best 50 humor essays from the first 8 years of The Phil Factor, but I won’t. I’ll let the reviewers do it for me:
NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams: “This is the best book I’ve ever helped Phil write.”
Hilariously Funny! ~Narly Nuts Book Lovers: Phil takes us on a HILARIOUS ride of HUMOR and TRUTH! He says all the things we know to be true, but most of us likely don’t say out loud. We think it and know how we feel about the different topics. Yes, some of it is ego-centric and down right blunt, but what fun would it be if Phil wasn’t putting his spin on it.
All in all, this is a book I will recommend for laughs, wit and Phil’s oh so subtle charm. When Phil is elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, I WILL VOTE PHIL, whichever comes first.:)
Kurisutsure: Funniest book I’ve read in a LONG time. Seriously, I can’t wait for the next one! I laughed at something in every post, which may indicate I am an “overlaugher.” When I got to the end I wanted more, and still do.
Author Sean Smithson (How to Lose a Girl in 10 Ways): “Perfect read for any commute. …snappy and entertaining reading. Perfect for a very recent and uncomfortable long haul flight. Definitely do not regret picking this up.”
To celebrate the movie #FiftyShadesofGrey this week I’ve put this book on sale for just 99 cents for Kindle, Nook, or in the iTunes bookstore. I’m not sure what it is in Euro’s or GBP but you can still find it in the Amazon bookstore in every country in the world and they’ll tell you how much it is. What? You don’t have a Kindle or Nook? You don’t need one! You can download the free Kindle or Nook app to your iPad or smartphone and then download Fifty Shades of Phil.
Yes, it’s that time again, time for me to propose common sense changes to a broken world. If I win the Powerball lottery I will use that money to implement changes for the good of all. And by all, I mean me. If I don’t win the lottery these changes will have to wait until I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first.
1. Walk how you drive: In the U.S. when we drive we stay to the right so traffic flows in both directions. Unfortunately, due to the stupidity of many, when we get out of our cars all hell breaks loose. How many times have you been in a mall or supermarket when you are suddenly confronted by some dolt walking the other direction who has idiotically forced you into the awkward “which way do I go?” dance because they walked right at you? Also, when driving on the highway at 65 mph (or 100 km/hour for the rest of the world) would you ever consider just stopping suddenly to look at something? Yeah, what happens when someone walking in front of you at the mall does that? You find yourself suddenly way more intimate with their backside than you’re comfortable with. I propose that the rules of the road be enforced in all public areas even if we have to paint lines. If you’re walking, stay to the right and if you want to look at something, get the hell out of the flow of traffic.
2. Screw Caps! No, I’m not opposed to capital letters. I want screw caps mandatory on all wine bottles. You know what was great about the Middle Ages? Me either. In the Middle Ages they had legal torture and the bubonic plague. They also put wine in bottles and sealed them with corks. How many other traditions from the Middle Ages have we continued? Who hasn’t had a cork break and get stuck in the neck of the bottle forcing you to break it out piece by piece? Then you have to pick the pieces out of your glass of wine. And don’t give me that rubber cork crap either! There is no logical reason for us to use a medieval torture tool to open a bottle when we could just screw the cap off. And in the right situation I’m not opposed to wine in juice boxes. How sweet would that be when you’re golfing or at a ball game?
3. Public bathroom stalls: It’s almost impossible to keep a shred of dignity intact in these places. I have so little dignity that I can ill afford to lose any more. I believe all public restroom stalls should be the size of the handicap stalls. Most of us are uncomfortable enough using public restrooms, why do we need to be in these tiny closets where shoulders touch the walls and our feet almost touch those of the person next to us? I believe the walls of stalls should go all the way down to the floor too. I don’t want to touch your feet or see your pants on the floor around your ankles.
I had considered writing a blog about the outrage everyone had about the Abercrappie and Filth CEO’s comments about not having larger sizes because they only want the “cool kids” to wear their clothes but then I realized the outrage was misguided. I’m not outraged that the Big and Tall shop doesn’t have clothes in my size. I’m also not angry that Depends doesn’t market to me. And damn that AARP for their exclusivity! I’d love some of the benefits they have. Isn’t anyone upset that Lane Bryant doesn’t make lingerie in a size 6? Guess what? Every company markets to a specific audience and excludes others. The public outrage was actually a good thing for A&F and they’ll probably toast their own genius as soon as they can get those damn corks out of the bottle.
As always, if you enjoy what you read please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below. If you have comments or contributions, feel free to leave them in the comments section. To reward those of you who have read this far I will give you a little clue about my second book which will be out in about 6 weeks. It will remind you of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor.