This is a picture of my GPS two weeks ago. It actually said, as you can see, “Leave the road“. I thought to myself, WTF? Why would that phrase even be programmed into a GPS? And what prompted my GPS to decide that I needed to do that? Did my GPS know something I didn’t? Was it temporarily controlled by some mysterious outside force? I posted that picture on Facebook and my college friend Dave J. gave me the idea for this Top Ten list. (and yes, that is a Star Wars Tie Fighter and my GPS talks in Darth Vader’s voice. Nerdy but it keeps me entertained)
10. Leave the road: I wonder how many people would just blindly, without question, obey their GPS? I did not.
9. Seriously, put the car in park and look at your hair: Wouldn’t this be great? Or maybe it could tell you when you have something stuck in your teeth.
8. Turn down the alley: My GPS actually has this as a command. I’m pretty sure anytime that you turn into any alley you’re going to get murdered. It seems to be my GPS’s option when it doesn’t know a streets name. Either that or my GPS hates me.
7. Stop being a creepy stalker: If your GPS detects you repeatedly parking outside of the same address without getting out of the car it would tell you this. Imagine how many restraining orders this would prevent, and how many relationships it might save.
6. You’ve had too much to drink. I’m shutting the car down: I think every car should have a breathalyzer connected to the ignition. And no, I’ve never had to have one of those. It only seems like I must have been drunk when I wrote my blog.
5. Oh my God! Did you eat too much cheese again? Open the window: This one is pretty self-explanatory.
4. Calm down asshat. That was your fault: If our GPS could talk us out of road rage incidents the world would be a better place.
3. No, that girl/guy in the car next to you is not checking you out: I know that all guys fantasize that the roads are the world’s biggest night club and think that it’s possible to meet women just by looking at them. Do women believe this too?
2. Are you kidding me? Did you not hear me? I said turn right! Alright. Do whatever you want. This one’s not on me: I desperately want a really sarcastic GPS.
1. You’re going the wrong way. No, not on the road. In your life: Life advice from your GPS would be great wouldn’t it? It would be like getting in a therapy session during your morning commute.
So do you have any suggestions for what you think your GPS should say? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil