Sadly, none of these were written by me. I love my Twitter though. If I was still doing stand-up I’d be stealing from Twitter all the time. In no particular order of funniness, here are ten tweets that made me laugh this week.
@Quartzjixler: Fifty Shades of Grey? See it all the time. – dogs
@AnAbsurdBird: I only go to the gym this time of day cos *all the pensioners in make me look like a badass, *some of, *OK! Just that guy with the dodgy hip.
@SamGrittner: POLICE OFFICER: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
ME: “Because you know I love riddles.”
@Sasshole: I’d like to say I have a yoga body, but it’s really more of a Yoda body. Resist all the cheese, I can’t.
@HeyZeus666: *starts hot tub time machine*
*goes back 3 hours in time*
*saves fifteen bucks by not going to see Hot Tub Time Machine*
@SardonicTart: If God is real, then explain why the weekend is only two days
@Ryncasaurus: Woman: what colour are my eyes?
W: what? White??
M: oh. Sorry. That’s the only part we see when you’re always rolling them at us.
@biclops72: The Grinch’s prostate was also 3 sizes too big
@CatherineLMK: Oh, so if a baby takes 3 steps and falls over, everyone goes nuts. But if I do it I’m “an embarrassment” and “ruining your son’s birthday”?
Like I said, I love my Twitter, but not everyone “gets” Twitter. If you aren’t a tweeter but would like to understand it a little better, read my post from last fall, A Guide to Twitter for the Non-Twits. If you are on Twitter and I’m not following you yet, follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
Some good one’s in there. Thanks for the chuckle 😀
You were my inspiration for joining Twitter 🙂
I’m still feeling around in that odd parallel universe. I tip my head in there for a quick look and the next thing I know, an hour has disappeared. A strange world indeed!
Twitter can be a big time suck. I usually just dip in when I’m watching TV or doing nothing. It’s always good for a laugh or two
I must follow the wrong twitterers Phil because I don’t see funnies like this! Of course its still Greek to me, but I’m plugging along. ~Elle
Well you’re certainly welcome to follow all those people and if you follow me, I retweet the funniest stuff I read all the time.
I’m on board!
What’s your Twitter name? Am I already following you?
Not sure. It’s @knowleselle
Well I will now!
I’m not a natural tweeter (maybe a woofer?) Thanks for the tutorial on being a Twit. I’ll try to be better!
Thanks for these odd bits of wits
Frankly I thought they all were twits.
That last one was great!
I don’t understand Twitter and that’s probably a good thing. I am already spending way too much time on social media. Twitter would surely push me over the edge.
You do a great job with your social media. I love your Instagram. I agree though that there are so many firms of social media that it’s impossible to keep up with more than a couple
I never used toget Twitter either but since I got a blog it just started to make sense.
I like Twitter because it’s still amazing that we can have a conversation in real time with a complete stranger on the other side of the world.