Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Funniest Tweets I Read Last Week

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Sadly, none of these were written by me. I love my Twitter though. If I was still doing stand-up I’d be stealing from Twitter all the time. In no particular order of funniness, here are ten tweets that made me laugh this week.

@Quartzjixler: Fifty Shades of Grey? See it all the time. – dogs

@AnAbsurdBird: I only go to the gym this time of day cos *all the pensioners in make me look like a badass, *some of, *OK! Just that guy with the dodgy hip.

@SamGrittner: POLICE OFFICER: “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

ME: “Because you know I love riddles.”

Yoda_Empire_Strikes_Back

@Sasshole: I’d like to say I have a yoga body, but it’s really more of a Yoda body. Resist all the cheese, I can’t.

Hottubtimemachinecover

@HeyZeus666: *starts hot tub time machine*

*goes back 3 hours in time*

*saves fifteen bucks by not going to see Hot Tub Time Machine*

@SardonicTart: If God is real, then explain why the weekend is only two days

@Ryncasaurus: Woman: what colour are my eyes?

Man: white

W: what? White??

M: oh. Sorry. That’s the only part we see when you’re always rolling                                 them at us.

the-grinchs-heart

@biclops72: The Grinch’s prostate was also 3 sizes too big

@CatherineLMK: Oh, so if a baby takes 3 steps and falls over, everyone goes nuts. But if I do it I’m “an embarrassment” and “ruining your son’s birthday”?

Like I said, I love my Twitter, but not everyone “gets” Twitter. If you aren’t a tweeter but would like to understand it a little better, read my post from last fall,  A Guide to Twitter for the Non-Twits.  If you are on Twitter and I’m not following you yet, follow me @ThePhilFactor and I’ll follow you back. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

 

17 responses to “Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Funniest Tweets I Read Last Week

  1. Some good one’s in there. Thanks for the chuckle 😀

    Like

  2. You were my inspiration for joining Twitter 🙂
    I’m still feeling around in that odd parallel universe. I tip my head in there for a quick look and the next thing I know, an hour has disappeared. A strange world indeed!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I must follow the wrong twitterers Phil because I don’t see funnies like this! Of course its still Greek to me, but I’m plugging along. ~Elle

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m not a natural tweeter (maybe a woofer?) Thanks for the tutorial on being a Twit. I’ll try to be better!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Thanks for these odd bits of wits
    Frankly I thought they all were twits.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That last one was great!

    Like

  7. I don’t understand Twitter and that’s probably a good thing. I am already spending way too much time on social media. Twitter would surely push me over the edge.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I never used toget Twitter either but since I got a blog it just started to make sense.

    Liked by 1 person

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