I won’t. I won’t do it. No matter how much she begs or how many songs she writes, I won’t date Taylor Swift. Here’s why:
10. If Taylor Swift married me and took my name, her name would be Taylor Taylor and that’s just ridiculous. But, if she took my first name as her married surname, her name would be Taylor Phil. I might consider letting her do that. It would be great fun at party introductions. “Hi, I’m Phil Taylor and this is my wife Taylor Phil.”
9. If she and I broke up with each other she’d write songs about it and I’d write blogs about it. Does the world really need that?
8. The relationship would never work. She’d be jealous and insecure about my success. It would probably destroy her.
7. Mrs. Phil would probably kick both our asses , resulting in a lengthy and highly public trial, and I can’t go through that again.
6. Because of their well publicized feud over me, if I dated Taylor Swift I’d never get a shot with Katy Perry. (pause) Or would I?
5. She’s too tall. At 5’11’, she’s taller than me, and well… there’s all sorts of ways that would be awkward. Like at red carpet events for instance: “Hi Taylor. Melissa Rivers here from E! network. Oh wait, stop the camera. Why is your chauffeur still with you?”
4. I don’t want to get stuck supporting that one hit wonder in her old age when she’s lost her marginal good looks and blown all the money she made from that one song that did ok.
3. She’s attractive and all, but she’s no Kylie Minogue. (A little blatant pandering to my U.K. and Australian friends who’ve read this far. If you did, give me a quick shout out in the comments so I know that reference wasn’t in vain)
2. I’m a pretty forgiving guy, but not once has Taylor’s agent called me and asked if she could be interviewed on #ThePhilFactor. I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.
1. Taylor may be able to rhyme some catchy lyrics, but from what I’ve heard she’s a snooze when it comes to conversation. Apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.
As always, feel free to share with your favorite Taylor Swift fan by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday! And don’t forget, I’ll be Periscoping live from the Alt Press Music Awards tomorrow night. Get the Periscope app and follow me on Twitter and Periscope @ThePhilFactor.
Funny! If you promise to be nice to Taylor (this does not include marrying her) then I promise to be nice to Kate!
I promise I’ll let her down easy
I’d choose Taylor over Kyle and I’m an Aussie. Taylor looks and acts like she’d be fun, Kylie seems blah, too scripted. I love the idea that you and Taylor would have the same names backward and forward. So, I vote Taylor… 🙂 You crack me up either way. Thanks for the giggle
You mentioned that you think Taylor would be more fun. That got me to thinking about how we come up with our perceptions of the famous people despite never having met them.
The Kylie reference wasn’t in vain – I know so many people who would give anything to have a grope of that lovely bottom! Bloody hilarious post Phil. What about names though. Could you not adopt her last name and become Phil Swift, like some sort of Superhero alter-ego?
I suppose I could adopt her last name and might be willing to, but I think Kylie is more in my target demographic, if I was in the market for a superstar girlfriend.
And Kylie Taylor, wife of The Sexiest Man Alive has quite a ring to it!
Hmm…I wonder if I could get Kylie to interview for my blog!
So funny, I loved the part with the names!
These are funny… I particularly like Taylor Phil and Phil Taylor 🙂
I’m glad I started with that. The rest may not have been good enough to hold people’s interest, although if you read the other comments you’ll see that our friends from the other side of the pond do love their Kylie.
Kylie is pretty darn hot too. I like Taylor because she has the cohones to call out her douchy ex boyfriends in her songs, and she’s not afraid of her crazy, so it would seem.
But I also read somewhere she’s 140 lbs and she’s only an inch taller than me and I hate her a little bit for that. She reminds me what I looked like at 14.
I agree with A.PROMTreply, Phil: It was all good. “I can’t go through that AGAIN”, the “one-hit wonder”, the feud being over you (and, idiot that I am, I clicked, thinking you had invented your own link, darn you!), and the best one: “I don’t pursue. I’m the pursued.”
Good stuff, Phil!
You are too kind. This was a fun list to come up with though.
Hilarious post, Phil, you had me laughing with your Phil Taylor, Taylor Phil and I didn’t stop till the end….”apparently Taylor isn’t all that swift.” OMG. Great post!
Wow! What a great compliment! Thank you so much!
#10 for some reason had me thinking of Larry, his brother Daryl and his other brother Daryl, from “Newhart”.
That’s always a good thought. I love your taste in TV. You always seem to know all the same stuff that I do!
Part of why we get along. I also wouldn’t date Taylor Swift either! 😀
Kylie wins ever time! I’ve already interviewed Kylie Minogue on my blog, it was awesome!
Wow! Ill have to look up your interview
Also, one of my fave posts of mine is about “my journey” with Kylie.
I remember that one
And here’s another reason
You shouldn’t be her mister
Here around these parts
She’s known as Taydolf Swiftler.
If I were male, or I suppose of the other persuasion, I’d pick Kylie but I’m not so I won’t!
They’re both very cute. It’s hard to go wrong. Based on Taylor’s very public history I might be inclined to choose Kylie too!
hahaha very nice post Phil. I just wrote a post about everyone saying I look like her. The few post I’ve blogged about Taylor have gotten a weird amount of attention, so well played
I know, I read your post when you posted it. I agree. That must be fun.
You nut Phil Taylor! Good one!
I am a Taylor Swift fan and if she would let me adopt her, I would! She hangs with her girls which is good for her. Someday the right guy will come around. Maybe you will be like Warren Beatty or Michael Douglas and pluck up a young one up in the future. 🙂
LOL, you are too funny!
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Very witty. I quite like Taylor but not in that way. I’ve no idea if I like her as a person as I’ve not spent time in her company or routed through her sock drawer. Do you think she would mind if I had a little nosey?
Not at all. I think Taylor would be flattered if you broke into her house and looked around a bit.
So it’s ok then? Just a little point…where does she live?
I have no idea. Nashville maybe..
*Looks at map, ponders briefly, decides to clean the lavatories instead.*
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