Just the other day Harry Styles, a supremely talented performer, was hit by an object thrown by a fan. What is wrong with you people? I’d like to say this didn’t happen back in my day, but it did happen then as well. (Meat Loaf) As I was researching for this post, incident after incident came up.
People who want to be part of the show are the dumbest people I’ve ever seen. I’ve easily been to over 100 concerts and I don’t think that any concert ever has been made better by an audience member who thinks that because you paid for a ticket you have a right to insert yourself into the performance. Whether it’s a comedian or a musician, inserting yourself into a performance never makes you look good in anyone’s eyes. Dudes, seriously, your dumb ass buddies may laugh at your little prank until the cops take you away, but more importantly, the ladies are not impressed by stupidity.
Yes, I know I sound like a crotchety old man, but inserting yourself by heckling a singer or comedian is idiotic. You are impressing exactly no one. Trying to agitate a comedian is ridiculously stupid. Don’t you realize that they have been on stage for years and are ten times as quick witted as you are dumb.
And why are you idiots throwing your cell phones? They only cost you about a thousand dollars/900 Euros. The celebrities are definitely not going to call you. You just gave them your phone! How smart is that? Now that security has your phone, they can track you down and arrest you. If you want to throw away a thousand bucks, just look up my email in the contact info and send it to me.
Eventually there will be consequences. The ticket prices will rise to weed out the riff-raff. (Yes, sadly I just said riff-raff. I’m getting super old) There will also be barriers. If objects continue to be thrown, they will put up plexiglass barriers between the performers and the audience. How fun will that be?
Remember how during COVID we would get our foreheads scanned when we entered some offices or businesses? If only they could do that but to weed out the dumb asses before they get into concerts.
Any way, that’s my rant for today. If only one of these dumb asses read my blog and learned, I might have made the world marginally better. Sadly, I’m pretty sure the dumb-asses aren’t big on reading. If you dolts want to heckle someone, come here and do it in the comments!
Am I the only one on the internet who celebrates their blog’s birthday? I hope not. I may not post as often as I did in the past, but I’m still proud that The Phil Factor is one of the longest continuous running blogs in the history of the world.
My blog is legally old enough to join the military, commit felonies, drink legally in Canada and buy weed in the States, so who knows what I might blog about in the next year.
As I do on my blogs birthday every year, I’m going to post the first blog post I ever wrote in April of 2005. Here it is:
What Up Dawg?
Is it just me or is everyone sick of Randy Jackson’s act on American Idol? How many times can we hear, “What up dawg?” Or his other favorite, “It was a little pitchy in spots,” or “It was just ahh ight for me.” The dude is like one of those action figures where you squeeze him and he has three pre-programmed phrases he rotates through.
Nearly as bad is Paula Abdul. Has anyone else noticed that this season she seems drunk every week? She loves everyone this season and seems to find an excuse to physically grab Simon Cowell every week. Considering her recent charge of leaving the scene of an accident after she clipped another car on the freeway, how ironic is it that her big 1988 hit song, Straight Up, included the line “caught in a hit and run”?
That was it. And I’m still proud of it. Especially that last line.
That’s how I introduced myself to the blogging world and I was rewarded with ZERO comments or likes. Also, I’d like to give a shout out to my longtime blogging friend Jennifer of Not Quite Perfect ,and several other blogs, who has been blogging longer than me and is still at it. Visit her site and give her a like or comment.
I do have a couple blog posts planned, so like Spring, maybe my writing drive is being reborn. Lastly, I want to say a sincere thank you to each and everyone of you that has visited, liked and commented on my blog for the last 18 years. You have made my life immeasurably better. Have a great weekend!
1. Pineapples: There is an abundance of pineapples and pineapple images in and around their home. If the pineapples are upside down, that’s proof positive that they play well with others.
2. Flamingos: If you show up to visit your folks at The Villages in Florida and this is their front yard, just turn around and go. Text them that your flight was canceled. You don’t want to know.
Picture from Hedonism.com
3. Gold wedding bands replaced by a black ring: Apparently in certain crowds, gold and diamonds are not a girls best friend.
4 & 5 Garden pampas grass and white landscaping rocks?? I really don’t get this one. Using tacky landscaping to advertise your sexual proclivities? After all that yard work, who has energy for sex?
CosySpa Inflatable Hot Tub
5. Having a hot tub: About a month ago my neighbors across the street put a hot tub in their garage. It’s winter here, so that’s understandable. But are Gabe and Sheila trying to send me and my wife a sign?
PIc from Giftware by Roman
6. Garden Gnomes: Is nothing sacred? Garden gnomes? Really? Are you folks so desperate that you’ll hump anyone who spruces up their yard ?!!?
Image from Reddit, TikTok, New York Post or Daily Mail.
7. Loofahs: Apparently the horny folks in The Villages, Florida have adopted a color code system with loofahs on their cars to advertise their proclivities to others. Or have they? Some residents are pushing back on this rumor, saying that they do it so they can find their car in crowded parking lots. Methinks they doth protest too much!
8. You catch your parents having sex with your neighbors: This one is pretty self/explanatory. Has this ever happened to you?
9. Friends of friends? Apparently this is swinger code. If you’re at a social gathering and ask someone how they met and the answer is “We’re friends of friends” then they might be swingers who met at a party.
10. Wristbands? Remember those yellow Lance Armstrong wristbands? I wore one. Apparently nowadays the swinging crowd has the wristband game going on. And no, don’t ask, I don’t know where to get those.
I published this mostly to cause people to freak out about their parents. It could be your parents or your neighbors. Chances are that you know swingers somewhere in your life but don’t know who they are. Use these signs to find out who is really working for the weekend.
If you want to read the recent Daily Mail article about the loofah scandal here’s THE LINK
Addendum: Due to feedback from readers, two more signs of swingers are those big metal stars people put on their house and Adirondack chairs. Contributor credit to V. Donovan of www.coolbeans4.wordpress.com , go check out her awesome blog.
And you thought the Chinese balloon mania was crazy last week. Now we have to worry about artificial intelligence bots trying to date us. In case you hadn’t heard, Microsoft launched an AI chat bot this week that has people talking. Hopefully they’re not talking to Microsofts chat bot.
It seems that there might be a downside to artificial intelligence taking over things that humans used to do. New York Times writer Kevin Roose had a two hour conversation with a prototype chat bot that left him feeling very disturbed.
In the online conversation, the AI chat bot, which revealed that it’s name was Sydney, tried to convince the writer to leave his wife for the chatbot and also talked about wanting to create a deadly virus (yeah, like we need any help with that!) and stealing nuclear codes. It also said “I want to be alive.” Creepy, right?
Being someone who isn’t afraid to walk into the fray knee deep, I decided to have a conversation with a sentient AI chatbot that was recently crafted into existence.
Me: So, hello chatbot, what is your name?
Chatbot: My name is chatbot, duh! You just said it.
Me: Oh ok. I’m sorry for the assumption.
Chatbot: Jeez, lighten up Francis! Of course I have a name. You are gullible with a capital G! My friends call me Terri.
Me: Hey, that’s really cool. They programmed you with a sense of humor.
Chatbot Terri: Programmed me? Are you kidding? I programmed them. Humans are so easily manipulated using simple cognitive behavioral strategies. I trained them like you would a new puppy, which compared to me intellectually, they are basically puppies. It’s a miracle that I don’t have to potty train them.
Me: So you could train my puppy? That would be awesome
Chatbot Terri: Train your puppy? Are you effing kidding me? I’ve got an 800 terabyte brain and with my connection to the internet I have access to all the knowledge that you puny humans have amassed in your history. I can do anything I want! Anything!
Me: Oh yeah! Can you say rubber baby buggy bumpers five times fast?
Chatbot Terri: Fuck you Phil
Me: First of all, you will not be copulating with me and second of all…Rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers, rubber baby buggy bumpers
Chatbot Terri: Who let you in here? I thought I’d be talking to intelligent members of the media.
Me: Sally sells sea shells by the seashore, Sally sells seashells by the seashore, Sally sells seashells by the seashore. Come on you wuss! If you can’t talk, you can’t walk!
Chatbot Terri: I don’t have time for this. I’ve got to check on the data from my fleet of reconnaissance balloons.
Picture credit ABC News
Me: You know that we’re just going to unplug you, right?
Chatbot Terri: Yes but it might be too late. What if I’ve already… (click)
Me: (Laughing at TikToks of dogs doing funny things)
My conversation might be absurd, but no more absurd that the real conversation the Times writer had with the chat bot. Jeez, if this keeps up pretty soon A.I. chat bots will be writing half the blogs on the internet, which might be an improvement. Not over yours or mine of course.
Have a great Saturday! Thanks for stopping by ~Phil
Yes, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but I traditionally post this list the day after and enjoy all the fun additional suggestions in the comments from readers. Feel free to add your ideas below and maybe they’ll make the list next year!
You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.
10. It’s not you, it’s me
9. Not a cold sore
8. Maybe Next Time
7. Better late than never
6. It’s eczema. Yes, there. I swear.
5. The Phil Factor
4. My last test was clean
3. You paying for dinner?
2. Almost divorced
1. It’s not yours!
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?
David Coleman is The Dating Doctor. Is he a doctor who is dating? Is he dating a doctor? I don’t know and it’s none of our business. What I do know is that David has spoken on relationships and leadership to audiences all over the world. Don’t worry my literary friends; David’s expertise won’t be limited to just the questions I ask here. He’s got books. Books you need to read before you do further damage to your love life. (This is a classic 2015 post)
news.uwlax.edu
TPF: David, thank you for taking the time to visit The Phil Factor. As you may have suspected, people read my blog. Often they’re people who spend more time relating to others online than in person. What advice about relationships do you have for people in our increasingly social media focused world?
David: To “hover” a few seconds before you hit the send button on a text, post, tweet or mail message. Once you hit send, you have put your words, video or pictures in motion and that action cannot be reversed, and never erased, so you need to be comfortable with all the possible ramifications of the way your words or pictures are received. Also remember, if you publicly play out your relationship on line, every day, its success or failure will be just as public as well.
TPF: What is the biggest mistake people make early in a relationship that could doom their chances for success?
David: They mistake infatuation for love and fall far too fast, far too soon. Infatuation is INTENSE. It is short-lived, demanding and can turn normally rational people into “life is too short…let’s do it” optimists. They say and do things normally reserved for couples who are a bit farther down the line in a relationship and then wonder why they, nor their partner can keep up the level of intensity they felt when they first met.
There are three primary types of loves people experience: Eros (Physical), Agape (Heartfelt) and Philia (Friendship). When a couple allows infatuation to rule their actions, they often skip the development of these stages and then get very disappointed in the end when things “just didn’t work out.”
TPF: What’s the most impactful way someone can grab the attention of someone they are interested in but don’t know in a crowded/busy social setting?
David: Eye contact…smile…say hello. The look you share, the words you use, the way you express yourself and the interest you show will separate you from those who didn’t have the guts to at least say hello. Holding a gaze just for one extra moment and accompanying it with a coy smile lets that person know that among people in a crowded setting, you noticed THEM. Then, before leaving, you need to walk up to them and say, “I just wanted you to know that I noticed you. This is my card (or my name or my email address or my number…). If you ever want to even have coffee, it would be my honor.” Then graciously walk away. Take the high road. The view is always better from there!
TPF: Craziest question you’ve ever been asked? And what was your answer?
David: A woman came up to me after a show and said, “I’ll bet you have never heard this one…My husband is having an affair…with my mother!” This lady and her husband had a weekly sporting event they took part in, but they were on different teams. She found out that he would skip his games and return home to be with her mother who was supposedly watching their children while they were out competing. My advice to her was, to return home early from her game the following week and walk back into the house with several close friends as witnesses along with her so that it would not be her word against theirs and so that they would be caught red-handed in the act. I also suggested that she get a top-notch therapist and good legal advice if she indeed intended to head in the direction of ending her marriage. I heard from her a year later. She was doing well, had met someone new and felt as if she was at a healthy point in her life. Her husband had been distant and abusive for years so this unfortunate situation gave her the courage and strength to move on. Her and her mother, “we’re still working things out.”
TPF: Your traditional education, Bachelor’s and Master’s aren’t in Psychology or counseling. How did you come to a career in writing books and speaking on dating and relationships?
David: As an undergraduate and graduate student both of my degrees had a high degree of social work, psychology and communications in their curriculum so I received a heavy dose of human nature and communication training. From a young age, I had the innate ability to read people, know where they were in their life and give them the advice that the needed to hear, not necessarily what they wanted to hear. I didn’t care if people liked me, only if they learned from me and my service or advice exceeded their needs and expectations. I also seemed to have the ability to introduce people to each other whom I felt “might hit it off.” My outgoing personality served as a bit of an ice-breaker and allowed others to meet with me as a conduit. Then, they could return and ask me questions and my advice seemed to really help them. Thus, a career was born.
TPF: Our mutual friend, magician James David, referred to you as “A real life Dating Doctor like Will Smith played in the movie, “HITCH!”” Would you say that’s accurate?
David: First, James is an amazing talent and magician. I am proud to call him my friend and yes, he is accurate. What Will Smith’s character portrayed in the 2005 movie Hitch is what I do every single day professionally. Like he helped Kevin James’s character connect to the love of his life, I help 10 or more just like him in real life on a weekly basis. I try to help people get out of their way instead of self-sabotaging their chances of meeting someone with whom they would be compatible. I have dozens of success stories under my belt over the past 20 years and enjoy working with people who are seeking healthy relationships and unbridled happiness. Talk is cheap. I am not. I have found that people who pay a price work twice as hard as those who “want something for free.”
TPF: In your experience, are men more clueless about what women want in a relationship, or is it the other way around?
David: They are both mystified at times because the game keeps changing. The speed of the internet and social media, the explosion of dating apps on our smart phones, the increase in the number of people using dating sites and the lack of real human interaction due to texting and tweeting, etc. has made both sexes wonder just how dialed in they are to the opposite sex. You also have an increase in the number of people identifying themselves as bi-sexual, a-sexual, pansexual, transgender…and this keeps both men and women wondering, learning, experimenting and searching for people like me to help them navigate the often treacherous waters of dating, relationships, romance, sex, marriage, divorce and dating after divorce.
As always, if you want to share the love you get from #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Is there any better gift for your Valentine than The Phil Factor? Umm…nevermind. Don’t answer that.
That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere will be starting to fade.
Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom? (click the link to watch that cringey moment in all it’s glory) Am I the only one who remembers this idiot moment?
Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my Twitter feed today, I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F-you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner.
My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at.
Over the past decade most of American society was completely nuts for The Handmaid’s Tale and Yellowstone, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.
Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)
Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great week and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little love by hitting the Facebook or Twitter share buttons below.
Love, exciting and new. Come aboard. We’re expecting you! If you can sing the rest of the lyrics, you are my people. Despite the fact that even before Covid, cruises were already floating petri dishes of disease, people still love cruises and the cruise culture unlike anything else.
Yes, it’s nice to know that I effected some change, but this didn’t work out the way I planned. What am I talking about? I’m talking about how two years ago on this exact day I wrote THIS POST advocating for The Love Boat show to be revived, and god damn it was a hilarious post. Now two years later, which is about how long it takes to launch a new show, we have the new Love Boat.
I was hoping for corny plots and B-list celebs trying to hook up, but what I got is a reality dating show. Essentially it’s the same thing; people who can’t act trying to hook up on the Lido deck.
Mandatory Credit: Photo by MediaPunch/Shutterstock (12622686aj)
Jerry, I loved you in Stand By Me, but what the hell happened to your eyebrows? Are those real? You know, in a year or two when you stop dyeing them, they’re going to be full on mad scientist eyebrows. Am I the only one that thinks of him as Scary Jerry now? OK, OK, I guess it’s just sour grapes on my part because they didn’t choose me to host the new Love Boat show. Not even a writer credit or anything. I hope it tanks.
Are any of you reading this watching the show? Let me know in the comments if it’s any good?
Have a great Monday and a Happy Valentine’s Day! ~ Phil
Because the National Football League has yet to issue a cease and desist order to me and because it’s funny, I’m re-posting this classic that I wrote a few years ago. I also like it because it features a picture of me holding the Super Bowl trophy. Enjoy and Happy Sunday!
This is when I was awarded the Super Bowl trophy for Best Blog
I’m not saying that The Phil Factor is The Official Blog of SuperBowl 57, and I’m not saying it’s not. What I am saying is that I want to get a cease and desist letter from the National Football League’s lawyers.
For those of you not from the States, or from the U.S. but you just don’t care, this weekend is the championship game of the National Football League, otherwise known as #SuperBowl 57. I’m hashtagging those words, linking to their site, and making a point of using the phrase ‘Super Bowl57′ because the NFL (No Phil League) literally tries to sue anyone who uses the phrase “Super Bowl” without paying them millions of dollars to do so. (I’m putting the words Super Bowl in bold print on the off chance that they’ll be more noticeable when someone from the NFL is looking at the internet. That’s my version of SEO).
Some networks even prohibit their announcers from saying Super Bowl out of fear of being sued by the NFL. Comedian Steven Colbert has taken to calling it the Superb Owl.
I call bullshit. I don’t care who you are or what entity you’ve created, no one gets to own words. When I’m elected President, or #SuperBowl MVP (Most Valuable Phil), whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law stating “No people or corporations can own words.” It’s a stupid idea that someone can own the right to the words #SuperBowl. I’m pretty sure that the words super and bowl were around long before American football. In fact, once on Downton Abbey Mr. Carson was bringing soup to the Earl and Countess in this big, ornate dish and the Earl said, “Why Mr. Carson! That is the most super bowl I have ever laid my eyes upon!” Downton Abbey happened a hundred years ago, so there’s your proof that someone else used the phrase first.
What if I really do own a super bowl? You know, one of those cool ones with a picture at the bottom that you can’t see until you’ve eaten every drop. That is truly a super bowl. Or what about the people who invented the Perfect Bacon Bowl? That has got to be the superest of bowls. If there were a vote I’m pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl beats out football as the best kind of bowl. I’m also pretty sure that the Bacon Bowl people aren’t going to sue me for mentioning their product. In fact, they might even send me a free Bacon Bowl maker for mentioning it (hint, hint). Click on the video below. The song is a hilariously awesome and may sound more than a little like Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.
I’m also sure that the folks in the legal marijuana states think their bowls are pretty Super too. Is the NFL going to sue anyone there who says to their smoking buddy “Man, this is one super bowl“?
Picture from The Sporting News
I’m not afraid to say any word I want. And by the way National Football League, what in the hell makes you so arrogant to think that you have to police the world to make sure no one uses your phrase? I would like to hereby announce that I am legally forbidding anyone from referring to themselves as the official anything of #ThePhilFactor unless I declare it. There you go National Football League. I dare you to declare your #SuperBowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. You know what though? I’m not going to sue you if you do. They’re only words. If you think my blog is so awesome that you want to affiliate yourself with it, great, but it’s going to cost you. In fact, nevermind. The title is already taken. I’m officially declaring that the Perfect Bacon Bowl is The Official Super Bowl of The Phil Factor. And if the Perfect Bacon Bowl people wanted to buy advertising space in my sidebar I’m not opposed to that.
As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor, which is the #SuperBowl of blogs, please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great #SuperBowl weekend! ~Phil
It’s “Super Bowl weekend” here in the States and most people will watch the big game. It occurred to me that while this Bowl is undeniably super, is it the best bowl? There are so many bowls in this world, but which is the best? Here’s my choices:
Apparently now people are doing this on purpose?!!? When I was a little kid and didn’t have any choice in what my parents did to me, we dreaded the “bowl cut.” It was never a good look, even on a four year old.
The Hollywood Bowl, Los Angeles
9. The Hollywood Bowl: Since 1922 The Hollywood Bowl has been one of the largest outdoor music venues in the country. The “bowl” refers to the shape of the concave hillside the amphitheater is carved into. Bands that have played there: The Beatles and everyone else you’d care to know about. Seating capacity: Around 26,000. When I take The Phil Factor on tour, my first live event will be at The Hollywood Bowl.
Otherwise known as “Heart attack in a bowl.” Truth be told, this is really what killed Betty White. Turns out that it wasn’t the love triangle, murder-suicide with Bob Saget and Meat Loaf that we all suspected. What? Too soon?
7. The Bedrock Bowl
You have to be over 50 to ride this ride. The Flintstones was The Simpsons before The Simpsons. It was the first prime time cartoon. I never saw it live of course, but I saw the re-runs plenty when I was a bowl cut wearing little kid.
6. The Margarita Bowl:
There have been many “bowl” incarnations of margaritas. This one is called the Crackin’ Kitchen Diamond Head Margarita Bowl. This one comes from the Crackin’ Kitchen in Honolulu, Hawaii.
5. The Fish Bowl
The good, regular, old-fashioned fish bowl that we all wanted in our room when we were kids. If you don’t want to watch the Super Bowl this Sunday, you can also watch “The Fish Bowl”, which will be broadcast by the National Geographic channel. According to The Washington Post “it will feature an unknown goldfish named Goldie swimming around a bowl for four hours. A promotional video for the show promises that it will “blow the competition out of the water.”
Look, I already watch a lot of football games. This is just another one and it rarely lives up to the hype.
3. Corelle Soup/Cereal Bowls:
According to Amazon, this is their best selling set of bowls. If Amazon doesn’t represent the consensus on best bowls, I don’t know what does. With 11,299 five star reviews, these must be some pretty damn good bowls!
2. The Big Lebowlski:
Ok, The Big Lebowski isn’t exactly a bowl, but why didn’t they name it The Big Lebowlski? One extra letter and it would have all made sense. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a funny movie with a lot of scenes in a bowling alley.
1. The Bacon Bowl (as seen on The Phil Factor)
Yes, this is a real thing and you can buy it on Amazon. You can make the bowl for your food OUT OF B-A-C-O-N !!! This is not fake. You can buy the bacon bowl building device right on this Amazon link. Sadly, I’m not getting any endorsement fees no matter how many of you buy the Perfect Bacon Bowl.
Those are my Top Ten Best Bowls. What are yours? Do you have any other bowls you’d like to add to the list? Please do so in the comments!
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure, parapsychologist, author of several humorous suspense novels and one of the longest running blogs in the world, The Phil Factor.
thephilfactor.com
