Tag Archives: end of the world

It’s The End of The World As We Know It…

Posted on February 16, 2022 | 2 comments

Picture credit: AGU Blogosphere

In the immortal words of R.E.M. “It’s the end of the world as we know it…” but I don’t feel fine. While that is one of the all-time great songs, mostly because I used to accompany Bob’s band at his epic annual party (Bobfest) by playing the tambourine and singing the chorus, the end of the world is nothing to be trifled with.

I’m a big ‘wanna live forever’ kind of guy, so the possibility that Earth may soon be uninhabitable kind of puts a big crimp in my future plans. If you’re an anxious person, you may not want to keep reading.

Normally I would wait until Saturday to post something this epically prophetic, but if we only have so much time left, I wanted to get this news to you ASAP. I don’t mean to bring you down, but there has been some downright disturbing shit going on lately. I’m a puzzle guy. I like to put the little pieces together to form the big picture. I don’t like the picture that has fallen into place lately.

1. The Covid crisis. An illness sweeps the world and wipes out a quarter of the population? That seems like a bad omen to me.

2. Aliens reaching out to Earth: Just three weeks ago scientists discover an unknown object four million light years away sending electric signals at us. I wrote about it HERE. If aliens are on their way here, what if they’re not very nice?

Picture credit: Schitt’s Creek

3. The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening: According to the Mirror four days ago in England “Hundreds of birds plummeted from the sky and rained on traffic …” Then, according to CNN, yesterday in Mexico “Nearly 100 migratory birds were found after dropping mid-flight in Chihuahua, Mexico.” Click the CNN link if you want to see the disturbing video. Click HERE to watch the trailer for the Schitt’s Creek/ The Crows Have Eyes trailer. That is definitely much funnier.

4. The Russian situation: That’s not good. Come on Ruskies! First your ice skater is getting hepped up for competition on her grandpa’s heart meds and now you want to invade Ukraine? The world is already on edge about so many other things. How about you guys cool your jets for a year or two?

5. The Doomsday Clock: In case you didn’t know, there are some really depressing scientists who keep a “Doomsday clock” which sort of gauges the human races chance of exterminating ourselves.  If the clock strikes midnight, that means our last days are nigh. Three weeks ago they declared that the Doomsday clock was at 100 seconds until midnight. And they didn’t even know about the aliens and the birds!

OK Phil Factor folks, what are we going to do about this? I’d like to suggest that everyone try being nicer and more understanding to each other so we can get  through our days with our sanity intact. Unfortunately the 100 reads a day that my blog gets probably won’t save the world, so what do you think the human race should do to turn back that Doomsday Clock? How can we as writers turn the tide?

Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, Uncategorized

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TBT! It’s The End of The World As we Know It…

Posted on August 24, 2017 | 2 comments

Because the solar eclipse earlier this week brought out a few “end of the world” zealots, I thought I’d repost this classic Phil Factor from 2009 just to remind everyone that we have nothing to worry about. The world’s not going to end until 4077.

(Oct. 13, 2009) “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”–R.E.M.

The Mayan calendar ends on December 21, 2012. Many people believe this is a prophecy of the end of the world. First of all if the world ends on December 21st that will seriously put a crimp in my birthday party plans for two days later. The new movie, 2012 coming to a theater near you in November, has whipped the apocalypse zealots into a frenzy and scared school children everywhere.

In the news yesterday a current day Mayan leader said, “Dude, seriously, I am so sick of hearing about this. If the world does end, don’t try and pin it on us. Damn, did you ever think that maybe the guy making the caledar just died, got laid off, or was fired for stealing office supplies?” I may be paraphrasing a bit, but that was generally the gist of what he said. He also pointed out that in some other carved-in-stone tablets another Mayan referenced the year 4077. He didn’t reference a specific day, but I’ll be pretty damn mad if the world ends right before my birthday again.

My cell phone, pda, and computer all have calendar functions and all of their calendars go past Dec. 21, 2012 so there’s all the proof you need that the world is not going to end in 3 years. In fact, I have written a post and dated it to be released to my blog for Dec. 22, 2012. Suck on that you Mayan calendar nutjobs.

Ok, back to the present. See? Someone always believes the Earth is going to end and it never does. How funny is it that I mentioned a PDA in that 8 year old blog post? Who remembers PDA’s? Just remember, as long as Bruce Willis and #ThePhilFactor are around, the world is safe. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Posted in Humor

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Throwback Thursday! It’s the End of The World…again

Posted on August 10, 2017 | 16 comments

In honor of the giant Perseid Meteor Shower that’s happening Saturday night, I thought it might be helpful if I reminded people that if those meteors hit the planet, it could be lights out for the human race. Enjoy this classic Phil Factor from last year that addresses this very issue.

Don’t worry. I’ll save us all. According to some crazy ‘scientists’ and conspiracy theorists the world is going to end in about two to six weeks. It’s nice that they gave us a window isn’t it? Usually when crackpots are predicting our demise there’s a specific hard stop date. Now, because of the six week window we can procrastinate.  For instance, right now I don’t own a single device with a working keyboard, so here I sit holding a tablet with one hand and typing away with on the virtual keyboard on the screen with one finger from the other hand. It’s super annoying. If I thought for a second that I’d have to do this for the next year or two, I would go right out and buy a new laptop. Since the world is going to end, why bother, right? If in six or seven weeks we find out that the doomsayers were wrong, then I’ll deal with the situation.

end

Here’s how they say that the world is going to end this time: Apparently every twenty-six to twenty-seven million years the Earth has had an “extinction event”. Apparently we’re due for one in the next 2-6 weeks. An extinction “event”? That sounds like something that would be on pay per view doesn’t it? Some half-assed scientist from somewhere kind of implied that there’s another planet, Planet X or Planet 9 it’s being called,  in our solar system whose orbit around the sun is so huge that it only comes close to Earth once every 26 or 27 million years. Don’t worry though, it’s not going to hit us. The problem is that Planet X, in it’s extended orbit, passes through a meteor field and in doing so, it’s gravity pulls many of the meteors with it as it continues in it’s orbit. When Planet X is closest to Earth, we will get completely shelled into oblivion by the meteors.

Apocalypse-Public-Domain-300x300

So, the question is, if there is only 2-6 weeks left, what would you do? I don’t want to hear anyone say they wouldn’t pay bills or clean their house. And yes, of course you’d see family and friends. Get creative! This is the ultimate time to pull out that bucket list and get to work.

Me? What would I do? First I would attend a Donald Trump rally, walk up to him on the podium, and punch him in the nose. He’d appreciate that. He loves inciting violence. Then I want to travel to see the 7 wonders of the world, or at least the ones I haven’t seen yet. I’d skydive. Then, if we are going to be pummeled by meteors, I want to be sitting in a hot tub with a glass of wine when it happens.

rickspringfield_songsforendofworld

I think the fact that I just put that Rick Springfield picture on my blog should be seen as a sign of the apocalypse. I know contemplating the end of the world is kind of a bummer, so I’ll give you your happy ending right now. It’s not going to happen. I guarantee it. In fact, I will take credit for it not happening. As a candidate for President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I vow to you, Phil Factor readers and denizens of planet Earth, that I will make sure the planet doesn’t end in 6 weeks. Will you get that guarantee from Donald, Hillary, or Matthew McConaughey? I doubt it.

So in the comments, what are you going to do in the next six weeks just in case I’m wrong? Have a great Thursday! (there might not be many more!) Phil

16 Comments

Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays

Tagged , , , , ,

It’s the End of the World…again

Posted on April 9, 2016 | 29 comments

Don’t worry. I’ll save us all. According to some crazy ‘scientists’ and conspiracy theorists the world is going to end in about two to six weeks. It’s nice that they gave us a window isn’t it? Usually when crackpots are predicting our demise there’s a specific hard stop date. Now, because of the six week window we can procrastinate.  For instance, right now I don’t own a single device with a working keyboard, so here I sit holding a tablet with one hand and typing away with on the virtual keyboard on the screen with one finger from the other hand. It’s super annoying. If I thought for a second that I’d have to do this for the next year or two, I would go right out and buy a new laptop. Since the world is going to end, why bother right? If in six or seven weeks we find out that the doomsayers were wrong, then I’ll deal with the situation.

end

Here’s how they say that the world is going to end this time: Apparently every twenty-six to twenty-seven million years the Earth has had an “extinction event”. Apparently we’re due for one in the next 2-6 weeks. An extinction “event”? That sounds like something that would be on pay per view doesn’t it? Some half-assed scientist from somewhere kind of implied that there’s another planet, Planet X or Planet 9 it’s being called,  in our solar system whose orbit around the sun is so huge that it only comes close to Earth once every 26 or 27 million years. Don’t worry though, it’s not going to hit us though. The problem is that Planet X, in it’s extended orbit, passes through a meteor field and in doing so, it’s gravity pulls many of the meteors with it as it continues in it’s orbit. When Planet X is closest to Earth, we will get completely shelled into oblivion by the meteors.

Apocalypse-Public-Domain-300x300

So, the question is, if there is only 2-6 weeks left, what would you do? I don’t want to hear anyone say they wouldn’t pay bills or clean their house. And yes, of course you’d see family and friends. Get creative! This is the ultimate time to pull out that bucket list and get to work.

Me? What would I do? First I would attend a Donald Trump rally, walk up to him on the podium, and punch him in the nose. He’d appreciate that. He loves inciting violence. Then I want to travel to see the 7 wonders of the world, or at least the ones I haven’t seen yet. I’d skydive. Then, if we are going to be pummeled by meteors, I want to be sitting in a hot tub with a glass of wine when it happens.

rickspringfield_songsforendofworld

I think the fact that I just put that Rick Springfield picture on my blog should be seen as a sign of the apocalypse. I know contemplating the end of the world is kind of a bummer, so I’ll give you your happy ending right now. It’s not going to happen. I guarantee it. In fact, I will take credit for it not happening. As a candidate for President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I vow to you, Phil Factor readers and denizens of planet Earth, that I will make sure the planet doesn’t end in 6 weeks. Will you get that guarantee from Donald, Hillary, or Matthew McConaughey? I doubt it.

So in the comments, what are you going to do in the nextbsix weeks just in case I’m wrong? Have a great Saturday (there might not be many more!) Phil

29 Comments

Posted in Current Events, Humor, Uncategorized

Tagged , ,