Tag Archives: Lying

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Dumbest Lies Ever


10. Sure you can pet him. He’s friendly. He’s never bitten anyone in his life! ~every dog owner ever, right before their dog bites you.

9. Hold still. This will only hurt a little bit. ~doctors, dentists, and…

8. I don’t need a list. I’ll remember! ~husbands, right before they forget everything on your list.


7. No. I’m not mad. ~women who are obviously mad.

6. It’s OK. I have plenty of time! ~all of us, when we definitely don’t have enough time.

5. I’ll write a blog and become famous! ~me, lying to myself every damn day


4. Does that dress make you look fat? No, it’s your hips that make you look fat! ~very stupid men.

3. LOL! ~all of us using the internet to lie to our friends because they can’t actually see that we’re not LOL’ing.

2. Gray hair makes you look distinguished. ~all women lying to all men. (If that were true, why don’t women ever want to look distinguished?)

1. I think your “love handles” are cute. ~couples who have both given up and are sitting on the couch in their elastic-waisted sweat pants watching Netflix and eating Cheetos. 

So what other lies do you tell on a regular basis? Or which ones do you hear most often? Feel free add yours in the comments. Or if you don’t want to just click like without reading at all. I love that. (me lying to you.) Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil


Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Lies I Tell Myself


We all lie to ourselves. Most of the lies we tell ourselves are pretty harmless. To be perfectly honest, I kind of like fooling myself. The truth is just the lie we’ve chosen to believe. Here are the top ten lies I tell myself:

10.  I’ll never get old like my parents! Those aren’t gray hairs, I’m just having my tips frosted silver.

9. That extra 5 pounds will be easy to lose! Yeah, if I cut off half an arm and donate a couple organs.

8. I could have been a professional athlete if I wanted to: I’m still angry that my high school guidance counselor didn’t mention that as a possible career track. Jerk.


7. Facebook isn’t a clever ploy by the government to monitor us and collect personal information: Did Facebook exist before 9/11? Nope, but it did afterwards.

6. I can still look cool when I dress up to go out: I think there’s a certain expiration date on looking good when you go out. You know you’ve passed it when people greet you with “Oh hey, you’re out late!” I don’t think I’m there yet, but I may have to stop writing this to go watch Murder She Wrote.

5. I’m a better parent than my parents were: We all tell ourselves this, but honestly, who the hell knows?  If your kids don’t end up on the Maury Povich show then you’ve done an adequate job. Of course if they do end up on Maury Povich you might find out they’re not your kids anyway. Sounds like a win-win to me!


4. It actually means something when someone clicks “Like” on a blog post: Yeah, it means you didn’t read my post but you want me to think you did so I’ll go read your blog. Sometimes I do, if I like you.

3. I’m not going to die: I keep telling myself this and so far I’ve been right about this every day of my life.


2. If I dress for the weather I want, it will happen: Yup, about  6 weeks ago I put shorts on and it hasn’t snowed since. Apparently even weather patterns don’t want anything to do with my naked legs.

1. Blogging is a way to get famous: I’ve been writing this blog for ten years and still no syndicated column or book deal. I’m starting to think this may not be true.

How about in the comment you fess up to what the lies are that you tell yourself? Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil