Tag Archives: Sexiest Man Alive funny

TBT! The Phil Factor: Sexiest Man Alive? Maybe.

This is my Throwback Thursday post and also kicks off my annual campaign to be named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine.

Sexiest

It’s time.  If you’ve been following The Phil Factor for a while you’re well aware of my past campaigns to be elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first. When I say “my past campaigns” what I mean is my annual post expressing surprise that I wasn’t selected as Sexiest Man Alive by People Magazine. Click HERE to see last years.

I’ve decided that it’s time to be proactive rather than reactive. This year instead of just sitting back and hoping that I’ll be noticed, I’ve decided to actively campaign for Sexiest Man Alive.  I’m serious and I’m going to need your help. Here is my platform:

1. I’m a normal guy. Aren’t we all tired of magazines pushing these unrealistic expectations of what is sexy on us? It’s always rail thin models with implants and “hunky” guys (also maybe with implants) who have no real jobs so they work out all day with a personal trainer. How about if People chose a “real” man for Sexiest Man Alive? A normal guy who is sexy because he’s smart, funny, works hard, and provides for his family? Isn’t that what most women really want at the end of the day instead of an unattainable playa’? As you can see from the picture below, I don’t have a single implant, hair or otherwise!

Arnold

2. No nightlife? No problem. It’s hard for your man to be sexy for you if he’s out at the clubs or allegedly “on location” shooting his next project. You know what I think women find sexy? A man who comes home at night with flowers, helps clean up from dinner, takes the kids to the park and then sits down with a glass of wine next to you on the couch while you watch those ridiculous cooking and home improvement shows. Of course if I had a nightlife, or friends in real life who invited me out that would be different, but I don’t, so consequently, I’m sexy as hell to real women who want a real man. I’m not even sure I can find my Hammer pants anymore. Is that still a thing?

3. Intelligence. Now I know nobody is going to mistake me for Leonardo DaVinci, but I’m pretty sure I could crush Leonardo DiCaprio at Jeopardy! Most people think intelligence is sexy. Marilyn Monroe once said that the sexiest man alive was Albert Einstein. I’m not going to give you a lecture on physics, but I can hold up my end of a conversation.  Just like Spike TV has that Pros Vs. Joes show where former pro athletes take on “ordinary guys” at a variety of sports challenges, I’m willing to pit myself against any show biz pretty boy in a Jeopardy! challenge. C’mon People magazine! Set it up! Let’s make this years Sexiest Man Alive earn it by being sexy inside and out. How about me, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet vs. Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Reynolds in a game of Trivial Pursuit? That would be riveting television!

BigBang

So I’ve made my case as to why I should be named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive this year, but how can I get People Magazine to find out about me? That’s where you come in. If everyone reading this does two small things I think we can change the world, or at least a magazine cover. As I’ve already done, just e-mail the link to this post to:  editor@people.com and make sure you hit the re-blog or Facebook share button below so this goes viral.

Top Ten Reasons I Should Be People’s Sexiest Man Alive

Tomorrow People Magazine will name their Sexiest Man Alive for 2017. I have high hopes, but as usual I assume that People Magazine will pander to the lowest common denominator and choose some allegedly good looking, hunky but mindless actor or musician. Here are my ten reason’s why they should choose me:

10. Because Google Says So: Go to Google Images and Google  “Phil Sexiest Man Alive”. That picture above comes up first. If Google thinks it’s true, it must be.

9. Because I Have A Blog: I have a blog and I published a book. We’re not even sure if most of these pretty boys they choose can read much less write.

8. You Stare At My Picture More Than Theirs: Let’s face it, you’ve been to my blog several times a week over the past year, meaning that you’ve probably seen my little profile pic countless times. Over the past year you’ve looked at my picture far more than whoever People will choose, ergo, I am sexier.

7. I’m all natural: Unlike many previous Sexiest Man Alive winners, I’m all natural. No steroids, hair implants or hair dye. I’m 100% all-American male.

6. I’m Employed: Have you ever noticed that they always choose actors? That’s a fly by night bunch if I ever saw one. Flitting from one job to the next. I’m employed full-time every day and I have health insurance. That’s the American dream right?

5. I’m a Normal Guy: Aren’t we all tired of magazines pushing these unrealistic expectations of what is sexy on us? It’s always rail thin models with implants and “hunky” guys who have no real jobs so they work out all day with a personal trainer. How about if People chose a “real” man for Sexiest Man Alive? A normal guy who is sexy because he’s smart, funny, works hard, and provides for his family? Isn’t that what most women really want at the end of the day instead of an unattainable player?

4. I’m Smart: Now I know nobody is going to mistake me for Leonardo DaVinci, but I’m pretty sure I could crush Leonardo DiCaprio at Jeopardy! Most people think intelligence is sexy. Marilyn Monroe once said that the sexiest man alive was Albert Einstein. I’m not going to give you a lecture on physics, but I can hold up my end of a conversation.  I’m willing to pit myself against any show biz pretty boy in a Jeopardy! challenge. C’mon People magazine! Set it up! Let’s make this years Sexiest Man Alive earn it by being sexy inside and out. How about me, Bill Gates, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson vs. Channing Tatum, Bradley Cooper & Ryan Reynolds in a game of Trivial Pursuit? That would be riveting television!

3. I Would Look Great On Money: Why not? Why does money have to feature old,  dead Presidents? Most of them are pretty ugly any way. I propose that each Sexiest Man Alive gets to spend the following year as the face on the American one dollar bill.

2. Gray Hair is Distinguished: All you ladies always say that gray hair makes a man look “handsome” or “distinguished.” Over the past year my hair has been getting gray A.F. as the kids say. If chicks dig a guy with a little salt and pepper action going on, then I’m your man.

1. I’m Already Sexiest Blogger Alive: I was once named Sexiest Blogger Alive  so doesn’t it make sense that I should take the next step and ascend to the real throne? Go ahead, click that link. I dare you.

There you have it, my annual argument why I should be named Sexiest Man Alive. If I don’t win it this year, as a consolation there is one other thing I’d like to win: The AllAuthor.com Cover of The Month Contest. Please click THIS LINK and vote for my book cover. Thank you and have a great Tuesday! ~Phil