Tag Archives: Science

Scientists Making The World Worse, Again…

Posted on February 24, 2024 | 8 comments

Will dinosaurs roam the Earth again? Yes! And maybe by 2027. Apparently scientists, who have never seen the ending of a Jurassic Park movie, are hell bent on making new dinosaurs.

A company, named appropriately as Colossal (as in colossal mistake), is going to use some old woolly mammoth DNA they found lying around and they’re going to mix it with some DNA from an Asian elephant, because their DNA is a 99.6% match. Damn, you never see a score that good on Tinder, right?

The funny part of the whole thing is that the scientists are going to introduce the new woolly mammoths in arctic areas, including northern Russia, because the Siberian area was part of the woolly mammoths natural habitat when they were alive. I’m thinking that this is actually a secret C.I.A. plot to take down Russia and end the Ukraine war. Russia will have to decide if they want to fight the woolly mammoths or the Ukrainians. Take that Putin! 

The stated intent of Colossal for recreating woolly mammoths is to help the environment. Watch the video below. It’s only 1:16. It doesn’t sound real. It sounds as if it’s the beginning of another Jurassic Park movie. After the video ends you can picture a boardroom with a bunch of guys in suits shaking hands with scientists in lab coats. Then someone loudly says, “I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong!”

My question for Colossal is how in the world is adding woolly mammoths going to help the environment? They are basically elephants the size of a house. Can you imagine how much methane gas those things are going to give off when they walk around farting? And their poops are going to be as big as an eight year old child. Who’s going to be picking those up? Is there a doggy bag big enough for that? Yes, I turned a genetics discussion into a fart joke.

I’m really hoping that my theory about the C.I.A. is right. Between dinosaurs and evil A.I., I’m kind of worried about the future of mankind.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! ~Phil

8 Comments

Posted in Humor, Science

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Did Elon Musk Do Something Good…or Terrifying?

Posted on February 3, 2024 | 4 comments

Pic from Kotelink

First Elon ruined Twitter for us and now he’s mucking about in peoples brains? He’s also effing up my blog post schedule. I was going to start making fun of the Super Bowl today and he had to go start making cyborgs. And guess what? You and I might be able to become cyborgs pretty soon! How great is that?

Pic from musingsofamiddleagedgeek.blog

In 1973 astronaut Steve Austin (the original ass kicking Steve Austin before the wrestler) woke from surgery to realize that he had been made into the world’s first cyborg. He was The Six Million Dollar Man. Hell, six million dollars is just a night out for Elon Musk. I wonder if Elon got his latest touted idea from that TV series. Or did Elon get pissed because he’s now only the second richest man on Earth and said to himself, “If I make an army of cyborgs I can rule the world!”  To be fair, who hasn’t had that thought now and then, right?

Pic from IMDB

This past week Elon’s company, Nueralink, reported that they have implanted a device into a human brain that “is designed to interpret a person’s neural activity, so they can operate a computer or smartphone by simply intending to move – no wires or physical movement are required,” Neuralink said as it called for volunteers.” Yes, you read that right, click the link and sign up for Elon Musk to be in your brain.

To be fair, from the NPR article, Elon said, “Initial users will be those who have lost the use of their limbs. Imagine if Stephen Hawking could communicate faster than a speed typist or auctioneer. That is the goal.” Nice job Elon! You just said that if Stephen Hawking could type and talk faster he would have been a better physicist. (Btw, click the Stephen Hawking link to see and hear something very cool)

Look, I know all you millenials are thrilled that you might be able to create a Tik-Tok just by thinking about it. To me this looks like the possibility of some great medical advances and also the beginning of everything that’s ever happened in a dystopian novel or movie.

Pic from Hulu

Just ask Will Smith. He knew the robots were bad. If you can’t trust Will Smith, who can you trust, besides me? Me and Will Smith are the only two that are going to tell you the truth. You know damn well Elon won’t, unless it’s making him billions. And Elon, if you don’t like what I said here, you have an open invitation to sit down with me for an interview. Dinner’s on you.

So readers, what do you think? Are you ready to have brain surgery to make life more convenient?

Thanks for reading! ~Phil

4 Comments

Posted in Humor, Science, technology

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The Phil Factor, Now in 3-D! (and the extra D is Free!)

Posted on August 8, 2015 | 7 comments

That’s right! Thanks to the new, space-age technology of the 3-D printers The Phil Factor is now in 3-D! And because I’ve made so much money from the sales of my books, I can afford to give you the extra D for free. Be honest, how many of you have yearned to hear me say that?

From now on, as long as you have a laptop or tablet with a 3-D screen you’ll be able to see The Phil Factor with width, height and depth. Just for fun I’ll be putting in pictures that look like they’re reaching out of the page at you, like this one:

How-To-Watch-3D-On-Your-Existing-TV-Without-Glasses-300x197

Imagine if you could make anything you want, at home. 3-D, or three dimensional printers, are revolutionizing the way scientists, doctors and others think about the world. If you can imagine it, “it” can probably be made with a 3-D printer. Scary thought huh?

What is 3-D printing exactly? I read an article that gave a good, understandable explanation. Basically, if you can create a three dimensional model on your computer and you have your computer hooked to a 3-D printer, you can make anything that you have the raw material for. Then I did some research and discovered that if that raw material is human cells, you could basically make a whole new human. They’re already using this technology and have successfully created ears, noses, bladders, arteries, and skin, though most of them aren’t yet approved for use.

3d-print.today

3d-print.today

Ha Ha! The age of the androids is upon us! Before you know it, fake people will be running around and we won’t know if people are androids or “regular” humans unless they tell us. And guess what? You know how the world often struggles with social injustices and discrimination against women, people of different races or religions, and more recently people of differing sexual orientations? How are we going to figure out what is or isn’t discrimination against androids? Can humans marry androids? Can androids marry each other? Should an android couple be allowed to adopt a human baby? Man, the next century is going to be fun, isn’t it? Good thing that I’ll be there to see it because my 3-D printer will make me new body parts when the old ones wear out.

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If I was at the Republican candidate debate the other night I’d have raised my hand and asked Donald Trump that question. Although I don’t think he would worry about androids because I’m pretty sure that his hair is artificially generated. So, here’s a serious question that I want to see some genuine responses to in the comments; when I am inevitably elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, what, if any, laws do you think there should be around this technology? Or if in the future we are able to use stem cells to create humans with a 3-D printer, what should be the laws, if any,  applicable to them?

Food for thought. Who knew I was so deep? Have a great Saturday!~Phil

7 Comments

Posted in Current Events, Humor, Science, Uncategorized

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