Category Archives: movie

TBT: The Everyday Oscars!

Posted on February 19, 2015 | 7 comments

The Oscars are this Sunday. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that I’ll hear my name called. If not, I’ll award myself an Everyday Oscar as I first did when I wrote this post in February of 2011.

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Well, it’s happened again. I was passed over. Not a single Oscar nomination. The whole process is completely biased against people like me. Ok, I know that there aren’t really other people like me, but that does not excuse the Hollywood establishments prejudice against me. The Oscars have been handed out longer than I’ve been alive, but not once have I been awarded a gold, phallic statuette. Just because I’m not some kiss-ass Hollywood insider who’s made a movie in the past year, they completely overlook my accomplishments!

It is because of this snub that I refuse to attend the awards ceremony. I do have Oscar-worthy acting talent. So do many of you. Just because our skills don’t appear on the big screen doesn’t mean our talents should go unappreciated! To recognize the acting achievements of everyone like me, I hereby introduce The First Annual Everyday Oscar Awards! I imagine the awards ceremony will go something like this:

MC Phil: “The Everyday Oscar for Best Performance in The Workplace goes to… (fumbling with envelope)… Mark Bingham for his role in “The Overdue Report!” (video clip begins to roll on the monitor).

Mark: “Yes Mr. Whalen, I knew that report was due this morning. I was about to forward it to you when I got the call that my grandmother, the woman who raised me after my parents died, was in a car accident.”

Mr. Whalen: “Is that a Hooters napkin sticking out of your pocket?”

Mark: “Yes it is, sir. The hospital needed two quarts of my blood for the transfusion. They said I should drink lots fluids for the rest of the day. I got a little woozy driving back to the office and I had to pull over.”

MC Phil: “That always brings a tear to my eye. Next up, the Everyday Oscar for Best Relationship Saving Performance goes to… Susan Reynolds for her fantastic performance in “Whose Boxers Are These?” (video clip begins to roll).

Boyfriend: “Heather, I just found these boxer shorts under your side of the bed! They’re not mine! Whose are they?”

Susan: “Awww! You ruined the surprise! I bought them for you, but I got so turned on at the thought of you in them, that I put them on myself and wore them around for a day. Would you like to see me in them?”

Boyfriend: “Are these your skid marks?”

Susan: “Umm…yeah?”

As always, if you get a little laugh out of #ThePhilFactor please share by Facebook, Twitter or reblogging. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Posted in Humor, movie, pop culture, television

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The Interview about “The Interview” with Kim Jong-un

Posted on December 20, 2014 | 17 comments

I’ve had some great interview subjects here on The Phil Factor, but today’s guest is certainly my most noteworthy. By now you’ve heard the brouhaha about the Sony Pictures movie The Interview. If you’ve been under a rock, The Interview is a movie about two bumbling tabloid bloggers reporters who land an interview with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un. Prior to the interview they’re recruited by the C.I.A. to assassinate the dictator. Hi-jinks ensue. (go ahead, click the link. It’s really the C.I.A.’s website, where there is no mention of wanting to assassinate anyone)

imdb.com

imdb.com

Although the movie was intended as a comedy, understandably, some folks in North Korea were kind of upset about it. Surprisingly, Kim Jong Un was not one of them. When I ran into him at the froyo shop the other day, I asked and he agreed to this fictional Phil Factor interview to rehab his public image. As you can see below, he even smiled for a picture. (possibly his first smile ever) “I like smiling. Smiling’s my favorite,” he said.

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TPF: Kim, Thanks for visiting The Phil Factor. So are the reports true? Is North Korea responsible for hacking into Sony’s computer system and for the threats of violence towards Sony and theaters that were to show the movie?

Kim: Dude! Are you kidding me? That shit is wack! I got better things to do. I’m running a frickin’ country. If you ask me, Sony is behind it. This is straight up, stone cold one of the best publicity stunts ever. You know they’re gonna release it again in a month or have some sort of alleged super-secret release scenario that everyone will fall for. You Americans are so dumb.

TPF: Wow Kim, I never thought of that. You’re smarter than the press gives you credit for. Your reputation however is that you’re perpetually angry and that you … ahem… eliminate anyone who crosses you. You can understand why everyone in the U.S. thinks North Korea is behind the Sony situation right?

Kim: Like I said, Sony is manipulating the press and the masses are idiots. I thought it was hilarious.

TPF: Wait! You’ve seen the movie?

Kim: Damn straight. As part of my agreement with Sony to allow them to use my name and likeness in the movie, I asked for a screening for me and my staff ahead of the American release. That Seth Rogen kills me. Well, no, not kills me, like in the movie plot. He’s funny. Me and Seth are homies, Also, he’s my supplier, if you know what I mean. That Franco kid, he kind of skeeves me out.

TPF: Kim, you are full of surprises. You’re a lot different than I thought you’d be. If there’s one surprising thing you’d want people to know about you, what is it?

Kim: Gangnam Style. I invented it.

TPF: What? The video, the dance, the song? You invented Gangnam Style?

Kim: Hells yeah I did! Me and Psy went to primary school together. We used to totally bust that move in the cafeteria every day for awhile. Here, look, here’s an old picture of me. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.

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Kim: Dude, seriously, me and Psy used to go clubbing all the time before I got into government.

TPF: Wow, Kim, you’re a lot different than I thought.  And, you’re a lot different than the media portrays you.  I hope a lot of people read this and it changes their perception of you.

Kim: Are you kidding me? A shit-ton of people are going to read this. The Phil Factor is huge in North Korea. That’s why I wanted you to interview me. I’m a big fan. I love your Bieber posts. That kid is an asshat.

TPF: Wait? What? I’m popular in North Korea? Why don’t I see that in my page view stats? It always tells me what country the readers come from.

Kim: Encrypted servers, duh? We’re North Korea.  All those page views that come through encrypted servers are us.

TPF: Wow! That’s great to know Kim. Thanks! Before you go, can I get a picture with you?

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Kim: Thanks Phil. It was awesome meeting. Thanks for getting the word out. You me and Seth will have to get together for a little…ahem…medicinal recreation next time I’m in town. Later homes.

Well, that was it. Me and Kim sat in the froyo shop for an hour. I can’t tell you some of the off the record stuff he told me, but give the dude credit, he likes gummy bears on his froyo and maybe he’s not the nutjob we all thought he was. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below, especially if you’re in North Korea. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, movie, pop culture

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Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Best Holiday Movies Ever

Posted on December 16, 2014 | 42 comments

Every holiday season I see all of these movies at least once. This is just one man’s opinion, so if you have favorites that didn’t make the list please add them in the comments section.

10. Love Actually: (2003) This warranted inclusion because Mrs. Phil and a certain Justice o’ The Peace who follows my Facebook page wanted it. Around the holidays the ladies get what the ladies want.

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9. Scrooged: (1988) A modern re-telling of the Charles Dickens classic starring Bill Murray. I think that even Dickens would agree that this is way better than the original.

8. The Family Man: (2000)  It’s a kind of It’s a Wonderful Life for a new generation. It takes a man down the road not taken. It’s the best acting both Nicholas Cage and Tea Leoni have ever done.

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7. The Santa Clause: This 2004 movie starring Tim Allen screamed instant classic the first time I saw it. Also, any movie that includes Judge Reinhold is a must watch.

6. The Nightmare Before Christmas: (1993) To be honest, which I always am of course, I’ve never seen this, but so many people talk about it, so I added it to the list. Is it good enough that I should make time to watch it this year?

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5. The Polar Express: (2004) Tom Hanks is a great actor even as a cartoon character.

4. Elf: (2003) Starring Will Farrell, this is the most quotable of all holiday movies. “I just like to smile. Smiling’s my favorite.” or “Buddy the Elf. What’s your favorite color?”

3. Miracle on 34th Street: (1947) I’ve never watched the crappy newer version and I don’t plan to. I’ve loved this one since I was a kid, especially the brilliant court scene when Santa’s lawyer wins the case by having the postmen bring in the letters to Santa. Officially, that was the last time the post office delivered anything on time for the holidays.

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2. A Christmas Story: (1983) It is right and just that TBS plays this movie for 24 hours straight every year.

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1. It’s a Wonderful Life: (1946) Yes, I’m an old sentimental fool. I still love it everytime when Mary is hidden in the bush and has lost her robe and George says, “Now this is a very interesting situation.” Who doesn’t wonder where the movie might have gone had his friends not pulled up in the car at that moment. Bow bow chicka chicka… Also it’s pretty cool to me that the town of Bedford Falls is based on a small town in upstate New York that I drive through all the time.

Ok, that’s my list. What do you agree with or better yet, disagree with? What movies would you put on the list?  Have a great Tuesday and Happy Hanukkah! ~Phil

42 Comments

Posted in movie, pop culture, Top Ten

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Top Ten Tuesdays! TheTen Best Movies I’ve Ever Seen

Posted on June 3, 2014 | 29 comments

These are in no particular order. In my mind they are all tied for #1. This is just the order they came out of my brain. Keep in mind that these are just my favorites and when you limit a list to ten you have to exclude some very good choices.

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10. The Wizard of Oz: As a young boy I thought Dorothy was kind of hot.

9. It’s a Wonderful Life: What if Clarence the angel showed George how everyone elses life would have been better if George hadn’t been born. It’s impressive how Jimmy Stewart aged from 10 years old to 40 and he played himself at every age.

8. Star Wars: Only the original will do. Sequels? we don’t need no stinkin’ sequels!

7. Nothing in Common: An early Tom Hanks classic. Last movie that Jackie Gleason ever made. A great romantic comedy that nobody but me remembers.

6. Summer School: This is one of those shut off your brain and enjoy mindless comedies. Starring Mark Harmon, Kirstie Allie and Courtney Thorne-Smith.

5. The Hangover: This one should stand the test of time as one of the best comedies ever.

4. Toy Story: This gets the nod here over Toy Story 3 because it was the original. Toy Story 3 has more humor for adults.

3. Field of Dreams: If you build it they will come. There was a voice in my cornfield too. That’s why I started this blog

2. Bull Durham: Funny movie even if you’re not a baseball fan.

1. The Princess Bride: I think this movie spawned more funny quotes that we remember than any other.

In the comments how about if you chip in with your favorite movies and movie quotes.

Happy Tuesday! ~Phil

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Posted in movie, pop culture, Top Ten, Uncategorized

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Throwback Thursdays! My Name is Inigo Montoya…Prepare to Fly?

Posted on May 1, 2014 | 9 comments

This post is appropriate because I wrote it in anticipation of a work trip a year ago. Today I am again on the eve of another trip I must take for work.  If you enjoyed The Princess Bride you’ll enjoy this, and please participate by putting your favorite Princess Bride quote in the comments section.

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(4/20/13) Wow it’s been a weird week hasn’t it? From the tragedy in Boston to the explosion in Texas to the nutjob sending poison-filled letters to politicians to American Airlines grounding a days worth of flights because of a computer ‘glitch’.  That is a lot of big news and unusual events. At the end of it all I have to travel for work. Tomorrow I am taking my talents, such as they are, to Miami. You might think that with all the crazy events this week I would be nervous about flying. If you think that you’re wrong.

I’m nervous though. I’m nervous about going to Florida. You’re probably saying to yourself, but Phil, why would you be nervous about going to the Sunshine State? First off it’s weird that you said ‘but Phil‘ when you spoke to yourself. Secondly, you might wonder how any state with Disney World, aka the costliest happiest place on Earth, could be a scary place? How could I not be nervous about Florida? I’m not sure how, but Florida has seriously pissed off Mother Nature. There may not be a more cursed place in the world.

The entire state is like the Fire Swamp from the movie The Princess Bride. Remember The Fire Swamp scene in The Princess Bride? Westley and Buttercup had to battle a myriad of unseen dangers to get through. Florida is a lot like that.

Much like the lightning sand in the Fire Swamp, Florida has sinkholes. It’s like the entire state was built on Swiss cheese. Just like you’ve seen in a million movies where someone steps into quicksand you could just be walking along happily and the ground apparently just decides on it’s own to open up and swallow people. That’s crazy. Why would you live somewhere that’s a possibility on any given day?

The Fire Swamp had the R.O.U.S.’s, aka the Rodents of Unusual Size. Florida has  I.O.U.S. Insects of Unusual Size. In my research for this Phil Factor I came across two news articles. One referenced a Florida infestation of “giant mosquitoes” called gallinippers that are 20 times the size of normal mosquitoes. Their bite is described as “being stabbed or having a hot nail driven into your skin.” Delightful huh? But it doesn’t end with mosquitoes. There are also giant, “rat-sized, tire puncturing” African snails invading Florida. That’s got to be all kinds of fun when you step out in your bare feet to pick up the morning paper.  And seriously remember the R.O.A.S.’s in the movie? Tell me those didn’t look and walk like alligators!

In the immortal words of Prince Humperdinck, “I always think everything could be a trap…which is why I’m still alive.”  Wish me luck this week. If I survive the Fire Swamp known as Florida I’ll probably have some good material for next weeks Phil Factor. As always, if you like what you read here please hit the Facebook Share button and feel free to follow me on Facebook by clicking the ‘Like’ button up there on the top right. I’m adding this later, but just for fun, how about if everyone who reads this puts their favorite Princess Bride quote in the comments section?

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, movie, Throwback Thursdays, Uncategorized

The Top Ten Reasons I’m not Spider-Man

Posted on April 30, 2014 | 17 comments

This list is in honor of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 which is premiering Friday.  It was partially filmed in my hometown because it’s easier to shut down a couple city blocks here than in New York City. When you see some of  New York City street scenes keep in mind that I may have been Spidey’s stunt double. As a kid growing up I loved Spider-Man comics because the internet hadn’t been invented yet. I wouldn’t want to be Spider-Man though and here’s why:

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10. The pay isn’t worth it: He’s doing that gig for free. He got into it because he had been too self-absorbed to stop a petty thief who later killed his uncle. If it’s me I save one life and call it even and then use the awesome strength and speed to go play pro football.

9. I like my beauty sleep: Dude goes to college, works part-time, then fights crime at night? Aint’ nobody got time for that. When does he even get time to watch TV?

8. That costume is a 24/7 wedgie: Holy crap Batman! That costume does not hide anything. He’s gotta be wearing a thong or going commando under that right? And the workout time he must need to stay in that kind of shape? No thanks. When Spidey gets to be thirty or forty years old and wants to slack off and enjoy some Krispy Kreme donuts that costume isn’t doing him any favors.

7. The mask: Chicks dig a man of mystery, but you can’t kiss them through a mask. Also, the mask would just ruin my hair. I’ve got a full head of thick, lustrous hair that you can run your fingers through. I should know. I do it all the time. When I’m swinging through the city I want my hair rippling seductively in the breeze. If I’m fighting crime I’m going with just the black eye mask like Zorro.

6. A lot of spiders don’t really want to bite you: As a kid I spent weeks trying to provoke a spider into biting me so I’d get Spider-Man powers. Apparently they’re immune to sarcasm and insults.  I was bitten by a spider once. My finger swelled up for a day but I got no wall crawling ability.

6. No health insurance: I’m pretty sure Obamacare doesn’t cover injuries incurred while web slinging, wall crawling and fighting other costumed freaks.

5.  Anonymity sucks: Why do all superheroes hide their identities? Are you kidding? If I’ve got superpowers I’m not naming myself after a bug or hiding behind a mask. Why have the superpower if you can’t enjoy the fame? I’d be Phil. That would be my superhero name. It’s hard to be the lead on TMZ if they don’t know your name.

4. No commercial endorsements? By taking away the anonymity part of the job I’d be open to all sorts of commercial endorsement opportunities. A superhero still has to pay the electric bill somehow right?  “I may be a superhero by day, but when I take a Kapow! BLAM! or Kerplooie! right in the danger zone I may need a little help at night when I’m swinging with the ladies. That’s why I take Viagra!“ Camera pans out to show me and Catwoman sitting in bathtubs, holding hands and gazing at the New York skyline.

3. No vacation time: Superheroes are always morally obligated to help when lives are on the line and there’s danger afoot. Why is danger always afoot? Why can’t danger just sit there for a few days so Spider-Man can go to Cancun and lay on the beach? I want my four weeks off plus holidays.

2.  Chicks dig the bad boys: Sure, in the movies Spider-Man always has a girlfriend, but we all know that in real life chicks are looking for a guy with a little edginess and maybe a dark secret or two. I’m pretty sure that supervillain is the way to go if you’ve got superpowers and want a kick ass love life.

1. Blogging: Do you know any superheroes with a blog? I can barely keep this blog going three times a week. If I fought crime in addition to my day job it would mean the end of The Phil Factor, and when you get right down to it, we already have cops to fight the bad guys, but who’s gonna write The Phil Factor if I don’t?

As always, if you laughed at #ThePhilFactor that you think your friends would enjoy please share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below. Due to a work trip over the next week and a half I’m not sure when or how I may post, so have a great week and remember, with great swag comes great responsibility.

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, movie, pop culture, Uncategorized

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“Sharks! Tornado! Sharknado!”

Posted on July 13, 2013 | 2 comments

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“Sharks! Tornado! Sharknado! ‘Nuff said.” How could I not? It has been the most buzzy thing on the web this week. So bad it’s good. The SyFy networks pseudo horror movie #Sharknado came out of nowhere this week to become if not a ratings sensation at least a Twitter sensation just because of the name.

Admittedly, I haven’t seen the movie, but you can bet I plan to. The DVR is already set for next Thursday at 7 pm.

The plot of “Sharknado,” which is so good that if it were up to me, I’d give it an Oscar right now, sight unseen, is that an enormous Pacific ocean storm has has created waterspouts, which are tornados on water.  As the waterspouts gain strength over the ocean off the coast of Northern California, they suck up thousands of sharks. When the tornados move inland and lose strength, they drop sharks onto an unsuspecting population. Retirement communities, shopping malls and neighborhoods just overrun with sharks.

But wait, it gets better. It “stars” Ian Ziering, yes, the one from 90210, as a bar owner named, get this, “Fin.” What are the chances of that? I couldn’t write stuff this awesomely bad if I wanted to.  Ian, who I was happy to see on his IMDB page is older than me, deserves the best actor Oscar for the scene where, spoiler alert, he chainsaws his way out of or through a shark. Although really, how do you not see that coming?

And guys, there are hammerhead sharks in it too. And Tara Reid, who on her IMDB bio actually said, “It would be the ultimate dream for me to win an Academy Award.” Until this movie I would have laughed, but now…

Before you watch the official trailer by clicking the link below, here’s the  best part; they’re going to make a second Sharknado and it’s going to star Johnny Depp! As always, if you like what you read on #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter and other share buttons below. Oh, and comments are encouraged.

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, movie

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