I’m back with the most appropriate song ever for today, and it’s from my favorite band, whom I will be seeing in Toronto next August with Fall Out Boy, and Weezer. Honestly, I don’t know why Billie Joe Armstron wanted to be woken up “when September ends.” For me, September is when summer ends and Fall begins. If I wrote the song it would be “Wake Me Up When March Ends.” Hmm…maybe I’ve just thought of a new hit song… Have a great Monday! ~Phil
Thanks to the Netflix/Hulu era, everyone in every country can watch the popular TV shows from anywhere, so regardless of your home country, I hope you’ll know some of these. Although this is going to be a very United States centric list, I’d love to hear suggestions and maybe links in the comments to anything from anywhere else. This was the toughest Top Ten list that I’ve ever put together.
10. Scooby Doo: Yes, the cartoon theme song. I requested that this be played for my first dance at my wedding but my bride Velma objected.
9. The Golden Girls: I can’t vouch for this because I never watched the show, but in a lot of other online lists this was included. I didn’t even listen to it when I added it to this list.
8. The Love Boat: Love, exciting and new. Climb aboard, we’re expecting you! When I was a kid I had very little realization that the entire show was about people trying to have sex on a cruise.
7. The Big Bang Theory: A masterpiece by the quick singing lyrical geniuses of The Barenaked Ladies.
6. Family Guy: How could you not sing along to this?
5. Mission Impossible: No lyrics, but iconic nonetheless. Who doesn’t feel some sort of pressure to get something done quickly when you hear this?
4. The Brady Bunch: “All of them had hair of gold, like their mother.” Who doesn’t know that line?
3. Friends: I hate to be the hipster guy who says “I knew this band before anyone heard of them”, but yeah, I had their album before the Friend’s theme song on cassette tape, so suck it losers.
2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: This is still Will Smith’s best work to date.
1. Cheers: Who doesn’t want a bar that feels like home where everyone knows your name?
That’s it. I feel like I needed to make this a Top 20 list to include all the worthy possibilities. What would you add to the list? What would you take off of it? My blogging friend Haylee recently did a great post about TV theme songs as well. You can check it out HERE
The story behind this is that a Twitter account, @weezerafrica, was started in December by a 14 year old Weezer fan named Mary. She says that she started the idea as a joke and incessantly tweeted Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo and others in the music industry and eventually the idea gained momentum with many,many people tweeting at Rivers Cuomo to cover the song, including David Paich, the keyboardist from the band Toto. Eventually she made the national news:
What you see in the song video at the top is Mary’s first tweet.
Even good artists write bad lyrics sometimes. Here are ten of the worst:
10. Nickelback, Figure You Out: “I love your pants around your feet… You’re like my favourite damn disease.” Not a shock that Nickelback made the list, right? Seriously, who has a favourite disease ? 9. Puff Daddy feat. Mase, Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down: ““Young, black and famous – with money hanging out the anus.” Does he even know how money works? This is exactly why they say money isn’t clean and you shouldn’t put it in your mouth.
8. The Beatles, Ob La Di, Ob La Da: “Ob la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, bra” Thanks genius philosophers. That was helpful.
7. Stone Temple Pilots, Plush: “When the dogs begin to smell her, will she smell alone?” If she’s that smelly, maybe some sort of intervention…
6. R. Kelly, You Remind Me of Something: “Girl you look just like my cars, I want to wax it” R. Kelly has a way with words. I’m sure the ladies like being compared to a car.
5. Kaiser Chiefs, Oh My God: “You work in a shirt with your name tag on it, drifting apart like a plate tectonic.” At least it rhymes. Apparently he has a problem with name tags. How does he order at McDonald’s?
4. Prince, Supercalifragisexy: “Keep the blood flowing down to your feet, Brother Lois will be around in a minute, with a bucket filled with squirreled meat.” Not only does the not sound good, that lyric is anything but supercalifragisexy. Raise your hands, who here wants to be presented with a bucket of squirreled meat? I didn’t think so.
3. Deep Purple, Highway Star: “She’s got everything – like a moving mouth, body control and everything.” They nailed it. Those are exactly the qualities I find attractive in a woman. My standards are not very high.
2. Queen, Bicycle Race: “You say ‘black’ I say ‘white’. You say ‘bark’ I say ‘bite’. You say ‘shark’ I say ‘hey man ‘Jaws’ was never my scene!’” This is apparently a transcript from Freddie Mercury’s therapy session.
1. Red Hot Chili Peppers, Around The World: “Bonafide ride, step aside my johnson. Yes I could in the woods of Wisconsin.” That’s maybe one of the best haikus ever, but nobody sings about Wisconsin.
Those weren’t in any particular ranking order, but they are all epically bad. What are the worst song lyrics you can think of? Please add them in the comments and if there’s enough I’ll put out another list and link to the contributors. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil
Usually one hit wonder songs seem like the greatest musical discovery in our lives for a few months and then they fade away, only to later embarrass us when someone discovers them in our music collection and mocks us. Here are 10 of my favorite one hit wonder songs. What are some of yours? I’d love to hear them in the comments.
10. Your Love by The Outfield. This was an 80’s classic and we all know the lyrics by heart. Oddly, one of my sons recently discovered The Outfield and loves the entire album.
9. Good Vibrations, Marky Mark and The Fun Bunch, 1991 No video here because I’m sure you all know this one. I wonder if The Fun Bunch is having as much fun now that Marky Mark has moved on to bigger and better things.
8. Somebody That I Used to Know, Gotye, 2011
7. Who Let The Dogs Out? Baha Men, 2000 This song is a particular favorite of mine because of something that happened in a courtroom, one of the greatest moments in legal history, when I was on a jury in 2015. Here is what happened:
This is an actual exchange I witnessed in the courtroom between a cross examining defense attorney and a sworn under oath witness:
Attorney: So, you let the dogs out?
When I heard that, I couldn’t help but smirk and I looked around at my fellow jurors and no one else seemed to have gotten the joke. I’ve never been more disappointed in a group of human beings in my life.
6. Stacy’s Mom, Fountains of Wayne, 2003 I find it impossible not to sing along. If you want to hear the song, don’t be afraid. The video is appropriate.
5. 1985, Bowling For Soup, 2004 Truth be told, I think I may have all this bands songs in my collection and they’re all hilarious. This one is the catchy and funny story of a suburban soccer mom who despises her minivan and wishes she were back in 1985 so that she might have a chance to “shake her ass on the hood of Whitesnake’s car.” Look it up and add it to your collection. You’ll thank me.
4. Jump Around, House of Pain, 1992 I first heard this song in a Pringles commercial in the 90’s. Here it is:
3. Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Deep Blue Something, 1996. I owned the cassette tape of this one long after I should have been buying cassettes.
2. Common People, William Shatner and Pulp, 2004. Pulp originally released this song on their own in 1995. When they re-released with Captain Kirk chipping in, it took them to new heights. If you don’t know it, give it a listen:
Gangam Style, Psy 2012. One of the weirdest most popular songs ever. The crazy video still cracks me up.
There is the Top Ten of one hit wonder songs that are actually in my music collection. So tell me in the comments, what are your embarrassing, dirty little secret one hit wonders that you sing aloud when you’re alone in your car?
For those of you not yet aware of the Eurovision song contest, it’s basically American Idol, but it’s an epic worldwide contest where each country sends one singer. Why isn’t America invited? Because they fear us, that’s why! I am hearby declaring this blog post a petition to Eurovision to have the U.S. winner of American Idol be our representative in a Eurovision Song Contest. We’re the United States of America for cripes sake! We can’t let the rest of the world doing things better than us!
( Photo by Pedro Fiúza/NurPhoto via Getty Images)
Eurovision has been going on since 1956, the same year that The Simpsons started! It was originally begun as a way to promote peace and harmony among the nations. Look Eurovision people, right now, the United States is the country most likely to start a war. If you want to promote peace, let us in, or Donald Trump will threaten to bomb you. Of course, he’ll also probably want to be the United States contestant because he thinks he’s best in the world at everything.
Salvador Sobral, the winner at the Eurovision Grand Final on May 14, 2017 in Ukraine. Photo by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images)
You know what would be great to promote peace? Use the Eurovision song contest to settle international beefs between countries. How about a rap battle between North Korea’s Kim Jon Un and Donald Trump? Here’s how that might go:
D. Trump: Your country North Korea sounds like diarrhea. You say you got nukes well put up your dukes.
Kim Jong Un: The United States is high and mighty, but if you go to war with me you’ll soil your tighty whities!
See? How much fun would that be? C’mon Eurovision! Don’t be a jerk! If you want to promote peace let the whole world in! I’m pretty sure that Australia isn’t in Europe but you let them in because of the almost British accent they have. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil
I do Music Monday every Monday, often introducing new music from bands I like. Last week another blogger with a love of music, Hayley, and I got to talking about our love of seeing bands live and we decided to publish our lists of the bands we’ve seen live. The idea is for as many of us as possible to publish our lists of concerts (using #MusicMonday) so we can discuss and compare our lists and the bands we love. Without further adieu, here’s my list:
The Who, The Police, Genesis, Yes, The Fixx, George Thorogood, James Taylor (not related to me),The Grateful Dead(2x), Queensryche, Metallica, Indigo Girls, R.E.M., Phish(2x), The Dead Milkmen, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, Green Day(6x),Less Than Jake (4x), New Found Glory (4x), Sugarcult, Panic at the Disco(3x), Motion City Soundtrack 3x, Fall Out Boy(4x), Blink 182(3x), Rob Zombie, Godsmack, Good Charlotte, Reel Big Fish(3x), 3OH!3, Bouncing Souls(2x), Sum 41, They Might Be Giants, Moxy Fruvous, Anarbor, Riverboat Gamblers,
Jesus H. Christ and The Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse (lead singer has read this blog in the past and implied that I may have partially inspired their song “Vanity Surfing“), Say Anything, All American Rejects, We the Kings (2x), AFI (lead singer from my hometown), Anberlin, Cage the Elephant, The Strokes, Hey Monday, Yellowcard (2x), All Time Low(5x), MC Lars (singer of the classic “Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock), Manchester Orchestra, My Chemical Romance, Mayday Parade, Breathe Carolina, Four Year Strong, Streetlight Manifesto(I didn’t know anything about them and they turned out to be very good. You can’t beat a band with a horn), Paramore, New Politics, BabyMetal (a crazy Japanese band that caused my blog to get about 8,000 views last August), Weezer, and Imagine Dragons.
There’s probably at least a hundred more opening bands that I can’t remember. Which ones on my list have you seen? Which would you want to see? What are your favorite concerts that you’ve been to?
Make sure to visit Hayley and look on Twitter for #MusicMonday and if you’ve got time post your own list and link here so I can visit you and tweet you. Have a great Monday! ~Phil
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor.