In case you didn’t know, there are some really depressing scientists who keep a “Doomsday clock” which gauges the human races chance of exterminating ourselves. If the clock strikes midnight, that means our last days are nigh. About two weeks ago they declared that the Doomsday clock was at 85 seconds until midnight. Hmm… I wonder what they’re worried about. According to ThePhilFactor in 2017, it was at 100 seconds.
What a bunch of gloomy gusses. Their afterwork get togethers must be a drag.
“Hey Marty! Did you see that Trump invaded Greenland against the wishes of everyone else on Earth.”
Marty: Awesome! It’s my turn to update the clock.! If they go nuclear I’m putting it at 75 seconds! (then he rubs his hands together at this joyous news)
That picture above is the happy little group revealing their pride and joy Doomsday clock. What I wonder is do these people have other jobs? Or, do they grab a martini and sit around their lab waiting for bad news. I know it’s probably a depressing job, but I’m also wondering how they replace a member who died? Will I see that job posting on LinkedIn? Seriously, how cool would Doomsayer look on my resume! If that doesn’t attract chicks, I don’t know what does. That’s really true, I don’t know what attracts chicks. If my romantic life had a Doomsday clock it would have hit zero already.
The Doomsday gang are referred to as The Bulletin of Atomic Scientists. From AI: Maintained since 1947, the Clock is a proxy mechanism for threats to humanity from unchecked scientific and technological advances. The Clock’s original setting in 1947 was seven minutes to midnight. It has since been set backward eight times and forward 19 times. The farthest time from midnight was 17 minutes in 1991, and the closest is 85 seconds in 2026. That’s all well and good, but I want names. I want to interview one of these clowns to learn more. I want accountability.
There they are! But what are they smiling about?!!? There’s nothing funny about the end of life on the planet. I want some serious mf’ers setting that clock. If you’d like to watch the “Town Hall” regarding the most recent setting of the Doomsday Clock you can find it HERE. It’s 90 minutes long. That must be a fun watch. Why does it take them an hour and a half to say “We’re all going to die!”
I imagine that these were the kids in elementary school who would scream “Were all going to die!” when the fire alarm went off. But why reveal their life’s depressing work on a boring little college presentation. I wanted to see that during the half-time show in the Super Bowl. Bad Bunny would finish his life affirming, uniting song and then as he exits this morose little group gets up to a podium and Al Michaels say, “These folks are going to tell us how long the world gets to live.” Then Chris Collinsworth chips in with “That’s right Al, I sure hope the Earth lasts another 90 minutes because we’ve got a barn burner of a game going on tonight!
That’s right! They have a newsletter! I signed up for the newsletter so I’ll know when the Earth is going to end before you do! Should I see if I can get an interview with one of those scientists?
Happy Wednesday! Let’s hope it’s not our last! Especially because I’ve got a couple blog posts ready for the weekend! Thanks for reading! ~Phil
