Tag Archives: President Obama

TBT: Dear President Obama

Posted on March 26, 2015 | 19 comments

dm_130320_ncb_obama_baracketology

(03/13/2013) This is my open letter to you, President Obama, and yes, I know you’ll hear about this because Michelle subscribes to The Phil Factor on her Amazon Kindle  to read while she’s home alone when you’re on those “business trips.” (yes, that’s right. For just 99 cents a month you can get The Phil Factor delivered right to your Kindle wirelessly)

Look Barack, I’m glad you’re a sports fan. Good for you. You’re a regular guy just like the rest of us. What I’m not o.k. with is you going on ESPN every year to fill out your NCAA March Madness bracket. I’m not saying you can’t do one. Just don’t go on t.v. for 30 minutes to fill it out. 1) I don’t care about your picks unless you’re actually in the same office pool as me, and 2) IT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE PAYING YOU TO DO!!!

Here’s the deal: my taxes pay your salary, ergo, that makes me and every American your boss. Guess what? Wherever I’ve ever worked they frown on employees wasting time gambling. We usually hide the hours we spend researching our brackets from the boss. We don’t invite the boss to play, so that we can pretend we didn’t waste half the week filling out our brackets and collecting money from everyone. The boss knows we do it, but he or she also likes to pretend that their employees aren’t spending most of a week screwing off. But you, you don’t even pretend you’re working! You bring in ESPN and set up a giant white board in your office and spend half a day explaining why Cals pick and roll has a real chance to give Kentucky fits in the 2nd round. Guess what Barack? I don’t care how much you know about basketball.

You know what I’d be really impressed with is if you pulled out a white board during your State of The Union address and showed a bracket full of evil dictators and communist countries that the U.S. is going to defeat.  If the whole world was hunky dory and we weren’t involved in any wars or recessions or gas prices were reasonable, sure, go ahead, take a breather and relax! It’s like as a kid, when your chores are done you can go out and play. But for the money you’re making I wanna see my President at work 24/7.

Obama_NCAA_Princeton_Green_Bay_Basketball.JPEG-01f25_c0-344-5164-3354_s561x327

Just for being President for two terms you’re set for life financially and you get free lifetime security. That’s a pretty sweet deal. As part of that deal I kind of would like it if you didn’t treat that job like your own personal fantasy camp.  Since you took office there’s been more jocks in the White House than the Lambeau field locker room. Did I mention that me and everyone else are paying for that with our taxes? Yeah, now get back to work.

I’m not saying you can’t do an office pool with the cabinet. Remember when I said that the rest of us hide it from the boss when we waste work time on petty gambling? It’s when you get cocky and flaunt it in front of the boss that you get in trouble.  Here, if you’re so fond of petty gambling on the job, how about this: my NCAA bracket versus yours. You win, you get to stay President. I win, I get your job.

If you’d like to support my NCAA tournament bracket you can check out my humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons  on all the finest e-retailers. As always, if you like what you read here please hit the Facebook Like or Share buttons. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, Throwback Thursdays

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Retirement Advice for President Obama

Posted on March 1, 2014 | 5 comments

This week all the news programs aired a video of our President and Vice-President jogging around inside the White House in their shirts and ties. The idea of the video is to support Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative to fight obesity in the U.S. It’s ironic that to reduce obesity she wants us to sit down to watch a video.

This is just embarrassing. For cripes sake Obama! This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen a President do, and that includes Lewinsky. You’re the leader of the free world, allegedly, and you’re spending time making clownish videos? That’s very Putin-like of you. C’mon! You’re better than that! That’s not what I want to see my President doing. Joe Biden? Sure, make all the lame Youtube videos you want. You’re the V.P. I didn’t even know you were still alive and most Americans confuse you with this ventriloquist dummy:

biden2

That’s why when we saw the video we were surprised to see your legs moving.

President Obama, I’m disappointed in you. Yes, you are the President, but we all know that Michelle wears the pants in the family. We just didn’t know that she was going to make you prance around the White House in them. I don’t want to see that. I want my President to be presidential!

In the past in this space I’ve ranted against President Obama having just a bit too much fun while on the job, but after some time and consideration I think I’ve changed my tune. His term is up in two years and we can’t vote him out, so why shouldn’t he have some fun? Heck, look at all the fun Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is having? Once that guy got into office he went full on Charlie Sheen and he’s still got his job.

President Obama, here is what I’m proposing you do. Turn over the reins to Joe Biden. He’s done nothing of note for six years. Give him a little thrill. It’ll be the high point of his life.  Then you go on a farewell tour like pro athletes do when they announce their retirement. Hell, if you’re already sitting around the White House making goofy videos you might as well be retired.

No, wait, even better. Barack, you know what I think you need? A road trip. No, not the kind you take as President with a full security detail,  but the kind where you just hop in a car with, oh, I don’t know, maybe a random blogger, and just take off.  I’m serious. You probably haven’t gotten drunk in years. I’ll be your designated driver. I’ll just pull up outside the White House late after Michelle is asleep, throw a pebble at your window, you climb out, run across the lawn, hop the fence and we’ll be off to destinations the CIA won’t be able to find you in. I’ll introduce you to the ladies as my cousin Barry. Maybe we’ll hit Spring Break in Miami or something.  (Hey everybody, just for fun click the CIA link up there.)

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by Facebook, Twitter or re-blog. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Picture credit: pichore.com

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Posted in Current Events, Humor

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You Down with EBB? (Everything BUT Bieber)

Posted on January 25, 2014 | 5 comments

Hey everybody, guess what? Other stuff happened in the world this week besides Justin Bieber’s arrest. No, seriously, the rest of the world kept going and did their own thing. I know, shocking, right? It’s probably also a shock to the Biebs that the world didn’t stop for him.

President Obama Endorses Marijuana?

obama-weed

In what I consider a colossal lack of good judgement, President Barack Obama seemed to support the legalization of recreational marijuana. “I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the President told The New Yorker’s David Remnick in a lengthy profile published on Sunday. President Obama went on to admit openly to his use when he was younger and said that it’s “a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life”.

Idiot! I’m not saying whether I agree or disagree with him. I am saying that he just undermined himself as a parent and undermined law enforcement and judges across the nation. Good luck trying to ground your daughters for smoking pot in the West Wing now.

The Stoner Bowl

super bowl

Seattle and Denver will play in the Super Bowl next Sunday. The largest cities in the two states that have legalized recreational marijuana use.  Thank God the game isn’t being played in either one of those states. Can you imagine the enormous cloud of pot smoke over that stadium? I’m pretty sure that if somebody were to measure the Dorito consumption rates by state next Sunday those two would lead the survey by a mile. In Denver I guess the legalization gives new meaning to the phrase “Mile High City.”

Facebook is for “Old” People

oldfacebook

Above the picture I put the word ‘old’ in quotes to make it seem like the old part is being exaggerated by all these news articles saying that kids are leaving Facebook because it’s too full of their parents and their parents friends and relatives.  Of course the kids are leaving Facebook! Every parent I know of demands that their kid “friend” them on Facebook or let them have their password so they can spy on them. Guess what adults who don’t want the NSA reading your texts and e-mails? Yup, you’ve become the NSA to your kids. Jeez! If anyone was that intrusive into any part of our lives we would hide from them too. If you’ve got Facebook stock I recommend selling immediately because the next generation is going to grow up not using Facebook much. Where are the kids going?  Well, don’t tell them I told you, but I’ve been doing some spying and the cool kids are hanging out on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram. Instagram is starting to get a lot of “old” people creeping in there too, so the kids are probably moving on. BTW, if you’re the parent of a teenager, they’re using Snapchat to send naked pictures to each other, so get that app off their phone, although I’m sure Barack Obama would say it’s ok.

In the links in the previous paragraph please click on the NSA. It’s really their site and I’m sure they love when I link my blog to it. Also, the Twitter link takes you to my Twitter, so feel free to follow me. If you’re not familiar with Snapchat, the link is to an article about it.

As always, you know that sharing is caring, so if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or other social media button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

picture credits: http://www.6minutez.com, http://www.alphamaletribe.com and http://www.techcrunch.com

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Posted in Current Events, Humor

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I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

Posted on June 8, 2013 | 3 comments

“I’m just an average man with an average life. I work from nine to five.             Hey, hell, I pay the price.  All I want is to be left alone in my average home. But why do I always feel like I’m in the twilight zone? And I always feel like somebody’s watching me, and I have no privacy.” ~ Rockwell 1984

Obama-Small-business-linchpin-of-progress

Yeah, I got your back. All the blogs and news outlets are going with the Orwellian “Big Brother” references but I came up with a little Rockwell to stick in your head all day.  Yes, just for you, Phil Factor fans, I risked covert government monitoring and did a Google search to get the President Obama picture for you.  Do you know why I did that? I did it because President Obama, the National Security Agency, the FBI, and the CIA are the bomb. When I say ‘bomb’ I mean totally awesome of course.

Everyone is upset because The Patriot Act gave the government the right to monitor our electronic communications and they actually went ahead and did it. Guess what? I’m fine with it for two reasons; 1) I find the idea of the government reading my texts & e-mails a lot less intrusive than my plane blowing up. I’d rather someone read my texts than my eulogy. Now that is a great quote. I should copyright that and put it on a t-shirt. You know what’s really cool is that I used the words ‘Obama’ and ‘bomb’ in the same sentence earlier thus guaranteeing I would trip whatever internet monitoring filter the NSA has to search for terror communications. Hello to all the new Phil Factor fans from the NSA reading me today! Please share this around the office. I love what you do. Keep up the good work.

The second reason I don’t care if the government reads all my electronic communications is this:

“Once during a season in which Michael Jordan averaged 37 points he only had 12 three pointers. All season long.”

“He’s an idiot. He tried calling me too but I wouldn’t answer. We tried to tell him.”

“Come home for a few minutes and help us lift couches.”

“Cool you are nearly a geek!”

“Susan Rice at NSA, Samantha Power at the UN: the weakening of America continues…Did somebody say HOPE and Deception?”

Those are some of the texts that have been sent or received by me recently. Oops, how did that last one get in there? That’s from a co-worker who I won’t name so as to protect his privacy. (That’s a text? Jeez! Lighten up Francis.) If the government wants to read all my texts, be my guest. I don’t even want to read them most of the time.  And what about being “spied on” by drone planes? Remember people were upset about that a few months ago? If the government wants to watch me mow my lawn go right ahead, but I’m not taking my shirt off because the guns I’ve got might have to be registered as lethal weapons. (ok, take a minute to laugh and catch your breath) If those drone planes are going to be out and about I’d like to see the government do something useful with them to defray the cost to taxpayers, such as this video of Domino’s using one to deliver a pizza.

I like to keep it light and not drone on too much (pun totally intended. Hoping for a free pizza), so I won’t preach or get too political. Just to entertain you here’s the original Rockwell video we all enjoyed in the 80’s. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, or any of the share buttons below.

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Posted in Current Events, Humor

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Dear President Obama

Posted on March 23, 2013 | 4 comments

This is my open letter to you, President Obama, and yes, I know you’ll hear about this because Michelle subscribes to The Phil Factor on her Amazon Kindle  to read while she’s home alone when you’re on those “business trips.”

Look Barack, I’m glad you’re a sports fan. Good for you. You’re a regular guy just like the rest of us. What I’m not o.k. with is you going on ESPN every year to fill out your NCAA March Madness bracket. I’m not saying you can’t do one. Just don’t go on t.v. for 30 minutes to fill it out. 1) I don’t care about your picks unless you’re actually in the same office pool as me, and 2) IT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE PAYING YOU TO DO!!!

Here’s the deal: my taxes pay your salary, ergo, that makes me and every American your boss. Guess what? Wherever I’ve ever worked they frown on employees wasting time gambling. We usually hide the hours we spend researching our brackets from the boss. We don’t invite the boss to play, so that we can pretend we didn’t waste half the week filling out our brackets and collecting money from everyone. The boss knows we do it, but he or she also likes to pretend that their employees aren’t spending most of a week screwing off. But you, you don’t even pretend you’re working! You bring in Stuart Scott and set up a giant white board in your office and spend half a day explaining why Cals pick and roll has a real chance to give the Syracuse 2-3 zone fits in the 2nd round. Guess what Barack? I don’t care how much you know about basketball.

You know what I’d be really impressed with is if you pulled out a white board during your State of The Union address and showed a bracket full of evil dictators and communist countries that the U.S. is going to defeat.  If the whole world was hunky dory and we weren’t involved in any wars or recessions or gas prices were reasonable, sure, go ahead, take a breather and relax! It’s like as a kid, when your chores are done you can go out and play. But for the money you’re making I wanna see my President at work 24/7.

Just for being President for two terms you’re set for life financially and you get free lifetime security. That’s a pretty sweet deal. As part of that deal I kind of would like it if you didn’t treat that job like your own personal fantasy camp.  Since you took office there’s been more jocks in the White House than the Lambeau field locker room. Did I mention that me and everyone else are paying for that with our taxes? Yeah, now get back to work.

I’m not saying you can’t do an office pool with the cabinet. Remember when I said that the rest of us hide it from the boss when we waste work time on petty gambling? It’s when you get cocky and flaunt it in front of the boss that you get in trouble.  Here, if you’re so fond of petty gambling on the job, how about this: my NCAA bracket versus yours. You win, you get to stay President. I win, I get your job.   F3NQRYD6TB4J

If you’d like to support my NCAA tournament bracket you can check out my humorous murder mystery novel White Picket Prisons  on all the finest e-retailers. As always, if you like what you read here please hit the Facebook Like or Share buttons.

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