Tag Archives: Senator Ted Cruz

If You Love Honey Boo Boo, You’ll Love…The Phil Factor?

This is my new quarterly feature, Fun with Search Terms! You know how when you put in a search term you get pages of related websites? Some are close to what you wanted to find and others not so much. Have you ever worded your search term poorly and gotten some results that made you click your browser closed in horror and go take a shower? This post is my quarterly reminder to be careful what you put into a search engine because somewhere someone knows what you’re looking for.

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WordPress tracks the search terms that bring people to The Phil Factor. Here are some of my favorites from the last 90 days along with my commentary:

If you love Honey Boo Boo you’ll love: The Phil Factor? Yup, apparently Google thought that my whimsical trailer park wisdom would appeal to the Honey Boo Boo crowd. Jeez, what’s next, Duck Dynasty fans? Speaking of that, just to be clear, I am not the Phil that everyone is so riled up about this week. We’ve suspended him from Phil Club until further notice.

Reasons to hate OprahI’m only surprised that someone had to do a search to find reasons. I can think of at least ten off the top of my head.

Cub Scout cult: If I was to start a cult it definitely wouldn’t be with Cub Scouts, and especially not with the scout leaders. The khaki shorts and kerchief outfit gives me the creeps.

Dog drool germs: Apparently Google thinks my blog is the place to find dog drool germs. That’s why I keep Purel over in the left sidebar. On a related note, if you just looked at my left sidebar to see if it was there I strongly suspect you may be one of the people whose search terms end up in this list.

Kid stuck to popes leg: I’m not allowed to comment until the Vatican issues a public statement.

Ted Cruz catheter: Apparently after reading several passages from #ThePhilFactor during his infamous filibuster Senator Cruz laughed so hard that he peed himself.

Etiquette for men peeing outside: Proving that I am a resource of useful information, yes, there is etiquette for men peeing outside and I wrote about it here.

Celine Dion satanic: I don’t believe for a minute that Satan would want Celine Dion hanging around with him. Her music isn’t evil, it’s just bad.

Horniestintheland.com : I don’t know if that’s a real website and I’m afraid to look, but someone found The Phil Factor by entering that search term. Is there a Horniest in the Land contest? If I entered and posted the link here would you vote for me?

People Magazines sexiest man alive year after year: At least Google search thinks of me as The Sexiest Man Alive even if People Magazine keeps getting it wrong.

As always, if you enjoyed The Phil Factor please share it with your friends by hitting the Facebook share button below. Happy Holidays and have a great weekend!

A Philibuster for the Philistines!

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This is not going to be a political post. I have my opinions & personal politics, but they are mostly about me. This week the rancor over the funding and institution of Obamacare reached a peak when Republican Senator Ted Cruz engaged in a filibuster of over 21 hours to protest the funding of the new healthcare plan. Talking for 21 hours straight is an impressive feat of endurance. Standing without sitting once while talking for 21 hours straight as Cruz did is even more impressive. The most impressive thing about Cruz’s stunt is that for the entire 21 hours and 19 minutes he did not once go to the bathroom.

Now I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to do anything other than sleep  for 21 hours straight I’m going to need some caffeine. If I drink coffee or an energy drink I can’t go 21 minutes without needing a restroom. I call b.s. I believe Senator Ted Cruz had a catheter and urine bag strapped to his leg. Either that or he just peed himself like marathon runners do sometimes.

Either way, that stupid, pig-headed dude wasted our tax dollars. I’m pretty sure that if any of us ever shows up for work and just stands there talking for 21 hours straight our bosses are going to be pissed. And he was doing it because he and his party disagree with Obamacare. Well guess what? They already had a vote and you lost. Them’s the rules Senator Cruz. When you took the job I’m pretty sure they told you that you’d be participating in a democracy right? Just standing there talking so nothing gets done is the adult equivalent of holding your breath until the other side gives in. Like a 5 year old. I vote for your impeachment effective immediately you arrogant jerk.

When I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to make some changes. First off, filibuster will be spelled Philibuster. Secondly, no one will be allowed to have a Philibuster to prevent any other governmental action. Thirdly, a new kind of Philibuster will be mandatory on the floor of Congress every Friday afternoon at 4 pm. The new Philibuster will take place during the last hour of each congressional week and five congressmen or women will be chosen to read aloud a selection of their choice from my collection of humorous essays, Fifty Shades of Phil. 

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Also, when I’m elected President or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, the nations’ new capital will be Philadelphia and instead of the dollar bill our money will be the dollar Phil. Also, all citizens of the United States will be referred to as Philistines. Until then, unless there’s any objections, I’ll refer to all my blog followers as the Philistines. And yeah, I know this post is completely egocentric and self-serving, but hey, if you’ve got a better idea for your name then go right ahead and blog about it!

As always, if you want favorable treatment in my new world order please hit the Facebook & Twitter share buttons. If you want to be a Philistine please follow me on Facebook by clicking the like button up there on the right.