Tag Archives: social media funny

Are You A Social Media Drama Queen?

Are you a social media drama queen? You may not know, but we sure as hell do! Although I used the phrase drama queen, guys can be social media drama queens too. Not me of course. I’ve written this blog for over 13 years for purely educational purposes. Mostly I like to educate people when they’re being idiots.

We used to be able to worship our on screen idols, actors, actresses, athletes and musicians, from afar for years, then social media showed up and these people couldn’t keep their mouths shut. Of course, it’s not a surprise that celebrities are social media drama queens. It’s just a surprise how many of them are morons.

But I’m not here to talk about the rich and famous morons. I’m talking about the regular, used to be your friend, type of morons. The ones that think they are a social media STAR! We all know these people don’t we? You know every damn time that they leave the house because they check in on Facebook when they walk to their mailbox and then Instagram you their  breakfast.

And really, who cares that you love coffee? Guess what? billions of people have been having coffee (or tea) every friggin’ morning since the cave people figured out how to boil water. If coffee was that freaking miraculous the cave people would have painted a picture of it on some cave wall in France. That was their Instagram. And yes, I’m drinking coffee too but I don’t imagine that’s very interesting to all my social media “friends” who are also drinking coffee. Guess what? Drinking coffee is not any sort of accomplishment that needs to be lauded by your social media friends. And yes, everyone else also has a coffee mugs with a supposedly humorous comment about drinking coffee.

And what about social media friends? Those people who were strangers until they “followed” you? Are they really friends? Up until 15 years ago, if a stranger followed you, you probably went straight to the police and got a restraining order. Now we rejoice if strangers we don’t know “like” our coffee picture. My least favorite of the social media drama queens is the people that commit social media suicide. “I’ve had enough of all the mean spirited comments here on Facebook/Twitter/blog  so I’m deleting my account!” But then they come back to check comments and reply. If you’re going to leave social media, do it. Don’t come back to see how many people will say “don’t go!” Chances are you’ll be disappointed.

Have a great Saturday everybody! Give me all your love in the form of likes and comments because if you don’t I’m going to delete my account. And this time I mean it! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Facebook Just Might Save Your Life

(11/5/2016) In all likelihood, my blog is more likely to save your life, but this week a study was released implying that moderate use of Facebook leads to a longer life. That’s hard to believe, because seeing posts that say, “Only my real friends will copy and paste this into their status…” makes me want to shorten the life span of so many, many people. Oddly, I went to WebMD and it says that Facebook causes cancer. Of course WebMD says everything causes cancer. I know I have a lot of blog friends and followers in the UK. I wonder if there are cancers specific to different countries? For instance, might my UK friends be more prone to Tea & Crumpet cancer? I hope not. I’d better go check Facebook to see what it has to say on the matter.

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It seems that, according to the study, those that receive the most Facebook friend invites are social media whores more likely to have a lower mortality rate than those with fewer. How can they possibly know that? Because their account is active longer? Maybe it’s active longer because they died already without deleting their account. Maybe the people with fewer invites are actually out Facebooking in person, outside of the house, with real people. Hey, I think that’s a thing I’m going to start. Facebooking in person. When I leave the house from now on I’ll say, “See you later. I’m going to go Facebook in person with…”

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Listen Mark Zuckerberg, just slow your roll. You and your website aren’t the panacea for everything. The study was nice, but guess what? Give somebody about 6 months and they’ll find a way to identify a Facebook cancer. Also, the kids and millenials aren’t using Facebook because us “old people” (meaning anyone over 30) have ruined it. In about ten years when all the old Facebook users die off, there will be a whole generation that grew up on Snapchat, Kik, and Twitter and they won’t be using or investing in Facebook. Did I just say “millenials” back there? Ugh. I’m an awful person. Also, if I said that, I’m an old person, apparently. That is the most overused word in the world and it’s idiotic. You know who never uses the word millenials? Millenials.

The bottom line is that social interaction of any type, with millenials or anyone else, online or in person leads to a longer life, so if you want a longer life you should comment on this post and then to be ironic, and because your life just might depend on it, share it to Facebook using the share button below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

Name Ten Bands … The Meme That Ate Facebook

No. No, I am not going to name ten bands that I’ve seen and one of them is a lie! And I don’t have time to read and guess yours either. And guess what? I. DON’T. CARE.  (Panic at the Disco) And if you list your ten bands in my comments, I may have to ban you from #ThePhilFactor.

The fact that this meme has taken over Facebook proves that Facebook is dead. After ten years or more of Facebook we have all now officially run out of things to talk about. (Weezer) This is like a party or meeting ice breaker for people who don’t know how to relate to others in a natural, spontaneous fashion. I was at a work dinner the other night and someone pulled that out and we did it at the table while we were face to face. It took so much time that we didn’t even have time to be snarky about other co-workers. (Green Day) That’s the real bonding between people, when you can forge an alliance against a common enemy. The enemy of my enemy is my Facebook friend.

This is it. Now that Facebook has turned this corner, it’s all downhill from here. (Twenty One Pilots) There’s now probably hundreds if not thousands or millions of stupid people that loved the “list ten bands” meme and are now thinking of new, but nauseatingly similar memes about movies, books and TV shows that they will spread to Facebook over and over for several years. (Blink 182) Instead of those boring ideas, how about we revive Facebook with some sarcasm and snarkiness. Here’s some suggestions:

Ten people you hate on Facebook, but one of them is a lie.

Ten People that I’m surprised are still alive, but one of them is a lie.

Ten teachers I kissed in high school but one of them I slept with

(All Time Low)

Ten TV moms or dads I’d do, and none of them are lies.

Ten co-workers I hate, but one of them is a lie.

Ten People that shouldn’t post beach pics of themselves. Please stop posting beach pics of yourself (The Grateful Dead)

Completely not related to this post but I thought it was funny

That’s what Facebook needs, more rabblerousers. More meanness. It needs to be more like the real world. How about that? How about honesty on Facebook? That would be new.  No more idyllic little vacation family photos! Everyone knows that vacationing with family is a giant pain in the ass. (Less than Jake) When the kids are little they’re exhausting to drag around Disney and the adults never get to do what they want and spouses snipe at each other about “you we’re supposed to remember the sunscreen” or “What do you mean you left the Fast Passes back at the hotel?” (Paramore) 

Well, that’s my little rant for this weekend. Who else is on the “let’s mean up Facebook” train with me?  If you have any funny ideas for sarcastic Facebook meme games we could play feel free to share then in the comments. (Bowling For Soup) And please feel free to share this with your Facebook friends by hitting the share button below. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil