Tag Archives: social media humor

Throwback Thursdays! I’m Freshly Pissed!

Posted on June 30, 2016 | 10 comments

This was wildly popular when I published it two years ago. If you didn’t see it then, it’s new to you!

This blog is dedicated to myself and all the other erstwhile bloggers who have toiled long and hard writing interesting and engaging blog posts but have nary an official award to show for it.

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For my friends who visit me here from Facebook or Twitter, Freshly Pressed is an honor awarded to people who aren’t as brilliant and funny as I am a blog post by the trolls people that ‘run’ WordPress like their own cool kids clique in high school. The honor of having your post Freshly Pressed means that it is part of a featured list on WordPress that is read by thousands and you get a Freshly Pressed badge that you can post in your sidebar for all eternity so you can lord it over the have nots, telling them  “I’m better than you”.

You know how the government has the “Do Not Fly” list? I’m pretty sure that WordPress has a “Do Not Press” list and if I wasn’t on it before I’m pretty sure I just got moved to the top of that list. Is it just me or are a lot of you sick and tired of reading blogs that begin with ‘I was on WordPress two weeks when my post was Freshly Pressed,” or “I’ve been Freshly Pressed three times.”  Well la-de da, aren’t you special?

Lest you think this is just sour grapes from an envious non-award winner, I once had a post that I shared on Reddit that got over 16,000 views in a day and spent over 24 hours ranked #1 in the Humor category. How can the Freshly Pressed overlords say something that gets that kind of reaction isn’t good enough?

I’m sure that this weekend the Freshly Pressed feed will be filled with hundreds of touching stories about great fathers.  Well la-de-da, aren’t you special? What if you never got your father’s or WordPress’s approval?  I’m creating a new award for all of us who have created  great posts that are creative, thought-provoking, funny, and original, and have never received the Freshly Pressed award that we so obviously deserve. My, nay, OUR award is the Freshly Pissed award. You can award it to yourself or another blogger who has never been Freshly Pressed but who obviously deserves it.

Just steal the picture at the top of this post and put it on your blog or send it to a fellow blogger you think deserves recognition. That’s right. I created that original, but unlike the tyrannical aristocracy of Freshly Pressed who hand out their precious awards as if they’re giving away Nobel Prizes, I want everyone to have it if they want.  (You know who else is going to be Freshly Pissed? My wife when she sees that I got permanent marker on a coffee mug making the picture)

If you can put it in your sidebar, great. I wish I knew how. If you do award yourself or others, let me know in the comments and I’ll compile the Freshly Pissed  list and post it on my blog later this week so that all of us who are Freshly Pissed can visit each other.  Keep in mind though that if you ever do win a Freshly Pressed you are out of the club. No soup for you!

If you like the idea please share by re-blogging. Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

10 Comments

Posted in Humor, Social Media, Throwback Thursdays

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Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons To HATE Social Media

Posted on June 21, 2016 | 31 comments
Picture credit: thesocialskinny.com

Picture credit: thesocialskinny.com

10. Bloggers: Ugh. We all think we’re funny, or smart or interesting. Sometimes we are and often times we’re not.This doesn’t apply to me of course, and you guys are all great, really. Shhh…it’s the other bloggers I’m talking about.

9. Twitter snobs: “Oh, you just don’t understand Twitter.” Have you heard this? Really? Sorry, I didn’t realize that Twitter was so complicated. I thought it was just a bunch of dolts making jokes. How could I have been so wrong? So far I haven’t heard of anyone on Twitter curing cancer or splitting the atom. I love my Twitter, but some people think they’re worthy of deity status because of how many followers they have or how many retweets they’ve gotten. Being popular on Twitter is about as impressive as being popular in prison.

Picture credit: themetapicture.com

Picture credit: themetapicture.com

8. Pinterest: Holy crap! I seriously do not care that you pinned a new recipe on your board. What the hell? Why couldn’t you just stick it on Facebook? That’s where all the old people are anyway.

7. Facebook winners: These people think Facebook is a contest to see who has the most fabulous life. If your life is that great why don’t you go live it instead of spending all your time on Facebook?

6. Facebook whiners: Look, sharing some personal stuff is fine. It’s what bonds us together sometimes. But all the time? Hello, boundaries! Guess what? We’re not all here to be your therapist and this isn’t group therapy. Suck it up and pay a professional.

5. The selfie: Truth be told, I’ve taken a few selfies in my time, but in general you just look desperate for attention.

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4. Social media insecurity: Do I have enough followers? Did I get enough likes and comments? I don’t remember, how did we measure our self-worth before social media? That’s right, we didn’t. We just lived our lives and tried to buy a better car than our friends.

3. Time: We all had more of it before social media. Before social media, man went to the moon and found a cure for polio. What have we done since social media? Mostly stupid stuff like drones delivering pizza and inventing the selfie. Seriously though, how cool would a selfie on the moon be? You could have the Earth over your shoulder…Neil Armstrong was a moron for missing that opportunity. He’d probably be more remembered for inventing the selfie.

2. I have to network on LinkedIn: Up until about 5 years ago I had my job, I did it and if I didn’t like it I sent a resume’ somewhere. Now it’s all about networking! Who do you know? Where do you know them from? Who am I connected with? Who are my friends connected with? Who will endorse me? Jeez, work has become work outside of work.

1. Somebody said something mean about…my blog post, my Facebook update, my picture, my political opinion that I voiced, blah, blah, blah, wah, wah, wah. Everyone has an opinion and now they get to broadcast it. There’s people I used to like in real life, and then I became privy to their opinions on everything through social media.

What are your pet peeves about social media?

Ironically, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or reblog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

31 Comments

Posted in Humor, Social Media, Twitter

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Top Ten Blogging Pet Peeves

Posted on January 26, 2016 | 91 comments

Picture credit: someecards.com

Picture credit: someecards.com

Hi. My name is Phil and I’m a blogger.  (Everyone else in the “blogosphere” replies “Hi Phil!”)  Yes, if I’m being painfully honest with myself, I’m a blogger. I’ve been a blogger for over nine years. I took to it like a fish to water. Just because I do it doesn’t mean that I love everything about it.  Thank you to Nerd in The Brain  for the idea for today’s Top Ten list. Go visit her. She has a great blog. Without further adieu, here are my Top Ten Peeves about blogging:

10. Blog Awards: Let’s get this one right out of the way now. It’s not an award if it requires you to do anything you normally wouldn’t,  like turn around and give it to fifteen other people.  There’s no other awards in life that require you to do work. “And the Oscar for Best Actress in a Drama goes to Meryl Streep, but only if she can name fifteen other actors that deserve it!”

9.  Everything has a blog: Have you noticed that just about everything on TV claims it has a blog? Products in commercials have blogs. New programs have blogs. Every celebrity has a “blog.” Blogs aren’t blogs if a marketing department creates them and manages them.

8. Everyone can have a blog: Yeah, I know that’s kind of the point, but there’s got to be some sort of screening process.  Just because you can say something doesn’t mean that you should.

7.  Blogs that are too long: Yup, I’m well aware that we all have unique  life stories, and I want to hear yours, but not if I have to clear my plans for the evening to read your blog post. I want to hear your life story in bite sized pieces. Think of blogging like a party you go to.  Nobody likes the person who traps you in the corner near the bathroom to tell you everything about their life. In the blogosphere I like to move about the party meeting many new and interesting people.

6. Blogging terms: Blogosphere, blogiversary, blogiverse, re-blog. Are any of these real words? Are they in a real dictionary somewhere? I feel like an idiot using them, but I have to because everyone here understands them.

5. Blogs without pictures: Words are good, but c’mon, brighten that up with a little eye candy! That’s why I have that picture of me at the top left. You’re welcome.

4. Fake profile pictures: Unless you’re blogging about something super personal or “adult” why hide your identity? How am I going to stalk you in real life if I can’t recognize you?

3. Blogs about boring stuff: Hate those.Please stop writing them. No,  not you. Don’t you hate when someone boring follows you and comments on all your posts and so you feel obligated to visit and comment on their blog occasionally, but it is just the worst blog ever? Thank God this doesn’t apply to anyone I follow. You guys and gals are great as chips.

2. Blogs that don’t post their own thoughts: An inspirational picture or quote is nice now and then, but if that’s all a blog is, what’s the fun in that? I like to read little, genuine slices of people’s lives. I don’t care what Ghandi said fifty years ago. If I did I’d read his blog. Speaking of that, he hasn’t posted in a while. What’s up with that?

1.  Animated GIF’s: You know the ones, right? It’s literally a two second video clip that repeats endlessly. It’s nearly seizure inducing like a strobe light. Nothing is that funny in two seconds.

As always, everything here is meant  in good humor with no malice intended. In the comments, what are your blogging pet peeves?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share by Facebook, Twitter, or re-blogging! Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

91 Comments

Posted in Humor, Social Media

Tagged , , , , , ,