Tag Archives: Vanilla Ice

Dirty Dancing With The Stars?

usmagazine.com

usmagazine.com

To be honest, I’ve never watched an episode, but then again, when has having only half-assed knowledge of anything stopped me from making fun of it? I was first going to write one of my Pop Culture Commando posts where I hit on several trending pop culture topics, but…

usmagazine.com

usmagazine.com

But then protesters stormed the DWTS stage during a taping to protest the participation of Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte, who is more famous for drunkenly vandalizing a gas station bathroom and lying about it than he is for anything else. As much as I’d like to mock Ryan Lochte some more, I have to say, really protesters? Ryan Lochte? This is what your life has come to? You’re apparently OK with racism, terrorism, Trump and Hillary, Brexit, and human trafficking, but Ryan Lochte lying about kicking in a mini-mart bathroom door has put you over the edge? 

bismarcktribune.com

bismarcktribune.com

Like I said, I was just going to hit on several pop culture topics today, but then I read the cast list for this seasons DWTS and my jaw dropped. Maureen McCormick (Marcia Brady) and Vanilla Ice! Are you kidding me? That is kitschy television gold right there! And Ryan Lochte? And about a dozen people I may never had heard of, including Laurie Hernandez who “burst onto the Senior Elite gymnastics scene in 2016…”  First of all, I had no idea there was a Senior Elite gymnastics scene! I’m imagining a scene like the opening of Fame where the group of kids are dancing in the street, except it’s old ladies with walkers slowly trying to do a somersault on the ground without breaking a hip. What does Senior Elite gymnastics scene even mean? Was she best at Jazzercise at her local gym? Before Laurie Hernandez finds me and kicks my ass, I will say that she is definitely not a geriatric and is attractive enough to distract me from my Maureen McCormick love for the few minutes she’s on the screen. Here’s a picture of Laurie:

She does not look very senior does she?

She does not look very senior does she?

Marcia, Marcia Marcia! That’s obviously what DWTS is all about this year. I don’t know how many of you in other countries are aware of The Brady Bunch, but when I was just a lad too young to know manly things, I did know that Marcia Brady was smokin’ hot. Had things turned out differently and the show had hired me instead of Robbie Rist to play Cousin Oliver, Marcia and I might be married right now. And, if I were to be into dudes my man-crush would be Vanilla Ice. And DWTS has put him in the cast too!

Picture credit: sodahead.com

Picture credit: sodahead.com

Here is where I’d like to add some Phil to DWTS: What if DWTS wasn’t a show about celebs pairing up with professional dance instructors to compete? What if it was celebs pairing up with each other with no professional instruction at all? How hilarious would it be to see these idiots stumble and fumble through a waltz like the rest of us drunk at a wedding reception? Even better would be to get the celebs drunk before they dance! Obviously, the pinnacle of the show this year would be if Vanilla Ice sprains an ankle and they tab a certain humor blogger as his replacement to dance with Maureen. I would SO do the Dirty Dancing scene where she jumps and I hold her over my head.

dirty-dancing-final-dance-o

Go ahead, picture that but with me and Marcia Brady…Nobody puts Philly in a corner.

Have a great Saturday everyone! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesdays! The Top Ten Petty Things I Would Do With Time Travel

Picture credit: bbc.co.uk

Picture credit: bbc.co.uk

In honor of the new season of Dr. Who, which began last Saturday, I thought about time travel. Sure, Dr. Who flies about the universe saving entire civilizations, but what if someone petty and small like you and me decided to time travel? C’mon, you know that you’ve thought about what you would do. If not, here are some suggestions:

10. If I’m ordering a pizza that I want there in 30 minutes or less, I’d always get the less.

Picture credit: business.time.com

Picture credit: business.time.com

9. My 12th grade world history paper on Charles de Gaulle would have an actual first person interview. B+ my ass Mr. Hampton!

8. How about relationship do-overs? This is one we’ve all thought about. Avoid the bad ones, save the good ones you screwed up.

7. Gambling! Holy cow! Can you imagine how much money we could make if we just went back and gave our past selves future winners?

6. The stock market: This is proof that there really is no time travel yet. I’m sure Future Me would have told Past Me to invest in Apple about twenty years ago.

5. Ice Ice Baby: If a talentless hack like Vanilla Ice, aka Robbie Van Winkle, could make it big, imagine how great that song would be if I had done it.

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

Picture credit: newyorkpost.com

4. On December 7th, 1980, although I was just a kid,  I would have hopped a bus to New York City, stayed overnight and then stopped John Lennon in the lobby of his apartment building for an autograph, the world’s first selfie, and a chat lasting an inordinate amount of time.

3. Have you ever walked out of a bad movie and said, “That’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.” Not anymore. You can wipe The Love Guru from your viewing resume and get those two hours back.

2. Who hasn’t gone to work, looked out the window and said to yourself, “On a day this beautiful I should be at the beach?”

1. Like sleeping in? Time travel is the ultimate snooze button. Wake up, go back two hours, lather, rinse, repeat.

In the comments, what are some of the things you would do if you could time travel? If you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please consider hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. If you don’t, I’ll go back in time and make sure that you do. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursdays! If There’s a Problem, Yo I’ll Solve It with…Frozen Yogurt? The 11 Best Frozen Yogurt Shop Names

This post from last August was one of my most popular posts of the past year. Almost every day someone finds it through a Google search.

Yogurt Shop Design and Branding

Hilariously, every frozen yogurt shop name sounds either hip hop or sexual or both.  Without further adieu, here are the The Best 11 Frozen Yogurt Shop Names:

11. Mo Gelato– What else can I say? Mo money, mo gelato!

10. Froyo Life– I like frozen yogurt, but I’m not centering my life around it. This sounds like a cult.

9. Yogomonster– Didn’t Godzilla battle the Yogomonster in one of those old black and white movies where they do a terrible job of dubbing the English over the Japanese?

8. Spoon Me– I’d like to suggest a possible tag line: Yogurt so good you’ll want to cuddle after.

7. Yo Sweets– this is how I call my wife from the other room when I’m feelin’ all hip hop and whatnot.

6. Yo Mama!– Brilliant name but it probably results in a lot of fights. Wife: “Honey, why are you late? Where were you?”  Husband: “Yo Mama!”

5. 16 Handles– It would be awesome if Molly Ringwald owned one of these franchises. Actually, Anthony Michael Hall’s acting career is going so well he’s probably working at one of these.

4. Flavaboom– Just a cool name. I imagine the yogurt lackey throwing a handful of sprinkles on my yogurt and yelling, “Here it is! I’m bringin’ the Flavaboom!” Obviously he times the boom to coincide with the sprinkles hitting my yogurt.

3. YoliciousThis sounds like a great compliment. “Damn girl you are looking yolicious!”  This is in fact my pet name for my wife and I included it here so all our friends will now call her that.

2. Big Gay Ice Cream Shop– You’d think I picked this place for inclusion on the list because of the name. Nope, it’s because of a menu item. They have a sundae called “The Salty Pimp.” I’d go there just to order this.

1. Yolickity– This is either going to be my rap name or a hip-hop porn movie.

Lastly, I know that Robbie Van Winkle is all busy with his home rehab reality  show, but how does that guy not own a frozen yogurt shop called Vanilla Ice?

Vanilla Ice

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor, or like frozen yogurt feel free to share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

If There’s a Problem Yo I’ll Solve It… with frozen yogurt? The 11 Best Frozen Yogurt Shop Names

I don’t know about you, but where I live you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a frozen yogurt shop anymore. Apparently somewhere someone published a study indicating there was a frozen yogurt shortage. I have nothing against frozen yogurt or the shop owners, but sadly, no matter how creative they are with their shop names there are just too many and at least half will be out of business in two years. That will be a loss to society if only because we will miss out on the creative genius of the people naming these shops.

Yogurt Shop Design and Branding

Hilariously, every frozen yogurt shop name sounds either hip hop or sexual or both.  Without further adieu, here are the The Best 11 Frozen Yogurt Shop Names:

11. Mo Gelato– What else can I say? Mo money, mo gelato!

10. Froyo Life– I like frozen yogurt, but I’m not centering my life around it. This sounds like a cult.

9. Yogomonster– Didn’t Godzilla battle the Yogomonster in one of those old black and white movies where they do a terrible job of dubbing the English over the Japanese?

8. Spoon Me– I’d like to suggest a possible tag line: Yogurt so good you’ll want to cuddle after.

7. Yo Sweets– this is how I call my wife from the other room when I’m feelin’ all hip hop and whatnot.

6. Yo Mama!– Brilliant name but it probably results in a lot of fights. Wife: “Honey, why are you late? Where were you?”  Husband: “Yo Mama!”

5. 16 Handles– It would be awesome if Molly Ringwald owned one of these franchises. Actually, Anthony Michael Hall’s acting career is going so well he’s probably working at one of these.

4. Flavaboom– Just a cool name. I imagine the yogurt lackey throwing a handful of sprinkles on my yogurt and yelling, “Here it is! I’m bringin’ the Flavaboom!” Obviously he times the boom to coincide with the sprinkles hitting my yogurt.

3. YoliciousThis sounds like a great compliment. “Damn girl you are looking yolicious!”  This is in fact my pet name for my wife and I included it here so all our friends will now call her that.

2. Big Gay Ice Cream Shop– You’d think I picked this place for inclusion on the list because of the name. Nope, it’s because of a menu item. They have a sundae called “The Salty Pimp.” I’d go there just to order this.

1. Yolickity– This is either going to be my rap name or a hip-hop porn movie.

Lastly, I know that Robbie Van Winkle is all busy with his home rehab reality  show, but how does that guy not own a frozen yogurt shop called Vanilla Ice? As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor  please hit the Facebook, Twitter or other share button below. Have a great weekend!

Vanilla Ice