Tag Archives: Throwback Thursdays

TBT! Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas

Posted on September 10, 2015 | 6 comments

This is one of my favorite posts from 2011. I wrote it after visiting Barcelona and I’m reposting it today because two of my WordPress friends, Suzie Speaks and Anita and Richard of No Particular Place to Go are visiting Barcelona this week. After reading this, go visit their blogs for some absolutely spectacular pictures of an incredible city, (where apparently there was a blog conference that I wasn’t invited to).

Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas! (09/20/2011)

Believe it or not, TSA allowed me on a flight to Europe last week. I think they were hoping I only had a one way ticket because I definitely had an easier time getting out of the U.S. than back into it. My job took me to Spain and I managed not to get into a fight with any one from any country. Apparently The Phil Factor is universally adored.

The trip however, was an education.

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1. Europeans are not afraid of lung cancer. How cool is that? In the long run that isn’t a bad thing either because it will result in fewer Europeans. Apparently word that cigarettes are bad for you hasn’t reached Europe yet. The Europeans love their cigs just about anytime of day anyplace they are no matter what they’re doing. The world class hotel I stayed in even had an entire floor of rooms set aside for smokers. Fortunately although I am not a smoker, I was graciously placed on the smoking floor so that I could enjoy the wonderful European ambience.

2. Europeans aren’t afraid of skin cancer either. Based on my observations I think  Europeans are in better physical shape than Americans and they are damn proud of it, especially at the beach in front of my hotel where clothing was optional. Unfortunately much of their pride in their bodies was sadly overestimated by the owners of many of those bodies. There needs to be an upper age limit imposed for beach nudity. And the dudes over there seriously love their Speedos. I saw a guy jogging in a Speedo, and he was smoking at the same time.

3. 9 o’clock is the new 4 o’clock: I think I figured out why the Europeans are in better shape than we are. They eat at weird times. They don’t lunch until about 2 pm and dinner until 9 or 10 pm. If I had to wait until 10 pm for my dinner, most days I would either pass out from low blood sugar or just plain fall asleep and miss the meal altogether.

View from my hotel when I was there

View from my hotel when I was there

4. The Euro rocks: The American dollar may buy less and less these days, but the Euro is awesome. One Euro is like $40 American! Do you know how many Speedos you can buy with a Euro? Me neither. I swear.  Apparently all the Europeans spend their Euro’s on Speedos, cigs and Vespas.

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to travel to far away exotic lands through the power of reading you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor.

 

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays, travel, Uncategorized

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TBT! Vermont: The Liechtenstein of North America!

Posted on August 27, 2015 | 9 comments

Vermont is one of the politically and socially weirdest states in the union so how could I not make fun of it? Had I known last year that their Senator was going to run for President I would have included him. Of course last year I wasn’t entirely sure if Vermont had Senators. Quick, can anyone name the other one?

(8/23/2014) Aaah….Vermont! The lush rolling hills of green, home of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and….and….Well, I guess there really isn’t anything else.

Picture credit:someecards

Oh, sorry, there is more in Vermont. There’s more cows and maple trees than there are people. The prideful Vermonter will of course remind you that there is skiing and snowboarding on all their wonderful mountains. Of course there’s skiing and snowboarding! It’s winter ten months out of the year. In the northern part of Vermont, which might as well be Canada, there’s still snow on the tops of mountains now! Actually, we did try to give away the northern part of Vermont to Canada once but the Canucks said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me?” Well, they said it in a little Frenchy accent. (Memo to self: Write a Phil Factor about Canada’s weirdness)

Actually, the idea that the United States would give away Vermont isn’t that far fetched. Vermont was once it’s own independent country for 14 years. It’s the Liechtenstein of North America. That ought to be their state motto. Instead their state motto is “Freedom and Unity” because they’re never sure if they want to secede from the union or admit that they’re just the other half of New Hampshire.

Picture credit: popculturetees.com

Picture credit: popculturetees.com

And they’re not even the good half! Vermont is the only New England state that doesn’t have an inch of beachfront property on the Atlantic.

Vermont is an ironic state too. Maybe they meant to be funny when they did this, but the state has no law against public nudity. One small city does, but in the rest of the state you can go anywhere you want buck ass nekkid! It’s ironic that it’s always too cold there to be naked outside and ironically, there aren’t a whole lot of Vermonters you’d want to see naked due to the amount of dairy products and maple syrup that the state consumes. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Diabetic Capitol of The World Since 1791!

I wasn’t kidding about the cows. They’re everywhere. There’s so many that Vermont uses their waste to create energy from the methane gas. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Powered by Poop!

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Oh yeah, see all that empty space behind Maria Von Trapp? That’s Vermont. At the end of the movie when the Von Trapps escaped the Nazis they fled to Vermont. I kid you not. The Von Trapp Family Lodge is still there. (That’s really the link. Somehow Maria was smart enough to purchase the domain name 60 years ago.) The Nazis, who used to be world champs at holding a grudge, were going to pursue the Von Trapps but when they heard they settled in Vermont they said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me? That’s punishment enough.”

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it with your favorite Vermonter by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Be sure to come back Saturday morning for…well…hopefully something funny that I’ll think of by then. (suggestions are always welcome)  ~Phil

 

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays, travel

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Throwback Thursday! Hotel Hell

Posted on August 20, 2015 | 7 comments

(o8/16/14) Before you read the rest of this post I want you to know that I love staying in hotels. The room is always clean. You leave and come back and someone has made your bed. For these two things alone I would live in a hotel for the rest of my life if that were possible. But there are a few things that bug me…

Picture credit: driveaccord.net

Picture credit: driveaccord.net

Mandatory Valet Parking: I’m not worried about valet’s taking my car for joyrides like in Ferris Bueller. It’s not that great of a car.  I wish I went to a hotel with valets that cool. A hotel I occasionally have to stay at has mandatory valet parking. They are absolutely fanatical about it. The hotel feels the need to have full control of my vehicle, as if their parking garage is some sort of super secret military installation. I can see the lot where they’re going to put my car. It’s not a long walk and I’d prefer to just park it myself and walk in. That, however, is not an option. Neither is them handing over your keys if you need to go get something from your own car.  First the valet offered to go to my car and get what I needed. When I said I’d rather go rummage through my car myself they grudgingly allowed me to handle my own keys, but had a valet accompany me to my car to allegedly make sure I didn’t get myself run over. I think they’re hiding something. Maybe prostitutes turning tricks in my car during the night? He quickly took my keys back, probably to prevent me from seeing what they’re hiding, or from driving anywhere without tipping him. The next morning I wanted to put some things in my car before going to a meeting in the hotel. Guess what? This valet was so insistent about not giving up the keys that I gave up and just told him to throw it in the back seat. If I got my car back and they had converted it, adding all sorts of James Bond type modifications I’d be cool with that, but that never happens. It’s still the same crappy little car I brought there and I had to tip them for not letting me touch my own car for two days.

Picture credit: blog.memberclicks.com

Picture credit: blog.memberclicks.com

The Elevator People: These people are so annoying that this post was almost completely about them. The Elevator People are those people who just cannot relax about the elevator. If you’re standing with them waiting for an elevator they’re hitting the button repeatedly, like an angry woodpecker on Red Bull, until the elevator arrives. I imagine that if they’re in the elevator they pace furiously back and forth like a caged lion. They’re even more annoying if you’re in the elevator they want to get into. They wait in front of the elevator on their toes, ready to launch themselves into the metal box the moment those doors slide open. If you’re inside the elevator when it opens and you start to walk out you’re suddenly face to face with one of these tightly wound creatures because they had to charge into the elevator, never imagining that anyone might be inside. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law making it perfectly legal to punch these people right in the forehead if they attempt to enter the elevator before you’ve gotten out. Hey ladies, imagine if your guy was like this about sex. Just pushing the button over and over until the doors open and then rushing in immediately. Oh wait, we are like that.

The receipt under the door: Most hotels now have elves that sneak around in the dark of night to slip your receipt under your door while you sleep. I find that kind of creepy. Just leave me the hell alone while I’m sleeping! I don’t want to know that a stranger is lurking outside my door. This past hotel stay there was apparently a tremendous thunderstorm during the night that woke my co-workers. Not me. I slept straight through until…until I heard a what sounded like pack of monkeys foraging for food outside my door. From the time and noise it took I was certain that the monkeys, with banshee-like intensity, had dis-assembled the Sunday New York Times and page by page, crumpled it up and forced it under my door. In the morning, there were no monkeys, just my crumpled receipt and that vague feeling that I hadn’t slept well.

I hope you enjoyed your stay at The Phil Factor. I’ll have the valet pull your car up. As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

 

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays

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Throwback Thursday! Winning!

Posted on July 30, 2015 | 2 comments

This is an awesome classic Phil Factor post from March of 2011. Remember when Charlie Sheen went nuts?

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(March 5, 2011)  Charlie Sheen. There I said it. Then again, who hasn’t uttered the words “Charlie Sheen” over the past two weeks? He says he’s “winning” while the rest of the world seems to think he’s losing it. What exactly is it that he’s losing? Ok, he may lose 2 1/2 Men, but frankly that isn’t much of a loss for anyone except Ducky and the homely teenage actor who both likely won’t find too many employment offers that don’t include a name tag and paper hat. Instead of canceling the show the producers are idiots not to incorporate Wild Thing’s latest trials and tribulations into the plot. This past week’s re-run was the highest rated show on Monday night. Idiots were watching as if Charlie Sheen was going to do something nutty.  Why not have his character go on a bender? Don’t even script it. Just buy Charlie some drugs and follow him with cameras. Make it a reality show. CBS thought the scripted show had good ratings? They could cancel all other programming and just follow Charlie 24/7 live. We’d be afraid to look away for fear that we’d miss something.

Everyone also seems to think Charlie has gone crazy. As the old saying goes, I think he’s crazy like a fox. Which is the network most likely to air his reality show. Are you kidding? There isn’t an actor or actress in the world who isn’t jealous of the 24/7 publicity Sheen is getting. Sirius satellite radio has temporarily set up a Charlie Sheen channel, Tiger Blood radio. He has more Twitter followers than any human being on the planet, and he got them all this week. I have four. (If I go on a binge and post the word “winning” on Facebook every day will you follow me?) Sheen’s agent is probably overwhelmed with offers for tv and movies right now. Imagine the redemption story! “Charlie Sheen back from the brink!” I think he knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s brilliant. If he’s high on the drug “Charlie Sheen”, I gotta get me some of that.

There you go. A classic throwback post that didn’t make it into Fifty Shades of Phil. Who else here was blogging in 2011? What? No hands? Remember on How I Met Your Mother when Barney would occasionally say, “This is so going on my blog!”? Yeah, I was blogging before him too. I’m a total blogging badass, for what that’s worth. So far nothing, but I’m hoping for some kind of blogging Hall of Fame or Lifetime Achievement Award. Anyway, have a great Thursday! ~Phil

 

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Posted in Humor, pop culture, television

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Throwback Thursday! Two People I Hate

Posted on June 18, 2015 | 16 comments

(June 21, 2014) Typically I’m all about suffering fools gladly because I am so wise. Today, not so much. Well, not so much the suffering fools part I mean. Of course I’m still wise. That’s why you read my blog right? The Phil Factor: Where Wisdom Gets Drunk and Let’s Its Hair Down. Here are two people that I hate with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.

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No ice guy: Hey, everyone who goes to a fast food joint or restaurant and orders your beverage with “No ice please”, what is wrong with you? If you’re at a fast food restaurant a drink is so large that it could douse the sun. Do you really need the extra three ounces of sugar water that saying “No ice please!” gives you? If you’re doing it to save money so you don’t have to buy another beverage when you finish that one then you probably shouldn’t be eating out in the first place. Others may site some mythical internet rumor stating that restaurant ice is full of germs. Hey guess what? The whole world is full of germs! If you hide from germs your body won’t develop an immunity to them and when you do get exposed you’ll get sick.  Don’t fear germs, embrace them!

picture credit: justalittlenutty.com

picture credit: justalittlenutty.com

Supermarket check writer: This mostly applies to old people who haven’t learned about these new fangled debit and credit cards everyone’s been raving about for thirty years. You know what? I don’t care if you use a check. What is a big deal is when the person in line in front of me is using a check but seems to have no idea that the cashier is going to ask for payment. Look, using a check is a pre-meditated act. If you know you’re going to a store and you’re going to write a check, fill in the name of the store, today’s date, and oh..I don’t know, maybe your own freakin’ name! And for the sake of all that is good in this world do not stand at the register entering the amount in your Little House on the Prairie check register as meticulously as if God had come down from the heavens and given you the amount to inscribe on a stone tablet. You only get so much time on this Earth. Is writing checks how you want to spend it? If it’s just your own time you’re wasting, I don’t care. Write a hundred checks! If I’m in line behind you, you’re now wasting my time. This is why it’s not a good idea to have guns and ammunition available as “impulse buy” items at the check out. Hell, I’d probably have time to register the gun and pass the background check while someone is filling out a check.

So who, or what gets under your skin?As always, if you enjoyed my little rant feel free to comment and share by the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~ Phil

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays, Uncategorized

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TBT: Zombies Are Here? Never Fear!

Posted on May 21, 2015 | 4 comments

I wrote this a year ago when I had half as many readers. If you didn’t read it before, read it now. It’s really funny.

zombie-pictures-21

(05/17/2014) CNN reported this week that the United States government has developed a “zombie preparedness plan”. It includes getting them all signed up for Obamacare by the end of the month. (I should probably just quit now. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be the best joke in this whole thing.)

CNN revealed that the government plan, titled CONPLAN 8888, was developed as a training tool and is not intended to be a serious attempt to plan for a world wide zombie invasion.  Well why the hell not? If our government, which is paid by our taxes, is going to develop a zombie preparedness plan I want a real plan, not an elaborate joke. You can’t tell me that if a presidential candidate said he was going to have a a plan in place to defend us from a zombie apocalypse, we wouldn’t elect him or her in a landslide. Heck, if a zombie ran for president we’d elect him. We elected George Bush didn’t we? Both of them.

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Here is an actual segment from the document: “This plan’s offensive branch (within Annex C) and Annex S (STO) details the neutralization (to render ineffective) of Zombie capabilities by denial, deception disruption, degradation, or destruction.”  First of all, someone in the government obviously is a big fan of alliteration or is a writer from Sesame Street.  “Today’s episode of The Walking Dead is sponsored by the letter D.”

Denial? Really? That’s part of the plan? When confronted by a Zombie how does that play out? “You can’t bite me!” Zombie shakes his head yes. “No you can’t.” Zombie shuffles away.  How about deception? How do you deceive a Zombie? “Hey, umm, you guys, OH MY GOD! LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!” Zombies turn heads and cornered human runs away to safety.  Degradation? We’re going to degrade the Zombies? I’m pretty sure they already feel badly about being dead. Is attacking their self-esteem really going to be effective?  “You may be about to bite me, but you’re ugly and you smell bad!” Zombie then shuffles away and cries silently in the bathroom. It’s like the plan was written by twelve year olds.

Picture credit: www.weheartit.com

Picture credit: http://www.weheartit.com

The plan is very thorough in that it does take into consideration several different kinds of Zombies that might occur such as: Pathogenic Zombies, Radiation Zombies, Evil Magic Zombies, (which sounds like a great name for a band), Space Zombies, which the document says are likely only to be a threat to “SATCOM services like DirectTV.” If Zombies take out my TV I am really going to be pissed. So pissed that I might even  degrade them. There are also definitions for Weaponized Zombies, Symbiant Induced Zombies, Vegetarian Zombies and Chicken Zombies. The only thing I would worry about is Chicken McNugget Zombies. Would they be better with sweet & sour sauce or barbecue?  Actually, zombie chickens are a real thing. Read this from Fox News in Dec. 2006.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor and want to promote Zombie preparedness please share this like a Pathogenic Zombie virus by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

picture credit: http://www.dumpaday.com and joyreactor.com

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, Throwback Thursdays, Uncategorized, zombies

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TBT! Retirement Advice for President Obama

Posted on March 5, 2015 | 10 comments

(Originally posted 3/1/14) This week all the news programs aired a video of our President and Vice-President jogging around inside the White House in their shirts and ties. The idea of the video is to support Michelle Obama’s “Let’s Move” initiative to fight obesity in the U.S. It’s ironic that to reduce obesity she wants us to sit down to watch a video.

This is just embarrassing. For cripes sake Obama! This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen a President do, and that includes Lewinsky. You’re the leader of the free world, allegedly, and you’re spending time making clownish videos? That’s very Putin-like of you. C’mon! You’re better than that! That’s not what I want to see my President doing. Joe Biden? Sure, make all the lame Youtube videos you want. You’re the V.P. I didn’t even know you were still alive and most Americans confuse you with this ventriloquist dummy:

biden2

That’s why when we saw the video we were surprised to see your legs moving.

President Obama, I’m disappointed in you. Yes, you are the President, but we all know that Michelle wears the pants in the family. We just didn’t know that she was going to make you prance around the White House in them. I don’t want to see that. I want my President to be presidential!

In the past in this space I’ve ranted against President Obama having just a bit too much fun while on the job, but after some time and consideration I think I’ve changed my tune. His term is up in two years and we can’t vote him out, so why shouldn’t he have some fun? Heck, look at all the fun Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is having? Once that guy got into office he went full on Charlie Sheen and he’s still got his job.

President Obama, here is what I’m proposing you do. Turn over the reins to Joe Biden. He’s done nothing of note for six years. Give him a little thrill. It’ll be the high point of his life.  Then you go on a farewell tour like pro athletes do when they announce their retirement. Hell, if you’re already sitting around the White House making goofy videos you might as well be retired.

No, wait, even better. Barack, you know what I think you need? A road trip. No, not the kind you take as President with a full security detail,  but the kind where you just hop in a car with, oh, I don’t know, maybe a random blogger, and just take off.  I’m serious. You probably haven’t gotten drunk in years. I’ll be your designated driver. I’ll just pull up outside the White House late after Michelle is asleep, throw a pebble at your window, you climb out, run across the lawn, hop the fence and we’ll be off to destinations the CIA won’t be able to find you in. I’ll introduce you to the ladies as my cousin Barry. Maybe we’ll hit Spring Break in Miami or something.  (Hey everybody, just for fun click the CIA link up there.)

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by Facebook, Twitter or re-blog. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Picture credit: pichore.com

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Throwback Thursdays! Groundhog Day

Posted on January 29, 2015 | 6 comments

In case you didn’t know, it’s Groundhog’s Day this Sunday. Who doesn’t love this movie?  Especially since Bill Murray’s character was named Phil. Coincidence? I think not. This post was originally written for #ThePhilFactor on Feb. 2, 2006.

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(Feb. 2, 2006) Last week I waxed philosophic about the idiocy known as The Dr. Phil Show. This week, and today in particular it’s Punxsutawney Phil. Groundhog Day the movie: Good idea. Groundhog Day the tradition: Stupid idea. The dimwitted people of Punxsatawney, Pennsylvannia have been shoving a rodent through a hole in a tree stump for almost 200 hundred years to find out if there will be 6 more weeks of winter. Hey morons, you live in the Northeast! There’s always 6 more weeks of winter! Check the calendar! It says that Spring starts on March 21st. That’s 7 weeks from now. You don’t need a rat being spooked by his shadow to figure this one out. At this point I’m getting tired of all these wanna-be Phil’s trying to horn in on my fame. If, coincidentally, a shot were to ring out in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania today and a certain rodent were to explode in a puff of fur, I was kidding when I wrote this. No harm meant, just a joke. You’ll all be my alibi right?

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I’m curious, for those of you from other countries, do you have a Groundhog Day? Speaking of Bill Murray, they announced that they’re making a new Ghostbusters movie with an all female cast including Melissa McCarthy and Kristin Wiig.  What do you think about that idea? I’m betting Bill Murray makes a cameo and I hope they keep the original song.  As always, if you enjoyed this vintage Phil Factor feel free to share it via the social media buttons below. Come back Saturday for a brand new Phil Factor. Have a great Thursday!  ~Phil

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays

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TBT: You Down with EBB? (Everything BUT Bieber)

Posted on January 22, 2015 | 1 comment

(First posted 1/25/2014) Hey everybody, guess what? Other stuff happened in the world this week besides #JustinBieber’s arrest. No, seriously, the rest of the world kept going and did their own thing. I know, shocking, right? It’s probably also a shock to the Biebs that the world didn’t stop for him.

President Obama Endorses Marijuana?

obama-weed

In what I consider a colossal lack of good judgement, President Barack Obama seemed to support the legalization of recreational marijuana. “I don’t think it is more dangerous than alcohol,” the President told The New Yorker’s David Remnick in a lengthy profile published on Sunday. President Obama went on to admit openly to his use when he was younger and said that it’s “a bad habit and a vice, not very different from the cigarettes that I smoked as a young person up through a big chunk of my adult life”.

Idiot! I’m not saying whether I agree or disagree with him. I am saying that he just undermined himself as a parent and undermined law enforcement and judges across the nation. Good luck trying to ground your daughters for smoking pot in the West Wing now.

The Stoner Bowl

super bowl

Seattle and Denver will play in the Super Bowl next Sunday. The largest cities in the two states that have legalized recreational marijuana use.  Thank God the game isn’t being played in either one of those states. Can you imagine the enormous cloud of pot smoke over that stadium? I’m pretty sure that if somebody were to measure the Dorito consumption rates by state next Sunday those two would lead the survey by a mile. In Denver I guess the legalization gives new meaning to the phrase “Mile High City.”

Facebook is for “Old” People

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Above the picture I put the word ‘old’ in quotes to make it seem like the old part is being exaggerated by all these news articles saying that kids are leaving Facebook because it’s too full of their parents and their parents friends and relatives.  Of course the kids are leaving Facebook! Every parent I know of demands that their kid “friend” them on Facebook or let them have their password so they can spy on them. Guess what adults who don’t want the NSA reading your texts and e-mails? Yup, you’ve become the NSA to your kids. Jeez! If anyone was that intrusive into any part of our lives we would hide from them too. If you’ve got Facebook stock I recommend selling immediately because the next generation is going to grow up not using Facebook much. Where are the kids going?  Well, don’t tell them I told you, but I’ve been doing some spying and the cool kids are hanging out on Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram. Instagram is starting to get a lot of “old” people creeping in there too, so the kids are probably moving on. BTW, if you’re the parent of a teenager, they’re using Snapchat to send naked pictures to each other, so get that app off their phone, although I’m sure Barack Obama would say it’s ok.

In the links in the previous paragraph please click on the NSA. It’s really their site and I’m sure they love when I link my blog to it. Also, the Twitter link takes you to my Twitter, so feel free to follow me. If you’re not familiar with Snapchat, the link is to an article about it.

As always, you know that sharing is caring, so if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or other social media button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

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Throwback Friday? I Have 3 Problems With The Polar Vortex

Posted on January 9, 2015 | 13 comments

I pushed this by a day due to yesterdays post about the tragedy at Charlie Hebdo. Although this seems to be written for this week, I originally posted it almost exactly a year ago on Jan. 11, 2014.

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So I thought to myself, “Phil, everyone loves cute, whimsical pictures of kittens. If you had a kitten on your blog more people would read it.” Seriously, how many of you saw the picture and said, “Awww!” and clicked on this to read more? Read on my frozen friends because the kitten wasn’t just a trap to lure you into my evil clutches. He’s related to the story. Prior to that sentence I had never thought of myself as having “evil clutches”, but there you go. It’s out there. It’s a thing. What is an evil clutch anyway? A cute little hand bag made by Satan?

This week much of the country was engulfed in the worst cold spell we’ve endured in a while. I have three problems with The Polar Vortex.

Problem Number 1: They named it. In an effort to make their marginalized profession seem more important, meteorologists are naming virtually every weather event so they can grab some headlines. The Polar Vortex does sound like an evil nemesis from Antarctica, which is awesome. (Apparently they couldn’t go with Mr. Freeze because the Batman franchise had that trademarked) But seriously, do we need to give every gust of wind and downpour a name? It used to be just hurricanes, but now every tropical storm, typhoon, and cold snap gets a name. I want a job on the committee that comes up with those names. How fun would that be? I’m also disappointed that not one weather forecast brought out the Snow Miser video.

Problem Number 2: People in  warm states freaking out. Seriously everybody, it is just cold air. Zip up your coat and go to work. Maybe put on a hat, like the kitten in the picture.

Problem Number 3: The idiots. Some science geeks suggested that for fun people boil water, go outside when the temperature is at least 50 below zero Fahrenheit (about -46 for my Celsius friends) and throw that water in the air to observe it turning into snow before it hits the ground. Pretty cool idea right? Yes it is pretty cool, unless you’re one of the idiots who said to themselves, “It’s only 17 below but I’ll try it anyway.” For those idiots it was pretty hot when the wind blew scalding water back in their face and these idiots filled emergency rooms to have their burns treated.

Doing my extensive scientific research for this column I did come across a video of actress Vanessa Hudgens actually performing this experiment successfully but I chose to go with the picture of the kitten. You’re welcome.

Before you go though, I need your help. For my next interview I have a rising star in the world of magic. If you could ask a magician one question, what would it be? Leave suggestions in the comments.  As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor I would love it if you would hit the Facebook, Twitter or Google+ share button below. Have a great Saturday! ~ Phil

picture credit: chud.com

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Posted in Current Events, Throwback Thursdays

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