You know the routine. In the comments tell me which quotes you think belong to Donald Trump and which belong to Kanye West.
10. “I’m too busy writing history to read it.”
9. “When you’re the absolute best you get hated the most.”
8. “…we build a school, we build a road, they blow up the school, we build another school, we build another road, they blow them up, we build again. In the meantime we can’t get a fucking school in Brooklyn.”
Next week do I go with Donald Trump vs. Shrek quotes?
7. “I have millions of ideas and I represent a new generation just trying to express themselves in a broken world. I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade. I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.”
6. “You know what, Trump is doing a much better job than the Democrats did.”
5. “I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.”
4. “I am not a fan of books. I would never want a book’s autograph. I am a proud non-reader of books.”
3.“I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.”
2. “When you hear about slavery for 400 years…For 400 years? That sounds like a choice.”
1. “It’s really cold outside, they are calling it a major freeze, weeks ahead of normal. Man, we could use a big fat dose of global warming!”
There you go. Can you pick which quotes are Donald Trump and which are Kanye West? Have a great Saturday! ~Phil
(Feb. 20, 2016) “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove doubt” ~attributed to either Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain.
Just like Kanye Worst, I break the rules. In this case I broke my own rules against torturing people with GIFs, but Kanye is so horrible that I had to do something equally horrible. If any human has ever embodied the Abe Lincoln/Mark Twain quote better than Kanye Worst, I have no idea who it is, although Donald Trump is gaining fast.
Apparently last week was Kanye Worst Week and nobody told me. I don’t think anyone told Kanye either, he just forced himself upon the public consciousness whether we wanted it or not. We didn’t.
Let’s review the last week in the life of Kanye Worst”
Feb. 10: At an album release party/fashion show in NYC he announced that he’s creating a video game about his late mother “traveling through the gates of heaven.” If Kanye Worst makes a video game it should be called Call of Doody.
Feb. 11: He rented out Madison Square Garden and stocked it with 700 models to promote his clothing line and release his new album at the same time. A line from one of his songs says, “I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / I made that bitch famous.” I assume he’s talking about Taylor Swift, with whom he has an ongoing public feud, and not me. I hope.
Feb.13: Kanye Worst was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live, of whom he once said in a song in 2010, “Fuck SNL and the whole cast / tell ‘em Yeezy said they can kiss my whole ass.” At least it rhymed.
Feb. 13: Tweeted that he’s $53 million in debt.
Feb. 14: Used Twitter to ask Facebook owner Mark Zuckerberg to invest a billion dollars in him. Hey Kanye, maybe next time you want money from Facebook you should try sending a Facebook message.
Feb. 14: At the Grammy Awards, where Taylor Swift won one and Kanye Worst did not, again, Taylor Swift took a shot at Kanye by saying, “there are going to be people along the way who are going to try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame,”
Ok, I’m only four days into the last week of Kanye Worst’s life and I’m tired of him already. You’re getting the gist though, right? He’s been a busy asshat. But at least he’s consistent. Here’s some more of his “hijinks”
2004: Stormed out of the American Music Awards after another artist won the Best New Artist award.
2005: During a live televised fundraising concert for Hurricane Katrina, Kanye Worst took the stage with comedian/actor Mike Myers and went completely off script on a one minute rant about the media’s portrayal of African-American survivors of the tragedy and concluded by saying “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
2006: At the MTV Europe Music Awards he crashed the stage and launched into a profanity laced rant after someone else won the Best Hip Hop Artist Award.
2009: Interrupted Taylor Swift on stage who was accepting her MTV Music Award for best video to rant that Beyonce’ deserved the award.
2013: Named his daughter North West.
Seriously, who has a problem with Taylor Swift? That’s like hating Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I so wish I had the time and patience to take a picture of Dorothy and the Wicked Witch of the West and photoshop Taylor and Kaye’s heads into it. Picture that and laugh to yourself.
2018 update: And on May 1 of 2018 while visiting TMZ headquarters Kanye referred to “400 years of slavery” as a “choice.”
You’ve got to give the man credit for consistency though. He’s dedicated. That’s over a decade of being a public nutjob. I can’t really say that he’s the worst human being ever because there’s still Bill Cosby and serial killers, but Kanye is definitely climbing that list. I believe that he has earned the name Kanye Worst. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, Kanye will probably storm the stage and protest, but after that I will officially change his name on all legal documents to Kanye Worst, and I will decree that in the dictionary next to the word asshat there will be a picture of him.
Ironically, Kanye Worst himself would probably be proud of a rant like this. Kanye, if you’ve got a problem with me feel free to tweet me. Maybe I’ll give you that billion. Have a great Thursday everybody! ~Phil
Self-proclaimed grand poobah of leisure and author of humorous suspense novels The Sneaker Tree & White Picket Prisons, the humor essay book Fifty Shades of Phil and the long running blog The Phil Factor.