Tag Archives: Throwback Thursdays

Throwback Thursday! The Top Ten Benefits To Being Edward Snowden

Posted on June 26, 2014 | 7 comments

Remember last year when this guy was on TV every day?

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Originally posted on 06/29/2013

10. I’ve been busting my ass writing #ThePhilFactor for 8 years and publishing my own books. Snowden lets a couple secrets out of the bag and I’ll bet he’s already got a lucrative book deal lined up.

9. You know how you can save 15% or more on your car insurance with Geico? Eddie always gets the more.

8. Apparently Team Edward wins.

7. He gets to watch The Terminal but with Russian subtitles.

6.  According to NBC World News there’s a TGI Fridays and an Irish pub at the Moscow airport. Free wifi too! Are you kidding me? That’s my dream come true. I’d never leave there. I wish I had some secrets to spill.

5. Apparently Edward Snowden has only had one picture taken of him in his entire life. This is his baby picture.

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4. Edward Snowden’s girlfriend:

picture credit: dailycaller.com

picture credit: dailycaller.com

Seriously, how does Eddie score a chick like this? I bet he used his e-mail and cell phone surveillance tools to get some dirt on her. But what’s the deal with the sea turtle? She looks a little crazy to me.

3. Free security pats downs as often as he wants!

2. Chicks totally dig a bad boy. Two weeks ago he was just a computer nerd but now he’s an international fugitive! If things don’t work out with ‘crazy sea turtle girl’ and she doesn’t stab him in his sleep, he’ll have dates lined up around the block for years to come.

Drum roll please…and the number one benefit to being Edward Snowden is:

1. He gets featured on my blog on the day that I’m launching my new book Fifty Shades of Phil! Seriously, where else is he going to get that kind of free publicity?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below, and check out my humorous books. Especially today buy my hilarious book Fifty Shades of Phil for only $.99.  Even if it’s only for one day I want to out rank every Chelsea Handler book in the Amazon rankings. I hate her.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! Tuesdays with Tanski

Posted on June 5, 2014 | 7 comments

For those of you who think I only make fun of stuff, this is a repost of one of my favorites from last year.

(05/05/2013) Mitch, Mitch, Mitch…what were you thinking? How could it not occur to you to try Mondays with Morrie? People love alliteration. Has my blog title The Phil Factor not taught you anything?

In high school I was on the indoor track team. I know, sexy right? I was good, but not great. I was a skinny, shy teenage boy lacking confidence in my abilities. I didn’t think or believe that I could be great and that thinking limited me. I ran as fast as was comfortable most of the time. Comfortable gets you good, not great. I may not have believed in myself, but one person did.

Chris Tanski was a slightly pudgy, bespectacled Polish man with a knee brace. He didn’t look like he had a single athletic gene in his entire body, but he was our indoor track coach and he worked us harder in practice than anything else I’ve ever done. The best thing about him was that he could see through me, or perhaps that he took the time to see through me. He could see that I had more in me,  even when I couldn’t see it myself.

One of his favorite tactics, when he knew that I wasn’t really pushing myself, was to call me out in front of the whole team in practice. “If Taylor doesn’t do this next lap in sixty seconds, everyone has to do five more.”  I hated him for that. Running, on the verge of tears, and cursing him in my head; there was never a single time that I didn’t get that last lap in the time he wanted me to. He knew. He knew about me what I didn’t know yet.

One of Coach Tanski’s biggest pet peeves with me was how I ran my races. I looked back. As I rounded a turn I’d look back to see if someone was gaining on me. How’s that for a life metaphor huh? As we boarded the bus for the sectional championships he came down the aisle of the bus stopping to offer words of strategy or encouragement to some of us. When he got to my seat he stopped and looked me in the eyes and put his hands on my shoulders. As he spoke both of our eyes welled up.

I’d love to be able to tell you the inspirational words he gave to me that day, but honestly, I don’t remember. What I do remember was the effect his words had on me. That night I ran hard, I ran forward and I never looked back. When my leg of the relay was completed I collapsed on the side of the track, exhausted; every ounce of energy drained from my body.

About thirteen years after that night, in a city 90 miles from where I had run that race, I was sitting in my office in a school for children with emotional and behavioral issues when my phone rang. “Phil, this is Chris Tanski. How have you been?” He was a principal at a nearby high school and had recently referred a student to me. At the end of the conversation he said, “We should go out for a beer and catch up.” I agreed that we should, but never made plans. A couple more times over the year we had similar conversations that ended with the offer to get together over a pint and reminisce. Some time that summer I got the news. Coach Tanski has passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. In the most unfortunate way, I had just learned another life lesson from Coach Tanski and this time there were no more chances to say thank you.

Coach Tanski, if you’re somewhere that gets wi-fi, this blog and the beer pictured below are my way of having that beer with you and saying thanks.

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As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share by the Facebook, Twitter or reblog button below. See you on Saturday for a brand spankin’ new Phil Factor fresh out of the box. ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! Beware The Canadian Twitter Invasion!

Posted on May 22, 2014 | 10 comments

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(05/11/13) About three years ago one of my sons had taken one of those silver permanent markers that are often used for autographs and wrote “Tweetin’ is a Habit” on his guitar case. At the time I remember thinking to myself, Holy crap! What an incredible dork! I didn’t think this because he was a fan of Twitter though. I thought it because he was an incredible dork.

Two or three years ago I signed up for a Twitter account but never really used it. Recently, thanks to my new friend @GregoryGAllen, I have become a Tweeter, or a Twitterer, or is it a Twit? Most would argue that it’s the third, and perhaps always was.

For those of us in the United States, using Twitter is like going to Canada. Like Canada, the Twitter language, customs, and etiquette are almost like ours, but just a little bit off. And there’s no weird money with pictures of geese. Although, I suppose the Twitter bird logo might be a goose. Maybe Twitter is a Canadian plot to bring down the U.S. by slowly distracting our entire workforce little by little until the country comes to a screeching halt and is ready for an invasion by their Dudley Do-Right military force. We’d have to be really distracted for them to invade us with a bunch of red-suited, horse-riding, unarmed soldiers. Did you know that the Canadians have their own internet? That seems kind of suspicious doesn’t it? If you put ca either in front of or behind a web address you can sneak into the Canadian internet. I did this once and found someone mocking the Americans on his sarcastic little Frenchy blog.  Jerk.

I checked the trending topics on the Canadian Twitter and it’s mostly stuff about bacon, maple syrup, hockey and Alex Trebek. You know why I’m certain that the Canadians are out to get us? Justin Bieber. Yup, he’s a Canadian spy sent to the U.S. to distract us. See, the thing is, Canadians aren’t an aggressive bunch. They’re hoping that if enough teens are distracted by Justin Bieber and Drake they’ll ignore their studies and eventually our future society will fall apart and we’ll have to rely on some crazy form of their socialized medicine. Oh wait a minute….

I initially set out to write a funny blog about Twitter and some of the strange abbreviations and terms I’ve had to learn as I’ve gotten up to speed in the Twitterverse, but just like everything else, I was distracted by the Canadians. They are a wily, bewitching bunch aren’t they? Brief fun fact, which I didn’t know until college; my high schools song and the Canadian anthem are sung to the same tune. I’m not sure which came first. Just more evidence that they’re infiltrating our society. Anywho, (which I think is a Canadian saying) if you Tweet and want another Twit you can follow me @ThePhilFactor by clicking the Twitter button up there in the left sidebar. As always, if you even smirked a little as you read this please hit the Facebook and Twitter share buttons below.

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Posted in Humor, Throwback Thursdays, Twitter

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Throwback Thursdays! Skinheads of the Caribbean 05/23/2005

Posted on May 15, 2014 | 4 comments

I was inspired to post this throwback for two reasons. 1) I just returned from a trip much like I did nine years ago when I wrote this post when The Phil Factor was in it’s infancy, and 2) Just the other day the poetic Marissa of Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth wrote a great poem about vacationing with your kids.

Skinheads of the Caribbean 5/23/2005

For the most part I enjoyed all the rides at Disney World and most of the people who rode them with me and my family were well behaved and considerate. I was a little disturbed by the 40-ish woman who went on Splash Mountain alone, sat next to me, and seemed to chuckle at every thing the robotic cartoon characters did.
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In 1976 when my parents took me to Disney World they, for some unknown reason, elected not to take me on Pirates of The Caribbean. Maybe they were fearful I’d run off to join the merry hooligans as they wreaked havoc upon the seven seas. Or maybe they, like most parents, didn’t give a rats ass what their kids want towards the end of 10 hours walking around Disney and just wanted to get back to the hotel bar for a beer. Either way, I’ve spent the last 25 years feeling cheated that I missed out on that ride.

I felt that finally justice would be served as I proudly marched my kids into line for Pirates of The Caribbean. Then I noticed 4 young adults in line in front of me. They were “skinheads.” I say this not just because the three young men had shaved heads. It wasn’t the knee high leather boots they were all wearing that gave away their political leanings. Using my brilliant powers of deductive reasoning I concluded that they were “skinheads” because one of them had a tattoo on the back of his neck. It said, “skinhead.” I’m thinking that you’d better be pretty damn sure about your political affiliation to have it tattooed on your neck. What if in ten years he decides to be a Republican? Nevermind, bad example, the tattoo would still fit. I just never imagined that skinheads would choose Disney World for vacation. Don’t you think they would want to visit Alcatraz or perhaps the jail cell that Mr. Howell locked the Brady’s in when their Grand Canyon trip went awry? Although I don’t agree with the skinheads’ political and social beliefs I do have to say that this group was polite and well behaved, unlike my friend from Pittsburgh.

To read the reference to “my friend from Pittsburgh”, read: The Drunk that Saved Pittsburgh in it’s natural habitat on the original Phil Factor blog.  I was reminded of that particular post on my recent train ride from Paris to London when two drunk forty year olds sat near me. One was so drunk that he was unable to get himself out of his sweatshirt, so the other completely drunk guy tried to help and the next several minutes were amusing to say the least.

Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Throwback Thursday! The Perfect Day Is A Green Day

Posted on April 17, 2014 | 3 comments

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(4/6/13) The day began like any other.  I woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. My work day was uneventful and without stress. At the end of it I was looking forward to seeing my favorite band with my fifteen year old son who has become a fan himself.  As soon as I walked in the door he was eager to go in hopes of procuring a good spot to stand near the stage.

Being an adult male on the wrong side of forty, my desire to stand in line for hours before concerts is several years in the rear view mirror. Being an adult however, I used my super ninja Dad skills to plan when we would get there, where we would park, and which entrance we would use to minimize our wait time and any discomfort I might experience. Unfortunately the universe had gotten wind of my plans and locked the entrance to the arena I had planned to use. My son and I were forced to wait outdoors in the cold for forty minutes without coats. Ugh. Not a good start.

When we did get inside we were pleasantly surprised to weasel our way into a nice spot only fifteen to twenty feet from the stage. After an opening act that appeared to sleep walk through their set list, the arena and it’s 10,000 temporary denizens became quiet. That was when I had two distinctly ‘old man thoughts’ which I’m now embarrassed to admit. First I thought,  ‘After three hours on my feet my back is going to be aching.’  Then very quickly I also thought ‘I’m going to regret not having earplugs.’   After a brief intermission following the opening act our headliner Green Day stormed onto the stage in an explosion of light and sound and my crazy old man thoughts were completely forgotten.

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Green Day has been my favorite band since the early 90’s. This was my fifth time seeing them live. The tour had been delayed by three months while front-man Billie Joe Armstrong was in rehab. Billie Joe took the stage like a man making up for lost time and I’ve never seen their show better. Make no mistake, it is a show. Green Day does not play concerts. They put on shows.

With the frenetic energy of a Tazmanian Devil on Red Bull, Billie Joe seemed to feed off the crowd and the crowd seemed to be drawing energy from Billie Joe. From the first note he seemed to delight in orchestrating the crowd with hand gestures and exhortations. Billie Joe, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool seemed to enjoy our participation as much as we did theirs. It wasn’t as if they were playing music for us so much as they were playing it with us and us with them. From bringing audience members up on stage to sing or play instruments to sitting down and letting their 10,000 back up singers finish a song, the night felt like one big party none of us wanted to leave.

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It wasn’t just great music either. Green Day  puts on a spectacle that goes beyond the mere playing of music. There are enough strobes to wake a coma patient. There’s the zany, costume and kazoo-laden performance of their campy song King for a Day. Then there was Billie Joe first assaulting his eager audience with water from fire department grade hoses. The next weapon in his arsenal was a device that shot streamers of toilet paper far into the crowd. Lastly, when he ran out of Cottonelle, he pulled out the big gun, literally, firing t-shirts all over the arena at all-too-willing targets.

It was a two hour and twenty minute performance that took my breath away. It also took the breath away of bassist Mike Dirnt who could be seen catching his breath between songs during the encore. While he was catching his breath he was also putting his fist to his heart and mouthing Thank you to audience members repeatedly. We expressed our gratitude to the band with our cheers which were as sincere as their thanks.

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As my son and I drove home with our ears still buzzing we talked happily about all of our favorite songs and parts of the show. As I listened to my son I began to reminisce. I realized that I had gone to see my first Green Day  show before my son was born and now we went together. Talk about the circle of life! It brought a happy, little tear to my eye. When I got home I was still too mentally wired from the show to sleep so I grabbed my Kindle, a glass of red wine and, courtesy of Mrs. Phil, the most delicious chocolate cupcake I’ve ever had and I put my feet up and reclined, reading myself to sleep with a smile on my face. The perfect end to a perfect day. A Green Day.

As always, if you enjoy what you read please hit the Facebook ‘Like’ or Share button and by all means, leave comments if you like. What was your favorite concert ever?

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Throwback Thursday! April 3, 2005: The First Phil Factor Ever

Posted on April 3, 2014 | 16 comments

Happy Nine Year Blogiversary to me! That’s right, The Phil Factor turns 9 today. They grow up so quickly don’t they? Does nine years make The Phil Factor the oldest living blog in captivity? Nope. That honor may go to my friend LL Cool Joe who has been writing since 2003.

I know you’re saying to yourself, “But Phil,” which is a strange thing to say to yourself, “if your blog is 9 years old why don’t you have thousands of followers?” Good question. In its 9 years The Phil Factor has been hosted on three different blog services and for a brief time on the website of Perky Jerky, which is jerky infused with an energy drink. They sent me a box of their products and it was delicious. A couple of the years in the middle the posts were few and far between as I wrote for other websites and had some real life going on. The Phil Factor may have been on life support but it never died. Ok, enough self-indulgent blathering. Beneath the picture is the first Phil Factor ever. Embarrassingly it’s about American Idol which, believe it or not, was very popular nine years ago. If you don’t believe that I started blogging 9 years ago just click on the hyperlinked title below to see the first post in it’s natural habitat.

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(4/3/2005) What Up Dawg? Is it just me or is everyone sick of Randy Jackson’s act on American Idol? How many times can we hear, “What up dawg?” Or his other favorite, “It was a little pitchy in spots,” or “It was just ahh ight for me.” The dude is like one of those action figures where you squeeze him and he has three pre-programmed phrases he rotates through. Nearly as bad is Paula Abdul. Has anyone else noticed that this season she seems drunk every week? She loves everyone this season and seems to find an excuse to physically grab Simon Cowell every week. Considering her recent charge of leaving the scene of an accident after she clipped another car on the freeway, how ironic is it that her big 1988 hit song, Straight Up, included the line “caught in a hit and run”?

Well, that’s it. I chose to introduce myself to the world by commenting on American Idol. Looking at my stats on my old blog, that post got two views. Chances are they were both me. Have a great Thursday and thanks for reading ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! Cell Phone People (5/15/2005)

Posted on March 27, 2014 | 4 comments

This was one of my earliest Phil Factor posts and became a recurrent theme when my blog was hosted on Blogger. Keep in mind that this post is NINE years old and smart phones didn’t exist yet when I wrote this.

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(May 5, 2005)  Yes, we all have cell phones, but some people use them differently than others. There are those of us who have our cell phones and use them occasionally if we are going to be away from a land line for a while. That’s fine with me. Then there are those who use their cell phones as if they’re on some organ donor transplant recipient list and every call could save their lives. But of course these dolts are never on a transplant list. They also seem to think that because they’re on the phone no one but the person they’re talking with can hear them. And apparently the person on the other side of their phone call is always deaf because the cell phone people are always talking really loudly. Usually their conversations involve the trials and tribulations of their trivial little lives. “So then he tells me that he can’t go to my cousins wedding with me because he already made plans with his friend. You know what the plans are? I found out from his friends’ sisters’ roommate that they’re taking Carl to a strip club in Canada for his birthday.”

I especially hate the cell phone people who are on their cell phones at work. They’re walking around a building in which they have an office with a desk with a real phone right there. What the hell is so important that you can’t wait until you’ve walked to the other end of the hall to make that call? Or how about when you’re in line at a store and the cashier is on the phone with her friend? I always make sure to ask some inane question just to interrupt. How about the people who walk around all day with the hands free headset on whether they’re actually on a call or not. Look, unless you’re a pilot, an air traffic controller or the kid at the McDonald’s drive thru window there is no freakin’ reason you need to be wearing a headset. Take it off. We’re not impressed. There is nothing in your life that important and everyone else already knows it.

To all you cell phone people I would just like to say that I hope the rumors of cell phone caused brain tumors are true. I’d love to see an MRI of one of these dopes heads. It would be hysterical to see a cell phone shaped tumor right there wouldn’t it?

Starting next week I’m going to post more recent throwbacks, from my last 12 months on Thursdays since I’ve been on WordPress. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! I’m on The Pill !

Posted on March 20, 2014 | 6 comments

This was originally published on The Phil Factor on Dec. 6, 2006. It is based on a real news article I read at the time. Obviously the idea never caught on.

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Ok, I’m not on the pill, but the important thing is, I could be. Scientists have reportedly finished developing a birth control pill for men. This development may completely revolutionize dating. I imagine that unless I was near death it would be impossible to get in to see my doctor right now because of the number of men clamoring to get a prescription for “the pill.” I’m sure most women are thinking, “No thanks. Are you expecting us to trust men to remember to take a pill every day when they can’t even remember to call us the next day?” On behalf of all men I would like to respond to women’s skepticism by saying, “Of course you can trust us to take the pill! This is important!”

At the risk of being ostracized by my fellow men, allow me to enlighten women about how the male mind works. There are two things that motivate us. Two primal instincts that are hardwired into our brain. We like sex, and we like really cool toys, especially if they’re loud, go fast, or blow things up. We like our sex that way too. The difference between those two things however is equal to the difference between…hmm…let me think of how to put this into terms that women will understand. The difference between our love of cool toys and gadgets and our love of sex is like the difference between getting a new blender for your anniversary or getting a dozen long stemmed, red roses, a box of Godiva Chocolates and a diamond necklace for your anniversary while you’re out for dinner at a nice restaurant drinking magaritas. My point is, nothing motivates men more than sex. If taking a pill every day increases our chances of having sex, then you can bet we would remember to take that pill before we remembered to feed ourselves. Or breathe.

Many times you see women shy and demure around men when it comes to discussing birth control as if it is an embarrassment to consider planning ahead for the possibility of sex.  In the past when a single night, or relationship was progressing to the point where birth control becomes relevant a usually awkward conversation ensues. “Umm..do you got something?” “Uh..no, do you?” With the new male birth control pill that uncomfortable moment with be gone forever. Also gone will be lame pick-up lines. Men everywhere will just approach women and say, “Hi! I’m on the pill!” If men have anything to do with the marketing of the new male birth control pill each prescription will come with a t-shirt that says just that. Who I feel sorry for is the young women with unresolved father issues. Take a middle aged man, add the pill and an erectile dysfunction medication that may cause them to last several hours and these poor young women searching for a replacement for daddy’s lack of attention when they were young won’t have a chance to catch their breath.

Also, much the way that programs on Lifetime and The Oxygen Network are filled with commercial breaks espousing the wonders of wings and plastic applicators, mens’ sports programming will soon contain only ads for The Pill and beer.  In fact, the ads will probably show men taking their pill and washing it down with a cold, refreshing, amber beverage made with crystal clear water taken from mountain streams. The ads will also probably show a lot of scantily clad women. That’s generally a given regardless of the product.

Don’t worry guys, you still have hope. Before publishing this Throwback Thursday edition I did Google “male birth control pill” and it appears there are several companies out there still trying to develop one. If you click that hyperlinked Google it will take you right to the list of articles. Please do because that will also help my Google rank.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Come back Saturday for an all new Phil Factor that I have no ideas for yet. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! Daylight Stupid Time

Posted on March 6, 2014 | 4 comments

This is my bi-annual reminder that this Saturday we move our clocks forward by an hour and my reminder that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this since 2006 and will continue to do so until we do away with Daylight Savings Time.

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When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if other countries do this.  I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Daylight Savings Time was created about 100 years ago to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but about 6 or 7 years ago the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end. First off, why isn’t it called daylight spending time since we are using more daylight in the summer months? Secondly, at this point the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) all have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 100 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me. Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks ahead an hour now but we turn them back in the Fall, over the course of a year what difference does it make? If we learned anthying from Marty McFly it was that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks. So where’s the problem? That sounds like natural selection at work!

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change. If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook Like or Share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend.

Have a great day! ~Phil

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Throwback Thursdays! The Everyday Oscars

Posted on February 27, 2014 | 2 comments

This post serves two purposes. First, I post this every year around Oscar time and second it’s an excerpt from my book Fifty Shades of Phil which is available for your Kindle, Nook, or iPad for only 99 cents! It was first posted on The Phil Factor so long ago that I couldn’t find the original post.

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Well, it’s happened again. I was passed over. Not a single Oscar nomination. The whole process is completely biased against people like me. Ok, I know that there aren’t really other people like me, but that does not excuse the Hollywood establishments prejudice against me. The Oscars have been handed out longer than I’ve been alive, but not once have I been awarded a gold, phallic statuette. Just because I’m not some kiss-ass Hollywood insider who’s made a movie in the past year, they completely overlook my accomplishments!

It is because of this snub that I refuse to attend the awards ceremony. I do have Oscar-worthy acting talent. So do many of you. Just because our skills don’t appear on the big screen doesn’t mean our talents should go unappreciated! To recognize the acting achievements of everyone like me, I hereby introduce The First Annual Everyday Oscar Awards! I imagine the awards ceremony will go something like this:

MC Phil: “The Everyday Oscar for Best Performance in The Workplace goes to… (fumbling with envelope)… Mark Bingham for his role in “The Overdue Report!” (video clip begins to roll on the monitor).

Mark: “Yes Mr. Whalen, I knew that report was due this morning. I was about to forward it to you when I got the call that my grandmother, the woman who raised me after my parents died, was in a car accident.”

Mr. Whalen: “Is that a Hooters napkin sticking out of your pocket?”

Mark: “Yes it is, sir. The hospital needed two quarts of my blood for the transfusion. They said I should drink lots fluids for the rest of the day. I got a little woozy driving back to the office and I had to pull over.”

MC Phil: “That always brings a tear to my eye. Next up, the Everyday Oscar for Best Relationship Saving Performance goes to… Susan Reynolds for her fantastic performance in “Whose Boxers Are These?” (video clip begins to roll).

Boyfriend: “Heather, I just found these boxer shorts under your side of the bed! They’re not mine! Whose are they?”

Susan: “Awww! You ruined the surprise! I bought them for you, but I got so turned on at the thought of you in them, that I put them on myself and wore them around for a day. Would you like to see me in them?”

Boyfriend: “Are these your skid marks?”

Susan: “Umm…yeah?”

As always, if you get a little laugh out of #ThePhilFactor please share by Facebook, Twitter or reblogging. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

 

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