Category Archives: Current Events

Florida The Fire Swamp, The Minister of Loneliness & Our President Might Be Sane

Posted on January 12, 2024 | 45 comments

I‘m in Florida this week, so I thought this classic Phil Factor from 2017 would be apropos. Enjoy!

Florida is The Fire Swamp: Remember in The Princess Bride when Westley  and Princess Buttercup were trying to get away from Prince Humperdinck and they fled into The Fire Swamp? Florida is the living embodiment of The Fire Swamp. You can go to Florida and skip Disney. The state is it’s own theme park called Nature Is Trying To Kill Us. Don’t believe me? On a good day, everyone there still has to worry about sinkholes opening up and swallowing their house or car.

A few weeks ago when it got cold down here there were literally frozen iguanas dropping out of the trees. Just this week the problem is monkeys with herpes.

The Fire Swamp had the R.O.U.S.’s, aka the Rodents of Unusual Size. Florida has  I.O.U.S. Insects of Unusual Size. In my research for this Phil Factor I came across two news articles. One referenced a Florida infestation of “giant mosquitoes” called gallinippers that are “20 times the size of normal mosquitoes.” Their bite is described as “being stabbed or having a hot nail driven into your skin.” Delightful huh?

But it doesn’t end with mosquitoes. There are also giant, “rat-sized, tire puncturing” African snails invading Florida. That’s got to be all kinds of fun when you step out in your bare feet to pick up the morning paper.  And seriously remember the R.O.U.S.’s in the movie? Tell me those didn’t look and walk like alligators!

Remember when Westley was put in The Pit of Despair? Maybe he could have used a Minister of Loneliness. This week the British Prime Minister, Theresa May, appointed a Minister of Loneliness to help people in the country who “often or always feel lonely.”

Minister of Loneliness? That sounds like a Harry Potter villain doesn’t it. I’d like to suggest a few more official titles to help with other problems.

I imagine that the Minister of Loneliness is assisted by the Liege of Lugubriousness. 

All Police Chiefs should be re-named Secretary of Scoundrels. 

And what government would be complete without The Earl of Economy?

If we want our military to be feared we might want to change Secretary of Defense to The Duke of Destruction. With titles like these I imagine that more good people would have interest in government work.

Speaking of government officials…. Earlier this week it came out that during Donald Trump’s official annual physical he voluntarily took an extra cognitive test to prove his sanity. The White House physician wasn’t going to do the test because it’s not normally part of the physical exam, but Donald requested it and then aced it. I’m not sure if that’s more of a relief or a surprise. I’m glad though that he can correctly identify a lion, rhinoceros and a camel. That may come in handy when he visits Florida.

Have a great Saturday! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

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Posted in Current Events, Humor

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It’s The Holidays, Let’s Remember Six Degrees of Separation

Posted on December 24, 2023 | 3 comments

There’s war in Ukraine, and war in the Middle East. It is also currently the high holiday season for several religions. How does the Six Degrees of Separation theory fit into this?

Pichttps://markrobinsonwrites.com/the-music-that-makes-me-dance/2018/3/11/movie-morsel-six-degrees-of-kevin-bacon

I don’t know who formulated the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon theory, but aside from being genius, it’s also a microcosm of the Six Degrees of Separation theory.

In the late 1920s, Hungarian writer Frigyes Karinthy identified the “small world paradox“, when he proposed that there are up to six degrees, or six people separating any two people on the planet.

In the 1960’s, the six degrees of separation theory was highlighted in research by social psychologist Stanley Milgram. In his experiments, a few hundred people from Boston and Omaha tried to get a letter to a complete stranger in Boston. Within the constraints of the experiment they were only allowed send the letter to a personal friend who they thought might be connected closer to the target stranger than they were. At the end of the experiment Milgram found that they had changed hands only about six times. Hence the notion that everyone can be connected by a chain of acquaintances six links or less.

Now, in 2023 the scientific types are postulating that thanks to social networks, it should now be called the  “The 3.57 degrees of separation“. As opposed to a few decades ago, every person on Earth is now only a four people apart.

Here’s how ridiculously close we are to so many people by the Six (or Four) Degrees of Separation. Using only two degrees of separation, I might be the only person on the planet through which you can connect 5 time Grammy winning singer Drake and former/currently deceased Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. That’s how small our world is.

In 2020 we all learned a lesson in connectedness by how quickly Covid spread through families, communities and workplaces. So here is my point, when people are separated by rancorous political rhetoric, when countries go to war, when people fight in the name of religion, you’re fighting with people who are friends of friends or family members of someone who is only a couple connections away from you. Would you in good conscience advocate waging war on the friend of a friend, or even against a co-workers cousin? I know I wouldn’t.

We are all not that different. It’s the holidays, let’s try forgiving people for being just a little bit different from us and hope that they will do the same.

Happy holidays to you and everyone connected to you! And if you agree, feel free to share on social media.

Thanks for reading, Phil

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What’s Wrong with The Elf on The Shelf? Everything!

Posted on December 17, 2023 | 3 comments

What’s wrong with Elf on the Shelf? Everything.

elf

You’re familiar with the Elf on the Shelf right?  In the Elf on the Shelf tradition these poorly dressed little plastic elves are mischievous minions of the red suited overlord and they spy on children and report back to their tyrannical leader. That allegedly quaint little elf doll was invented about 25 years ago as a new, and for some toy company, moneymaking tradition. Fortunately for me, I wasn’t aware of The Elf on the Shelf when my kids were young enough to believe in it.

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Parents put these toy elves on a shelf and tell their children that the Elf can’t be touched or it will lose it’s Christmas  magic. The elf allegedly flies back to the North Pole to report to Santa every night. Man kids are gullible! In the immortal words of Bugs Bunny, “What a bunch of maroons!” Is that a dated reference? Does anyone else remember Bugs Bunny saying that?  The nightly flight is how parents explain that the Elf is in a different spot when the kids wake up each morning.

Of course this crazy ruse makes kids behave in the weeks leading up to Christmas! They’re terrified! Are you kidding me? Even now if you told me a Chuckie doll was going to sit on a shelf and stare at me while I slept, or that it might be moving around my house at night, I would never go to sleep again.

The kids have to be too terrified or too tired to misbehave. It’s no wonder they have a weeks vacation from school after Christmas. They probably spend that week sleeping for the first time in a month.

onemomsworld.wordpress.com

onemomsworld.wordpress.com

I had a friend who says that after her kids are asleep she will pose the Elf somewhere to make it appear as if the Elf had gotten into mischief overnight, such as putting him next to a tipped over jar of something, or maybe on a desk next to some torn up papers. So her kids wake up imagining this creepy little doll with the frozen scary clown smile moving about the house in the dark destroying things. How much longer before someone imagines the doll picking up a knife?

What if in some home where they’re torturing their kids with the Elf on the Shelf, just by coincidence, their elderly dog or cat were to pass away during the night? What do you suppose those kids are going to think for the rest of their lives?

This tradition is psychological warfare against children. How long before we see kids who have grown up with this tradition seeking counseling for PTED, Post-Traumatic Elf Disorder?

dannyoulittlerock.com

dannyoulittlerock.com

Happy Holidays to you and your families. If you really want something mysterious and far less traumatic to just appear this holiday season you could give my books, Time To Lie  and the sequel The Last Locked Door, available on Amazon in paperback, e-book, and Audible. Give the gift of reading this holiday season and have a great weekend! ~Phil

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Happy Diwali! दीपावली की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं

Posted on November 12, 2023 | 5 comments

In the “States” and many other countries we may be excited about Halloween, but we’re overlooking a big holiday that is occurring today. Because of the continued popularity of my post Real Sexting Conversations to Read in Hindi? I thought I would branch out my humorous holiday coverage to include the Hindu holiday of Diwali, which starts today. Before we go any further, Hindi is the language that is spoken by most, or is it moist, people in India? Let’s face it, everyone in India is probably moist all the time. It’s more overpopulated than Miami during Spring break and the average winter temp in India is 107 degrees Fahrenheit (42 C). Ok, Hindi is a language and Hindu is a religion. You can speak Hindi without being Hindu and vice-versa, but most people who speak Hindi happen to be Hindu.

I figured that because so many Hindi people also visit my site for dating advice, like I gave in my post How Ron Burgundy Will Save Hindi Sex , that I would continue to court their growing influence in the blogosphere by writing about theirs and ours two biggest holidays that are merging today.  For the rest of you, here is some info to help you understand why this is such a big holiday: Diwali, or Deepavali, as it is sometimes called, (look, I know there are a lot of people in India, but why can’t you all agree on one name for the holiday? The rest of us have Christmas period. We don’t call it anything else.) is the Festival of Lights. It’s a celebration of light over darkness, or good over evil. Good over evil? Awesome. Who isn’t down with that, right? It’s like having a Batman holiday. It’s also an official holiday not just in India, but in eleven other countries. Let’s face it, if you’re not down with Diwali then you ain’t jolly. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be a saying in India.

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Why would you need “eye health safety tips for Diwali”? Because it’s like our Fourth of July/Independence Day in the States. On Diwali, all the Hindus get lit! They don’t get lit in the sense of drinking a lot, or do they? I imagine that the Feni  is flowing freely in Mumbai today as they celebrate the Festival of Lights by lighting candles and fireworks until the wee hours of the morning. Something like one tenth of the Earth’s population is in India, nobody has more than 6 inches of personal space, and on one day each year they all start fires. I don’t see how that could possibly go wrong! The fire departments in India earn their keep on Diwali. There are literally tons of fire accidents on Diwali, so read this article to help you stay safe and alive during Diwali. No one wants to leave Diwali in a funeral trolley. That’s not a saying in India yet, but mark my Hindi words, this time next year some marketing dude in India is going to make this the tag line for a public service announcement. Here it is in Hindi: कोई भी एक अंतिम संस्कार ट्राली में दीवाली छोड़ना चाहता है. And tomorrow, someone in India who reads this will say it to their friends moments before one of them blows off a finger or two with firecrackers.

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I love the angry baby memes. I wonder if one day soon we’ll see a picture of the angry baby then and now that he’s 25. Anyway, for those of you who are not Hindu, I hope you learned a little more about another culture today and for all my Hindi speaking readers, if you drink too much don’t get into a brawly on Diwali. Yeah, I could do this all day. दीपावली की हार्दिक शुभकामनाएं ! <–That may or may not be me and my Hindi readers making fun of the rest of you. For all you Netflix watchers, go look up The Office episode about Diwali. Very funny. Have a great Thursday! ~Phil

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Ten Ways People Ruin Halloween

Posted on October 15, 2023 | 4 comments

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.

pumpkin

10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the full size.

9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and you deserve to have your house egged.

8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.

This isn’t me, but I wish it was

7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.

6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.

5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.

This is me on my way to work two weeks from now

4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeny to work or refuse to answer your door for the kids tonight then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.

3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.

2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t, you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.

1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.

As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share. Have a great Sunday!~Phil

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Psychic Predictions for the 21st Century and Beyond

Posted on August 5, 2023 | Leave a comment

Yes, of course that’s me

Usually I only do psychic predictions year by year, but lately some visions of the distant future have been appearing in my brain.

Michel de Nostredame, aka Nostradamus, a French pharmacist, doctor, astrologer and future seeing psychic is renown for his cool name and predictions of the distant future. That’s never really been my thing, but lately I’ve been seeing glimpses of a future that may be very different than we might think. So, as a psychic, I’d like to leave a legacy like #Nostradamus did. Should I call myself Philstradamus from now on? Who am I kidding The Phil Factor is a great #psychic name!

Prediction #1: Aliens! In the not too distant future, the human race will learn to communicate with #aliens AND we will discover that the visitors in UFO/UAP spacecraft are not aliens. They are humans from the future. Physicists will discover that time travel is possible and the aliens are evolved humans from the future returning to learn about their history in much the same way that we do archeological digs. 

If he was really psychic, he’d have known what a tragic fashion choice that hair was

Prediction #2: Parallel universes? Prediction number one may be slightly wrong. The aliens might be time traveling humans from the future, OR the present.  We (and when I say we, I mean physicists) will discover that there are actually #parallel universes, and occasionally the fabric of reality between two universes wears thin or develops a hole, and things like UFOs and strange cryptid creatures may slip through and get stuck in our universe. 

Prediction #3 Is it time to move?  Weather phenomena, aka #climate change, will continue to result in more and more areas of the world becoming uninhabitable to humans. Several countries will reinvest in their neglected space exploration programs in an effort to find places where the human race can survive. The first will be an attempt to set up a permanent base on the moon with regular ‘shuttles’ to and from Earth. It will be first manned by only NASA/military personnel, but will eventually begin to work in civilians. 

Image from Bloomberg

Prediction #4 What becomes of Russia? Sadly #Russia will eventually win this never ending war in #Ukraine, but not long after, Vladimir Putin will pass away under suspicious circumstances that will never be clear to the western media. Following a Russian cheer similar to “Ding dong the witch is dead,” the Russian government, at the urging of it’s citizens and the United Nations, will begin to craft itself  into a democracy over the next few decades, and Ukraine will be restored whole as a sovereign nation.

Image from People Magazine

Prediction #5 The Royal Family Look, I enjoy the soap opera that the British royals have put on forever, but by the end of this century they will be phased out. People will care less and less about bloodlines and more and more about breadlines. Normally I might throw in a few jokes about the royal family being aliens, but I’m making serious predictions here. Although, if #King Chuck lives as long as his mum, we may want to check to see if they really are aliens. 

Image from Quora.com

Prediction #6 Us and them? In the distant future, sometime after 2060, the Earth will be split into two kinds of people. There will be the Techies, who embrace all that technology brings us, sometimes to the point that they give up their autonomy to the A.I. machines. The second kind of people will be the Green Earthers. They will shun most technology, with the exception of solar electricity and will try to live their lives the way people did before technology controlled everything. 

Just because I usually make jokes, that doesn’t mean that I can’t be serious about these #psychicpredictions. Psychics can have a sense of humor too! In the comments, I’d love to know you’re thoughts on these predictions.

Have a great Saturday! ~The Phil Factor!

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Good News! UFO’s Are Real! (Maybe Bigfoot too)

Posted on July 29, 2023 | 7 comments

In case you weren’t following the news closely this past week, it seems as if the government is acknowledging that unidentified flying objects, UFO’s, or unidentified anomalous phenomena  (UAPs) are kind of a real thing. First of all government, we’ve called them UFO’s for at least 70 years. Why do you have to go trying to change the name just because you’re admitting that they exist now? I’m betting that the United States government is actually trying to find a way to make them pay taxes.

This past week a former military intelligence officer and two former fighter pilots told the United States House of Representatives that they are being lied to about UFO’s. The military intelligence officer reported discovering  “a multi-decade UAP crash retrieval and reverse-engineering program” during the course of his work examining classified programs. He said he was denied access to those programs when he requested it, and accused the military of misappropriating funds to shield these operations from congressional oversight. He later said he had interviewed officials who had direct knowledge of aircraft with “nonhuman” origins, and that so-called “biologics” were recovered from some craft. (last paragraph credit to CBS.com)

The two fighter pilots gave first hand accounts of UFOs that they saw first hand in the sky.

This comes as no surprise to most of us right? What? Our government lied to us? That’s crazy, right?

There’s two interesting parts to this. The “reverse engineering program” means that the government is trying to figure out the alien technology and build their own stuff with it.

The second interesting part is the “biologics” that were recovered. The “biologics” were probably not houseplants, right?  They recovered actual aliens!

I’m not going to go on, but this admission by the government makes past 10 year old me very happy.

Also, this past Wednesday, 76 year old renowned psychic Uri Geller posted on Instagram “Friends, Bigfoot, traditionally, is viewed as a simple creature of the woods while UFOs are considered sophisticated visitors from outer space. Yet, could there be a connection between the two? I believe, yes. Please let me know if you ever witnessed a Bigfoot type of creature and if you believe there is an alien connection.”

First of all, shout out to 76 year old Uri for rocking the social media. He’s active on Twitter too. Anywho, as they say, keep your eyes on the  sky, because you never know when Bigfoot might fly by in a UFO. In the comments, I’d love to hear what you think about the UFO stuff and Uri Gellers theory.

Have a great Saturday and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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STOP THROWING THINGS AT PERFORMERS!

Posted on July 11, 2023 | 4 comments

Just the other day Harry Styles, a supremely talented performer, was hit by an object thrown by a fan. What is wrong with you people? I’d like to say this didn’t happen back in my day, but it did happen then as well. (Meat Loaf) As I was researching for this post, incident after incident came up.

People who want to be part of the show are the dumbest people I’ve ever seen. I’ve easily been to over 100 concerts and I don’t think that any concert ever has been made better by an audience member who thinks that because you paid for a ticket you have a right to insert yourself into the performance. Whether it’s a comedian or a musician, inserting yourself into a performance never makes you look good in anyone’s eyes. Dudes, seriously, your dumb ass buddies may laugh at your little prank until the cops take you away, but more importantly, the ladies are not impressed by stupidity.

Singer Bebe Rexha. Pic from Latestly

Yes, I know I sound like a crotchety old man, but inserting yourself by heckling a singer or comedian is idiotic. You are impressing exactly no one. Trying to agitate a comedian is ridiculously stupid. Don’t you realize that they have been on stage for years and are ten times as quick witted as you are dumb.

And why are you idiots throwing your cell phones? They only cost you about a thousand dollars/900 Euros. The celebrities are definitely not going to call you. You just gave them your phone! How smart is that? Now that security has your phone, and they can track you down and arrest you. If you want to throw away a thousand bucks, just look up my email in the contact info and send it to me.

Eventually there will be consequences. The ticket prices will rise to weed out the riff-raff. (Yes, sadly I just said riff-raff. I’m getting super old) There will also be barriers. If objects continue to be thrown, they will put up plexiglass barriers between the performers and the audience. How fun will that be?

Remember how during COVID we would get our foreheads scanned when we entered some offices or businesses? If only they could do that but to weed out the dumb asses before they get into concerts.

Any way, that’s my rant for today. If only one of these dumb asses read my blog and learned, I might have made the world marginally better. Sadly, I’m pretty sure the dumb-asses aren’t big on reading. If you dolts want to heckle someone, come here and do it in the comments!

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

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May You Have a Great Month!

Posted on April 23, 2023 | 1 comment

A gathering for May 1 “Eid il Fitr” ,which translates to “When Phil Posts to His Blog”

When people think of “the holidays” they usually think of the November-February stretch that includes many of the popular holidays in the English speaking world. If you look a little further, you’ll see that in both English speaking countries and other countries there are a lot of underrated great holidays that occur in the month of May. I’m going to spend the month posting about and making good natured fun of most of these holidays.

Cinco De Mayo Fiesta on the plaza in Mesilla, New Mexico May 06, 2017. / AFP PHOTO / PAUL RATJE (Photo credit: PAUL RATJE/AFP/Getty Images)

Three of these awesome holidays occur consecutively during the first week of May. I will list them in a poll below and please vote for the one that you want to learn the most about.

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Whichever holiday is chosen will be the first post in May. If you have one that’s not on the list, please shout it at me in the comments!

Thank you for your participation! ~ Phil

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The Original Artificial Intelligence: Magic 8 Ball

Posted on March 20, 2023 | Leave a comment

After a few artificial intelligent chat bots had some disturbing conversations with members of the media, people the world over are freaked out by the possibilities of A.I.  They’re asking things like “Will robots and computers take over the world?” or “Could an A.I. entity start a war?”  “Is artificial intelligence going to put us all out of our jobs?”

When I was a kid growing up, there was no Google, so we asked the Magic 8 Ball. So, why not bring the Magic 8 Ball back to solve all of our problems. And no, I don’t mean Magic 8 Ball, the epic British band that Americans have never heard of. If you want to see them, they’re playing in Portland, Maine in June.

In addition to the real Magic 8 Ball, there are also several Magic 8 Ball apps you can download to help you solve all your problems. I’ve got one and we’re going to ask it all the most pertinent questions that todays world leaders are dealing with.

1. Will there be another big banking crisis: Yes definitely was the reply, so cash out your retirement account and store that money under your mattress.

2. Is TikTok stealing all our personal data? Signs point to yes, so get off TikTok and get back on IG and Facebook with your parents and grandparents.

3. Is Donald Trump going to be President again?: 

4. Should we fear robots and A.I.? My sources say no. Hey, if the original A.I., aka The Magic 8 Ball, isn’t afraid of  A.I. taking it’s job then I’m not worried either.

5. Should you keep scrolling and read more of ThePhilFactor? Signs point to yes. Who are you to argue? Keep reading!

6. Are ghosts and extraterrestrials real? It is decidely so. Well if the original A.I. say yes, then head for Area 51 and and plan for a kick ass afterlife party!

It looks to be unanimous. The Magic 8 Ball is wise and still in control of our universe. If you had a Magic 8 Ball right now, what would you ask it? Click THIS LINK and come back and tell me what it told you!

Have a great Monday! ~Phil

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