Category Archives: Current Events

“THE Most Fun Theory About The Drones”

Posted on December 14, 2024 | 3 comments

Pic courtesy of Fast Company

For the last four weeks swarms of drones have been spotted over northern New Jersey from dusk to dawn. Some have flown over Donald Trumps resort/golf course and others have flown over military installations and every on-site filming location of The Sopranos. But are they really drones?

As someone who monitors developments in most paranormal realms, the mysterious drone swarms have the paranormal people buzzing, and I think there may be merit in that. I said “may“, not definitely.

Here’s why I think that these “drones” might be more than we think:

1. Don’t shoot the drones? The general public has been told that it’s illegal to shoot down drones. Thank goodness for that. In northern New Jersey, you can only imagine how many bullets would be filling the skies. Ok, so you and I can’t go skeet shooting for drones, but what about the military? Why aren’t they shooting them down? I’m pretty sure the Air Force has the technology and firepower to take down some drones. During the Gulf war in the 1990’s the Air Force literally shot a missile into an enemy leaders front door from 30 miles/48 kilometers away. But they can’t get some kids toys out of the sky?

Also, just yesterday the government said that they believe several of the drones are manned, being flown lawfully.  That may be why they’re not shooting them down, and it implies that they know more about them than they’re letting on.

Pic from New Atlas

2. The Government Conspiracy Theory: Could they be government owned drones? Is the U.S. government trying out some new technology? Or possibly spying on someone? Maybe it’s a new tactic to monitor mob activity. So far the government claims they’re not theirs. Other than that, the government has been suspiciously quiet.

3.  The drones aren’t limited to New Jersey: In recent days the drones have also been seen over southern New York, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and Maryland, indicating that they are probably not controlled by any normal citizens just being mischievous.

Beneath the above map of drone sightings the headline read: The FBI leader says it’s “concerning” how little his agency knows about the drones. That’s concerning to me because (and here comes the most fun theory about the drones: What if these drones are remote craft sent out by UFO’s/alien spacecraft, or are actual alien spacecraft that are doing some reconnaissance about our planet before they decide to visit?

Seriously, how great would it be if our planet is about to have that “take me to your leader” moment in history where we meet aliens peacefully? I’m rooting for that and also hoping we don’t have to call in the Transformers to save us. I’m also tempted to go buy myself a drone and start freaking out my neighbors.

In the comments, what do you think the drones are?

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, pop culture, Uncategorized

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Ten Reasons To Hate The Holidays

Posted on November 30, 2024 | 5 comments

“You’re a mean one Mister Grinch. You really are a heel. You’re as cuddly as a cactus, you’re as charming as an eel, Mister Grinch. You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.”

Yup, that’s me, king of sarcasm and hater of all things jolly. I’m not saying that there aren’t things to love about the holidays. There are plenty, but c’mon, if we’re truly being honest, there are a lot of things to hate about the holidays. Here’s my top ten. (Btw, tomorrow I’ll post Ten Reasons to Love The Holidays.)

10. The holidays mess up our Amazon orders! As much as we all love Amazon, there’s nothing more frustrating than the holiday season when our orders don’t always make it to us on time.

9. Candy Canes? Yes, candy canes are one of the worst parts of the holiday season. They are delicious and I love them, but I also hate them. Candy Canes are so ridiculously sticky that after the first refreshing hit of minty-ness, you realize that your lips and fingers are covered in a demonic sticky substance.

Pic from The Jewish News of Northern California

8. Having two major religious holidays during the same month is confusing! They are both great holidays, but why can’t we have them happen at the same time, or better yet, merge them into one holiday? I never know if I should be saying Happy Hannukah or Merry Christmas. Think about it, Christmas celebrates the birthday of a certain Jewish carpenter, so why not just pick a week and call it HanChristNukahMas? Also, if you want to read an awesomely funny novel about Jesus growing up as a teenager, read Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.  Before you buy that book, you should read my interview with the author Christopher Moore. One of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my years of blogging.

Pic & recipe can be found at Back To The Book Nutrition

7. The Nog Shortage: Much like the Fall Pumpkin Spice influx, the winter holiday season is everything nog this and nog that. It’s hard to find a beverage that doesn’t offer a nog flavored option. But if you like nog, you’re screwed about 8 weeks later. Apparently nog is such a rare and valuable commodity that it can only be offered for a limited time. I’m going to get rich by drilling a nog well in my backyard and then selling my nog at outrageous prices. I will also have a Nog Blog.

That’s a perfect pic and you can find an article about why we shouldn’t buy gifts for adults HERE

6. Buying Gifts for Adults: I came up with this idea on my own and found the above pic and USA Today column when I looked for a pic to match my Scrooge-like idea. Once you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, haven’t you either bought yourself whatever the hell you wanted to, or bought each other anything you each need. My wife and I just skip gifts and promise to buy each other whatever bauble strikes our fancy on the next vacation.

5. Holiday movies set in southern California: I hate them because the people always look so happy to go outside and hang lights on their palm trees. Jerks. They’re just flaunting their warm weather and lack of snow. If you want a holiday movie to make me happy, how about one where a bunch of So-Cal people are stranded by an avalanche in the Santa Monica mountains and they have to eat each other to survive.

Pic courtesy of Disney, duh!

4. Frozen: I don’t even have a young Disney Princess obsessed daughter and I’m sick and tired of this stupid movie. I’m sick of the songs and the pictures everywhere. I’ve never seen it and I don’t know what it’s about, but enough already! It’s just another Disney movie where the parents are dead right? I challenge Disney to make some movies where they don’t kill parents as a cheap emotional hook at the beginning.

Funniest_Memes_this-food-is-so-frozen_7263

3. Commercials: I’ve never walked out to my driveway to find a car with a bow on it. I’ve seen versions of this commercial since I was a kid, setting me up with unrealistic expectations.  Look, Bill Gates, I know you and your wife donate millions to charitable causes; just once could you skip a few mosquito nets and vaccines and have a Lexus delivered to my driveway?

2. Inconvenience: From now until January 2nd, leaving your house is going to be more inconvenient than usual. Just going out for groceries is now a Herculean task. Everything and everywhere have more people trying to do the same things.

This above scene is happening everywhere all the time right now. What is wrong with people?

1. Santa Claus: And you thought they’re milking the Batman and Spider-Man characters for all their worth? St. Nick hasn’t changed in centuries! Jeez, get that guy a cape and some superpowers. How awesome would that be if he had a nemesis that was out trying to stop him from delivering presents. God has the devil, Batman has the Joker, why can’t Santa have a nemesis?

Please put your holiday pet peeves in the comments. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor don’t be a Grinch and share it by hitting the Facebook button below. Have a great Saturday and come back tomorrow for Ten Reasons To Love The Holidays! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, pop culture, Uncategorized

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The Top Ten Best Thanksgiving Sit-Com Episodes

Posted on November 27, 2024 | 3 comments

Don’t we all love the holiday episodes of our favorite shows? If you’re not into football this week, then dial up Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime TV on Thursday and watch these ten laugh out loud episodes from the past that will entertain you all day long.  I’ve only included ones that I’ve seen, so if you can think of some others, say so in the comments! I apologize to my international readers that this list is American centric. If you can think of your favorite holiday episodes from your country, please put them in the comments so we can discover new shows!

10. Cheers: Thanksgiving Orphans, Season 5, episode 9.

Everyone’s plans coincidentally fall through, as they only can on a sit-com and Carla hosts dinner for the gang. It ends in an epic food fight where we nearly get to see Norm’s wife, Vera. Find it on Amazon, Netflix and Hulu

9. The Office, WUPHF.com, season 7, episode 9.

Dwight hosts a fall festival in the parking lot so he can crown himself Hay King while Ryan tries to sell the office on his uber-connectivity app WUPHF.com. Find it on Netflix.

8. New Girl, season 4 episode 9, Bangsgiving

This episode features the gang staying home for Thanksgiving in their L.A. loft. As fate would have it, they all happen to be single at the time, so they set up a Secret Santa sort of arrangement where they draw names from a hat and they have to invite a Bangsgiving date for the person they picked. Hijinks ensue. Find it on Peacock.

7. South Park, season 4 episode 13, Hellen Keller! The Musical

I think that the title, Hellen Keller! The Musical says all you need to know about this. Find it on HBOMax.

6. That 70’s Show, season 1, episode 9, Thanksgiving

THAT ’70S SHOW

Eric gets hit on by his sister’s slutty friend and Donna is not happy about it. Eric’s mom Kitty is stressed about Red’s mom coming to dinner and they both forget to pick her up. Find it on Amazon Prime Video

5. Seinfeld, season 6, episode 8, The Mom and Pop store

Elaine helps her boss, Mr. Pitt, win a contest to pilot the Woody Woodpecker balloon in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. His joy is short lived when Jerry drops an Empire State Building statue out the window and punctures the Woody Woodpecker balloon. In this episode Jerry walks around in a new pair of slippery cowboy boots and George buys a LeBaron convertible that he believes belonged to actor Jon Voight. Find it on Netflix.

4. WKRP in Cincinnati, season 1 episode 7, Turkeys Away

Yes, this is definitely an oldie, but it’s definitely one of the funniest Thanksgiving episodes of any show I’ve ever seen. If you don’t know the WKRP in Cincinnati series, it’s definitely worth a watch, and this episode is laugh out loud funny. Find it on AppleTV and Amazon Prime.

3. Roseanne, season 4 episode 10, We Gather Together

The Connors always knew how to make great holiday episodes. Their Halloween episodes are legendary and their Thanksgivings aren’t far behind. Find it on Amazon Prime Video.

2. How I Met Your Mother, season 3 episode 9, Slapsgiving

Due to a bet from a previous season, Marshall won the right to slap Barney 5 times over the rest of their lifetimes. He decides that Thanksgiving, aka Slapsgiving, is just the right day after building the suspense for weeks. At the end Marshall plays the piano and sings a song about the slap. Find it on Hulu

1. Friends, The One with All the Thanksgivings, Season 5, Episode 8

This episode of course has Monica with the turkey on her head, but it’s also got a bunch of fun flashbacks from the gangs Thanksgivings as well as their distant past. Find it on Netflix.

That’s my Top Ten. If you’ve got some favorite Thanksgiving episodes from other shows, please put them in the comments ! I hope you’re having a great weekend! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Humor, pop culture

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Are Your Feet Electric Enough?

Posted on November 23, 2024 | 5 comments

Photo from iStock

Do you “ground” your feet enough? There are whole bunch of people out there that walk barefoot because they want to connect with the Earth and receive some sort of electric charge. It is also called “Earthing.” What I want to know is, can I charge my phone that way? Could I just leave it on the ground and get a charge?

Whoever’s feet these are, they need to see a dermatologist

You know me. I’m open enough that I’m willing to consider all kinds of paranormal stuff, so why not grounding? My first instinct was that this is all nonsense. So, I did a little research.

First I wanted to know if the Earth’s surface carries an electrical charge. Guess what? According to AI “the surface of the Earth is negatively charged relative to the upper atmosphere which carries a positive charge.”  

The barefooted gentleman above is Mack Hollins, a wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills American football team. (GO BILLS!). This past summer he made waves after joining the Bills because, unless he’s on the football field, where his feet could get crushed by some very large men wearing cleats, he goes au naturel. If he’s not playing football, he walks barefooted because he believes in grounding. Mack and the Bills are having a good season, so Mack, feel free to go barefoot anywhere you want. If you are familiar with Buffalo Bills fans, this is our kind of “grounding”.

But I digress. This is supposed to be all about getting our toes muddy.

Just because they made this little diagram, it doesn’t mean it’s true.

I’m sure it feels nice walking in the grass, but I remember getting stung by a bee when I was grounding as a kid. I was way ahead of my time and that bee sting hurt quite a bit. So, have I convinced you to walk barefoot and fancy-free? What is fancy free? I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything that I would describe as fancy free.

Apparently it must be true because there is a movie about it. That’s not true. There are plenty of movies that are complete and utter rubbish. In fact, I think most movies are completely made up. But if you want to know more about the real benefits of grounding/Earthing, HERE is an article from WebMd. If some real doctors endorse grounding, then it must be beneficial just like all those drugs doctors endorse in TV commercials. I’m not a doctor, but I play one on the internet.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on grounding/Earthing in the comments.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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I’m Not Wrong Yet…

Posted on November 6, 2024 | 2 comments

Remember my 2024 psychic predictions that I published in December 2023? (Feel free to go back and read them. I’m doing pretty well)  One of my psychic predictions was that neither Biden or Trump would be the next President.

Several months ago I was proven half right when Joe Biden withdrew from the race. Some of you may think I’m wrong because Donald Trump won the election. Guess what? Donald Trump does not become President until he is sworn in on January 20, 2025.

My psychic noggin is feeling that something may still be awry in the universe. I’m not trying to wish anything into being, but it’s just a feeling.

Other than my Wordless Wednesdays that I used to do on my blog, where I’d just post an interesting picture from my camera roll without words, this might be my shortest post ever. I think I’ll restart the Wordless Wednesdays. I hope you’ll join me, and I hope that you’re having a great week. ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Uncategorized

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Daylight Stupid Time

Posted on November 2, 2024 | 6 comments

This is my bi-annual reminder that tonight in the United States we move our clocks backward by an hour and my reminder to you that it’s stupid. I’ve been posting this every Fall and Spring since 2006 and will continue to do so until the government does away with Daylight Savings Time.

Daylight-Savings-Time

When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law getting rid of Daylight Savings Time. I don’t know if all other countries do this. I do know that not all the U.S. states abide by it. Hawaii and Arizona have essentially told Daylight Savings to eff off. They don’t care if the rest of the world does it.

Daylight Savings Time was created in 1918 to give farmers more daylight in which to do their work in the fields. Call me crazy, but why the hell didn’t someone just suggest that the lazy ass farmers drag themselves out of a bed a little earlier each day? Because those cud chewing, overall wearing, udder jerking lay-abouts can’t be bothered to set their alarm clocks we’re all stuck changing time?

I don’t know if anyone else noticed, but in 2007 the U.S. Congress, in another colossal waste of their time and our tax dollars, extended daylight savings time by a few weeks on either end.

First off, since it’s called daylight savings time because we are using less daylight in the winter months, why isn’t it called Daylight Spending time from March to November.

Secondly, at this point all the farmers (except the creepy Amish ones) have electricity and alarm clocks, which may not have been the case 120 years ago. I can get away with saying that about the Amish because my demographic data shows that for some reason I have very low readership among the Amish. I guess they just don’t get me.

Reportedly the reason Congress did this is to save energy. How will changing our clocks twice a year save energy? Don’t we set our thermostats and use heat based on the outdoor temperature, not how light out it is? I’d like to save the energy I expend changing my clocks! I’d like Congress to tell me when I get that back. Congress has again proven to be the biggest collection of morons outside of…well…I guess I can’t think of a bigger collection. Why doesn’t Congress set their alarm clocks an hour earlier so they can get up early and get more of this important work done?

dst-baby

B.T. dubs, if we set our clocks back an hour now but we turn them forward in the Spring,  over the course of a year what difference does it make?

If we have learned anything from every single time travel movie, it’s that we shouldn’t muck about with time. Also, according to statistics,  the day after we change our clocks there are more workplace injuries, car accidents, and for the day, a 10% rise in heart attacks.

I for one am not going to go for this stupid daylight savings time thing anymore. I don’t work at a farm or for Congress, so I told my boss that for 6 months I’ll be to work an hour early or late, however it works out. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, this is going to change!

If you’d like to support my bid for President or Sexiest Man Alive, please hit the Facebook, share button below, but hurry because you have an hour less to do it in this weekend. Or is it an hour more? Have a great weekend! ~Phil

#PHIL2024

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Ten Ways People Ruin Halloween

Posted on October 27, 2024 | 1 comment

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. If I wasn’t a full grown adult I’d dress up and go Trick or Treating. I do have some pet peeves though about people who don’t share my love of this holiday.

pumpkin

10. “Fun Size” candy: There is nothing fun about a candy bar so small that it wouldn’t give a sugar rush to a hummingbird. For cripes sake! It’s once a year, you can splurge for the full size.

9. Turning Out Your Lights: Are you the house that turns out your lights and hides in a back room pretending you’re not home? We hate you and you deserve to have your house egged.

8. Making it about religion: Lighten up Francis! (If you know what movie that quote came from put your answer in the comments) The kids aren’t worshiping Satan, they’re worshiping a sugar buzz. Once someone in my neighborhood was handing out popcorn balls with religious notes attached to them. If I knew who it was I’d have called the police.

This isn’t me, but I wish it was

7. Handing out popcorn balls or apples or pencils or McDonald’s coupons. When I was a kid we were told never to take the apples because there might be a razor blade in them. Now the health food nuts are giving them out like candy.

6. Not having Halloween in your neighborhood: I hate when groups of parents decide they’ll have a neighborhood party or that the kids will trick or treat at the local shopping mall. Geez! How did these people grow up and at what age did the demon suck out their souls? Theirs are the kids who will rebel later and get arrested for egging houses or putting flaming bags of poop on someone’s front porch.

5. Not allowing re-visits: If a kid has the endurance and initiative to make a second lap around the neighborhood, more power to them! They’re getting exercise. If they have a different costume second time around I give bonus candy.

This is me on my way to work two weeks from now

4. Adults who don’t dress up: If you don’t wear something Halloweeny to work or refuse to answer your door for the kids tonight then just click out of this page, close your browser and don’t ever come back.

3. Women who think men don’t respect the sexy Halloween costumes: Memo to ladies: Men hate cutesy couples costumes. Let us be Batman or an Army guy and you can be the Sexy Nurse, Sexy Zombie, Sexy Football Player, Slutty Pumpkin. (Btw, if you get the Slutty Pumpkin reference put it in the comments) Whatever. We don’t care. Just dress up and let your inner sexy self out.

www.wearyourbeer.com http://www.wearyourbeer.com

2. People who don’t decorate their house: I want to start a neighborhood where over the top Halloween decorating is mandatory. If you don’t, you have to move out immediately or the rest of the neighbors will egg and toilet paper your house every day until next Halloween.

1. The fixed Oct. 31st date: When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going to pass a law mandating that Halloween will occur on the last Saturday of September regardless of the date. In September so there’s better weather for the kids to go out and on the last Saturday so we can all have parties, the kids can stay up late and we can all relax, sleep in and take down our decorations the next day.

As always if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please feel free to share. Have a great Sunday!~Phil

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The Future is Here!

Posted on October 14, 2024 | 5 comments

Pic from uniladtech.com

Well, the future is not here on The Phil Factor. If this was the future, I’d be sending this blog to you just by thinking it. What I’m referring to is my blog post from February 3rd when I reported that Elon Musk’s company Neuralink had implanted a device in a living human brain that was supposed allow that paralyzed person to control a computer or smart phone just by thinking it.

Well, it worked. Eleven months ago Noland Arbaugh had to hold a stick in his mouth to tap keyboard keys. Now he’s playing online chess by thinking his moves. Eight months after the brain implant he went to France to open a speed chess championship!

Pic from NewRepublic.com

Elon Musk looks and sounds like a villain from a spy movie. He seemed like one when we thought he ruined Twitter, now known as X, but maybe, despite his grating personality, he’s doing some very good things.

Now at Neuralink, he’s working on curing certain types of blindness.  SpaceX is also his baby and is commercializing space travel by bringing supplies and people to the International Space Station. If you’re interested, SpaceX also has a merch store! No, you can’t buy a ticket to space flight… yet, but you can get a cool SpaceX t-shirt or models of some of the SpaceX rockets. 

Pic from ign.com

I’m not a Elon Musk fan because of his politics and his personality, but is it possible that he’s not a terrible person? It seems like he’s doing good things. Would a bad person do good philanthropic things? 

If I can acknowledge that Elon’s not the worst person in the world, and that his work has helped humanity, maybe it’s possible for all of us in the States and every country to try to see the positive in others and see people as individuals rather than just one group against another. If you take a minute to get to know that neighbor with a political sign you don’t agree with, maybe you’ll find out that they’re a nice person. In the immortal words of Lenny Kravitz:

Come on people
It’s time to get together
It’s time for the revolution
Here is once again in our face
Why haven’t we learn from our past
We’re at the crossroads of our human race
Why are we kicking our own ass
We want peace

We Want Peace, Lenny Kravitz 2004

Pic from guitartopreview.com

Btw, Elon Musk, if you read this on X, hit me up in my email authorphiltaylor@gmail or on X and I’ll interview you here.

Happy Monday everbody! I hope you have a great week, and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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If You Really Like Halloween…

Posted on October 5, 2024 | 9 comments

Pic from iStockPhoto.com

Halloween is coming up and some of us enjoy it more than others. If you’re one of those people, I have good news! There are several Halloween-like holidays all over the world that you can put on your calendar to celebrate the spooky stuff almost all year round.

Pic by Creator: SAEED KHAN

The Yulan Festival-China: Like most good festivals that celebrate the dead, fire has to be involved. The Yulan Festival also known as The Hungry Ghost Festival occurs on the 15th night of the 7th month, which is July. It is believed that on the day of the Yulan Festival, the gates of hell open so that ghosts can roam the Earth in search of food and entertainment.

Entertainment? What kind of entertainment do ghosts want? They watch us all the time. That’s got to be pretty funny. And the ghosts want food too? For cripes sake, I don’t want to spend my after-life trick or treating in the nearest neighborhood. I wonder if they order out for Chinese? Fortunately, in China the living perform rituals and have a feast to appease the spirits. Ok, so we’ve got July and October covered for spookiness now.

Pic from National Geographic

The Obon Festival-Japan/Brazil/California: Another celebrating the dead festival that in some places is actually multiple festivals lasting from June through August. Food, fire, costumes, music and dancing. Who knew someone else’s death could be this fun! Ok, Obon pulled in June, so now we’ve got spooky holidays/celebrations from June through November. November you say? What happens in November? Well…

Smith/Getty Images)

Dia de Muertos-Mexico and neighboring countries. Otherwise known as The Day of The Dead, this celebration occurs from Oct. 31 through the first week of November. The multi-day holiday involves family and friends gathering to pay respects and remember friends and family members who have died. These celebrations can take a humorous tone, as celebrants remember amusing anecdotes about the departed. It’s one of my favorites as evidenced by my sugar skull and tie in the pic below:

So we’ve now got spookiness for five months. Sadly, we do have to skip the month of December to let Hannukah and Christmas to have their time, although I do plan on looking for some spooky Christmas content for you.

Pic from Bildderfrau.De

Walpurgis Night and Beltane: They occur at the same time but in different countries. Walpurgis Nacht (Night) is a German tradition, while Beltane is Irish & Scottish. They do occur on the same dates April 30/May 1.

Walpurgis Night was started to honor Saint Walpurga who was known for battling rabies, whooping cough and witches. Rabies, whooping cough and witches? Those German med school final exams must have been super weird. The night of April 30th into May 1st is supposed to be when the witches gather and ride. Walpurgis Night is celebrated in the Netherlands, Germany, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovenia, Sweden, Lithuania, Latvia, Finland, and Estonia. In Finland, Denmark and Norway

Beltane: Source Nen.press

Beltane? Stuff like that pic above happens in drag clubs all over the states every day. You should see Key West on New Year’s Eve. To be honest, I’ve seen things online about a lot of crazy festivals in Europe, such as the Boom Festival, that I’d love to go to, but that would be a whole other blog post.

Beltane historically has been celebrated in Ireland, Scotland and The Isle of Man. Btw, here’s a shout out to that one Isle of Man Phil Factor reader. I see you showing up in my stats. Don’t be shy! Say hi in the comments.

The Celts see Beltane as the beginning of Summer and it brings back life & fertility. Bel was a Celtic god, and the name Beltane means the ‘fire of Bel’. Fire is central to the celebrations on the belief that it has protective powers. It’s believed that rituals of walking around or leaping over bonfires will bring good fortune, fertility, happiness and third degree burns.

There you go. I’ve given you spooky stuff to celebrate In April, May, June, July, August, September, October and November. That’s 8 different months to get your spooky on. If you know of any other traditions, festivals or celebrations with a spooky theme, feel free to shout out or post a link in the comments.

Have a great weekend, and thanks for reading! ~Phil

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Posted in Current Events, Holidays, Humor, pop culture, Uncategorized

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Why American Football Is Better Than The World’s Football

Posted on February 4, 2024 | 5 comments

Next weekend is it. The penultimate American holiday. The Super Bowl. You will hear about it constantly for the next seven days. There are no religious affiliations. Football is our religion, so much so that we keep trying to spread it to the rest of the world that seems hooked on playing that funny little round ball kicking game. There seems to be a debate afoot. So let’s have an objective examination of the evidence in support of both.

American Football Players are the best athletes in the world. The bigger you are, the better. In America we like everything bigger all the time. According to possible true facts I made up, compared to the rest of the world’s football players, our football athletes have a higher mortality rate, (see, they’re best at that too!)  and a lower average age of death, but when they are on the field of play entertaining us it is glorious!

See that gut on the guy in the picture above? In a Third World country a gut like that implies wealth. Sure, in the States it implies diabetes, but man can he push some other guys around. If he fell on Karim Benzema he would kill him!

images (39)

American Football Players Hide Their Faces in helmets so that we don’t have to see any unattractive people on our televisions and if the attractive ones are grimacing, we don’t have to look at it. That must be why they wear the helmets, because apparently they’re completely ineffective at protecting the players brains.

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In America we like to score a lot of points: All of you people from countries in the rest of the world, imagine if your football games ended with a 14-12 score! How great would that be, right? Get rid of the goalie! He’s ruining everything!

The Rest Of The World Named Their Game Wrong: Here is the ultimate irony: In American football only one player on each team gets to touch the ball with his foot. In the rest of the worlds football only one player on each team gets to touch the ball with his hands. That obviously means that the rest of the world should change the name of their game to Handball.

So, as you can see, although the United States has less people than the rest of the world, we are still right. And Canada is on our side too. They have football just like ours. Ok, well, not just like ours, but kind of close and with poutine! The bottom line is, if Canada thinks we’re right, I don’t wanna be wrong.

Have a great Super Bowl week everybody, unless you’re watching the wrong football. ~Phil

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