Tag Archives: Top Ten Tuesday The Phil Factor

Top Ten Tuesday! The Ten Best Books I’ve Ever Read. What Are Yours?

Like the title says, these are the ten best books that have ever read. They’re my favorites. Yours may be different. In fact, I’m hoping they are. Either in the comments or, in your own blog post with a link back, I’d like you to share some of your favorite books so that we can all maybe find a new favorite book or author from each other. Of course I won’t shamelessly plug my own books by putting them on my list, but if you want to, I won’t argue.

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10. The Vampire LeStat: by Anne Rice. Unbeknownst to most people (you know it’s serious when I use big words like unbeknownst) it wasn’t Stephanie Meyer who invented the vampire genre, but Anne Rice about fifteen years earlier. LeStat, referred to as the Brat Prince, is such a fun character you’ll want to become one of the undead just to hang out with him for eternity.

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9. The Da Vinci Code: by Dan Brown. The first in the series was easily the best. Don’t watch the movie because Tom Hanks stars in it with a ridiculously bad hairdo, but read the book.

8. How to Succeed in Evil: by Patrick E. McLean. Edwin Windsor is an Evil Efficiency Expert who contacts out his services to help supervillains be more villanous. Hilarious!  You end up rooting for evil!

7. Bite Me: by Christopher Moore, award winning, New York Times bestselling author who I interviewed for The Phil Factor about three years ago. Spoiler alert: This won’t be his only book on the list. Trust me on Christopher Moore. You’ll want to read so many of his books. Bite Me skewers the vampire genre with brilliant sarcasm.

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6. Dave Barry’s Complete Guide to Guys: by Pulitzer Prize winning Dave Barry, whom I interviewed for The Phil Factor in 2013. If you’re a woman, you’ll laugh as you read countless hilarious examples of the idiocy of men. If you’re a guy you”l see yourself in so many of the true stories.

5. 11/22/63: by Stephen King. I hope you didn’t watch the Hulu miniseries. They took some liberties with the plot that I didn’t think were necessary and detracted from the story. Read the book. It’s a surprising love story.

4. Good Omens: by Neil Gaimans and Terry Pratchett. Read. Laugh. Thank me later. Both authors are cherished titans of English literature, and their other solo works are brilliantly funny. Together they don’t disappoint.

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3. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy: by Douglas Adams. This book is a literary classic. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch the movie. Read the book. Your cultural education cannot be considered complete until you’ve read this book.

2. A Dirty Job: by Christopher Moore. Being the Grim Reaper is a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it. Hilarity galore. If you enjoy the absurdity of Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett, then you’ll also love Christopher Moore.

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1. Odd Thomas: by Dean Koontz. In general I consider Dean Koontz to be Stephen King lite, but Odd Thomas is his signature character. I read books from a first person point of view. I become the protagonist when I read. Some characters fit in my head better than others. Odd Thomas fit me like a glove. For me, he was one of those characters where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be him or have him as my best friend. I read the first Odd Thomas novel at least a decade ago and was disappointed earlier this year when, after 16 novels, the series came to an end.
Those are my top ten. What are yours? Answer in the comments or create a post and link back so we can all find a few more good reads.

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Funny Tweets

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You know I’m a fan of Twitter and one of my favorite places to hang out is funny Twitter. Funny Twitter you ask? Yes, Funny Twitter. Twitter can be whatever you want and you can find groups of people from all over the world that share your interests. If you have an interest in hand painting the shells of left handed turtles, there’s a Twitter for that. It’s called Hand Painting Left Handed Turtle Shells Twitter! Duh! There’s Democrat Twitter, Republican Twitter, Canadian Twitter and British Twitter. If you belong to a group, there’s a Twitter for you. But my favorite Twitter is the one that commences at 5 p.m. U.S. EST on Friday. It’s Weekend Twitter! There are no holds barred. I will spare you some of the more.. ahem.. interesting tweets from Weekend Twitter. Here are some of my favorite recent tweets:

Have a great Tuesday and follow all these funny people on Twitter. ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Reasons I Want To Live in Hotels Forever!

Admittedly, this is a re-run. But it’s an appropriate one because I’m in a hotel all week this week for work. And, c’mon, seriously, who doesn’t want to live in a hotel? Am I right?

10. No lawn to mow: At hotels I won’t have any yardwork and yet the hedges will always be impeccably trimmed and sometimes in the whimsical shapes of animals. Or should it be the shapes of whimsical animals? Are animals capable of whimsy? I’m not even sure I am.

9. Housekeeping! Who doesn’t want their room cleaned every day? I imagine though that I’d develop an unhealthy Mom complex with my housekeeper to the point that she asks to be re-assigned to another floor.

8. The hotel bar: If I lived there it would be like Cheers and everyone would know my name and yell “Phil!” when I walk in.

7. Coffee in my room: I love just hopping out of bed, turning on the coffee maker and then hopping back in bed with my fresh cup of joe to watch the morning news.

6. The in room hotel safe: I don’t care if it’s tiny. I still feel cool as hell having a safe to lock things up with my secret code. I feel all Mission Impossible-like when I use the safe. I still can’t find a way to lower myself from the ceiling when I’m pretending to break into my own safe.

5. Fresh towels! Soft, cushy and clean every day. They make me feel like that fabric softener bear in the commercial. And btw, I’m only using them once. Re-using a towel is not going to save the planet. I saw a trash receptacle at my local supermarket that said “179 recycled milk jugs were used to create this trash can.” Are you kidding me? The time, energy and fossil fuel needed to make a giant trash can out of milk jugs probably shortened the life of this planet by a year. Don’t tell me to re-use my towels!

4. Weather: I grew up in upstate New York and I still live here. I’m sick and tired of snow. No, I don’t like the change of seasons. You know who says they like the change of seasons? People who live somewhere warm. Jackasses. Spend your whole life digging your car out of the snow six months a year and see if you like the change of seasons then. When I live in hotels I’ll never have to see snow again if I don’t want to.

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3. If You’re tired of the view you can move: If it’s the view from my room or just the city the hotel is in; if I’ve seen all there is to see I can just go to another hotel somewhere else. At some point you know I’ll be in Snow White’s Castle at Disney World. That will be awkward.

2. The friendly hotel staff: They have to be nice to you whether they like you or not. It’s not that I have any problem with people not liking me, but in real, non-hotel life sometimes other people are having bad days or whatever and are not nice. Within the safe confines of a hotel everyone is friendly and there to help. Who doesn’t enjoy groveling sycophants?

1. Being driven around: If I sold my house and car and lived in hotels I’d never have to drive again. At some point in the distant future my sight and reaction time will decline to the point that it would be unsafe for me to continue driving; but you know what? I’ll still have a driver’s license and no one will stop me. When I live in hotels I’ll just call for a taxi, shuttle bus or town car if I need to go somewhere. Me living in hotels will save lives, so if you would all go buy all of my books to the point that I get that trillion dollars I need, it may even save your life. Who knows? If left to my own devices I could be driving down your street someday and you don’t really want that do you?

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor feel free to share it by hitting the Facebok or Twitter share buttons below. Also, I’d love your vote for Funniest logger in the Annual Bloggers Bash Awards. You can vote  HERE !

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Things I Learned From Toddlers

10. A nap solves almost any problem. (I find this still applies in adulthood)

9. TV shows and movies are so much better when you watch them over and over until you have the lines memorized and then you watch them some more. (I’m convinced a child invented Netflix)

8. When you’re really bored you should just lay down on the floor no matter where you are.

7. If I cover my eyes I become invisible. (Wouldn’t it be great if this were true? At work this would come in handy)

6. Sliding glass doors are a really mean trick.

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5. Why do something for yourself if someone else will do it?

4. Sometimes just pointing is enough. (If only this worked when you’re dating!)

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3. If you can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

2. If you act tired someone will pick you up (this is mostly only applicable to toddlers and women in bars)

1. An ear piercing scream will get you out of almost any situation.

Do you have any fun ones to add from your experience? Please put them in the comments. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

 

Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Reasons I’m Not Spider-Man

As a kid growing up I loved Spider-Man comics because the internet hadn’t been invented yet. I wouldn’t want to be Spider-Man though and here’s why:

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10. The pay isn’t worth it: He’s doing that gig for free. He got into it because he had been too self-absorbed to stop a petty thief who later killed his uncle. If it’s me I save one life and call it even and then use the awesome strength and speed to go play pro football.

9. I like my beauty sleep: Dude goes to college, works part-time, then fights crime at night? Aint’ nobody got time for that. When does he even get time to watch TV?

8. That costume is a 24/7 wedgie: Holy crap Batman! That costume does not hide anything. He’s gotta be wearing a thong or going commando under that right? And the workout time he must need to stay in that kind of shape? No thanks. When Spidey gets to be thirty or forty years old and wants to slack off and enjoy some Krispy Kreme donuts that costume isn’t doing him any favors.

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7. The mask: Chicks dig a man of mystery, but you can’t kiss them through a mask. Also, the mask would just ruin my hair. I’ve got a full head of thick, lustrous hair that you can run your fingers through. I should know. I do it all the time. When I’m swinging through the city I want my hair rippling seductively in the breeze. If I’m fighting crime I’m going with just the black eye mask like Zorro.

6. A lot of spiders don’t really want to bite you: As a kid I spent weeks trying to provoke a spider into biting me so I’d get Spider-Man powers. Apparently they’re immune to sarcasm and insults.  I was bitten by a spider once. My finger swelled up for a day but I got no wall crawling ability.

6. No health insurance: I’m pretty sure Obamacare doesn’t cover injuries incurred while web slinging, wall crawling and fighting other costumed freaks.

5.  Anonymity sucks: Why do all superheroes hide their identities? Are you kidding? If I’ve got superpowers I’m not naming myself after a bug or hiding behind a mask. Why have the superpower if you can’t enjoy the fame? I’d be Phil. That would be my superhero name. It’s hard to be the lead on TMZ if they don’t know your name.

4. No commercial endorsements? By taking away the anonymity part of the job I’d be open to all sorts of commercial endorsement opportunities. A superhero still has to pay the electric bill somehow right?  “I may be a superhero by day, but when I take a Kapow! BLAM! or Kerplooie! right in the danger zone I may need a little help at night when I’m swinging with the ladies. That’s why I take Viagra! Camera pans out to show me and Catwoman sitting in bathtubs, holding hands and gazing at the New York skyline.

3. No vacation time: Superheroes are always morally obligated to help when lives are on the line and there’s danger afoot. Why is danger always afoot? Why can’t danger just sit there for a few days so Spider-Man can go to Cancun and lay on the beach? I want my four weeks off plus holidays.

2.  Chicks dig the bad boys: Sure, in the movies Spider-Man always has a girlfriend, but we all know that in real life chicks are looking for a guy with a little edginess and maybe a dark secret or two. I’m pretty sure that supervillain is the way to go if you’ve got superpowers and want a kick ass love life.

1. Blogging: Do you know any superheroes with a blog? I can barely keep this blog going three times a week. If I fought crime in addition to my day job it would mean the end of The Phil Factor, and when you get right down to it, we already have cops to fight the bad guys, but who’s gonna write The Phil Factor if I don’t?

Yes, some of you may remember this from almost two years ago. I’ve got a great idea for a new top ten but just couldn’t pull it together for today. As always, if you laughed at #ThePhilFactor that you think your friends would enjoy please share it by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog buttons below. Remember, with great swag comes great responsibility.