Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

Throwback Thursday! Angst Away! The Cure for That Valentine’s Stench

(02/15/14) That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere is starting to fade.

axe

Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom?

Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my blog feed yesterday I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner.

My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at.

Over the past several years most of American society has been completely nuts for The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.

Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great weekend and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little love by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, reblog, or other share button below.

Picture Credits: themetapicture.com and o.canada.com

Top Ten Tuesday! Top Ten Rejected Candy Heart Sayings

You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.

10. It’s not you, it’s me

9. Not a cold sore

8. Maybe Next Time

9d4c2a0dbdd9e271c4d21661b682ff36

7. Better late than never

6. It’s eczema. Yes, there.  I swear.

5. The Phil Factor

download-25

4. My last test was clean

3. You paying for dinner?

2. Almost divorced

images-17

1. It’s not yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?

Have a great day, Valentine’s or otherwise! ~Phil

#PHIL2020

Top Ten Tuesday! Top Ten Rejected Candy Heart Sayings

tmg-article_default_mobile

You know those chalky candy hearts that for the better part of a century have been shared on Valentine’s Day? They’re so cute with their little candy inscriptions of “I love you” or “Hugs” or other nonsense. I imagine though that there were some ideas that didn’t make it.

10. It’s not you, it’s me

9. Not a cold sore

8. Maybe Next Time

9d4c2a0dbdd9e271c4d21661b682ff36

7. Better late than never

6. It’s eczema. Yes, there.  I swear.

5. The Phil Factor

download-25

4. My last test was clean

3. You paying for dinner?

2. Almost divorced

images-17

1. It’s not yours!

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you! One of the things I’m in love with is comments. What are your funny ideas for rejected candy hearts sayings?

Have a great day, Valentine’s or otherwise! ~Phil

Happy Singles Awareness Day !

SAD

Yes! Tomorrow is finally Singles Awareness Day! Yup, it’s a real thing. I found it on Wikipedia, so it must be true. Have you bought yourself or someone else a Happy Singles Awareness Day card yet? Every other blog on the interwebs will bring you a post about love or Valentine’s Day this weekend. That’s why you come to #ThePhilFactor. I take a left turn when everyone else is going right. (usually when people tell you how awesome they are like I just did, it’s never true, but in this case that shoe fits like a glove)

Love doesn’t need it’s own holiday! Love is celebrated at anniversary’s, birthdays, and just about any holiday where partners give gifts. When I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I will pass a law mandating that Valentine’s Day AND Singles Awareness Day be celebrated equally. I will also mandate that unless February 14 falls on a Friday or Saturday, everyone has the next day off of work.

Somebody's etsy store

Somebody’s etsy store

Think about it! Relationships are constantly celebrated! There’s big parties about 50 year anniversaries. There’s local news features about the geriatric couple in the nursing home that have been married 75 years. Why not a little pop culture celebration of the singles life? On Singles Awareness Day guys can go out an do singles guy things like hang out with their bros and watch a game or go hunting. The singles ladies can take the day to get mani-pedi’s, go shopping,and  have margaritas with their other single friends in a bar where the guys go to celebrate after their day of single awesomeness.

Or you could pop over to Finland where Valentine’s Day is called Ystävänpäivä, which translates into “Friend’s day”. It’s more about celebrating your buddies than your loved ones. Of course Finland also has an astronomically high suicide rate, but I’m sure those two facts are totally unrelated.

Relationships and married life are great and have their advantages, but so does the single life. All of you married people out there, don’t you sometimes wish that you could do things on your own schedule? Don’t you sometimes wish you could choose what’s for dinner every night? Guys, would you rather see Deadpool this weekend, or The Choice? Sometimes if you’re married you don’t always have a choice. All the guys, and a few of the ladies reading this) said to themselves “Hell yeah I wanna see Deadpool!” At the same time, all the guys in long term relationships said, “I don’t know what The Choice is, but my wife/partner said we’re going to see it tonight.” (I’m going to see Deadpool today. Anybody want me to write a review tomorrow?)

416c45a21cfb53b00ba736cd8a659375

Being single is all about choices. Choices YOU get to make. Don’t bemoan the lack of another in your life this weekend, celebrate it. You choose when you get up, what you eat and where you go. And you can even try to choose who you go home with at the end of Singles Awareness Day!

Like I said, Singles Awareness Day is all about choices, so if you want, you can choose to show your love for #ThePhilFactor by sharing this by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

Throwback Saturday? The Present Tense

This post is for all the guys that may still be scrambling for a last minute gift for Valentine’s Day. For the ladies it may help you when you think to yourself, “What the hell was he thinking?” It was originally posted in 2006. Yes, I was blogging back then. It is also an excerpt from my book #FiftyShades of Phil.

Most-Awkward-Couples-Pictures16

The Present Tense

How we communicate, what’s important to us, and the inequities of societal grooming expectations are all ways men and women differ. Another great divide between the sexes is our views on presents. Anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas can all make or break a relationship from a woman’s perspective. My current quandary is Valentine’s Day is coming up and I have the pressure of choosing a present. My problem is that I think of presents like a guy and she thinks of presents like a woman. Here are a few examples of how men and women might view the same present differently and why I’m terrified of choosing and may just give her cash.

Example 1

Guy: Happy Anniversary honey! Here’s a card, a dozen roses, and I’ve taken out a second mortgage so I can fly you to Paris for a candlelight dinner on top of the Eiffel Tower!

Woman: You are so sweet! With all my work this week I didn’t have time to get you a present. I’m sorry. How about if I make it up to you (wink, wink) back at the hotel after dinner?

Guy: YAHTZEE! (fist pump)

1337256000000.cached

Example 2:

Woman: Happy Anniversary honey! Here’s a card and a present!

Guy: An Ipad6! Thanks baby, this is great! With all my work this week I didn’t have time to get you a present. I’m sorry. How about if I make it up to you (wink, wink) in the bedroom tonight? (sly smile)

Woman: You forgot! How could you be so thoughtless?!!? You can sleep on the couch tonight! (storms out, door slams) (Calm down all you tech geeks, the IPad 6 isn’t out yet)

Sometimes even the presents themselves can mean different things to men and women. Here are some examples of presents men might give, how we mean them, and what they mean to women.

1. A romantic card with breakfast in bed, flowers sent to your work, and a nice dinner out.

What men are trying to say: “Will you sleep with me?”

What women think: “He’s a sweet, thoughtful guy.”

2. A safety kit for your car with road flares, tools, and a shovel.

What men are trying to say: “I love you and I want you to be safe.”

What women think: “What a thoughtless, un-romantic oaf.”

article-2277879-17898693000005DC-409_634x641

3. Lingerie

What men are trying to say: “I think you are a beautiful, sexy woman.”

What women think: “That selfish bastard is thinking with his little head instead of his big head.”

4. Any kind of home appliance.

What men are trying to say: “I’ve noticed how hard you work. I want to make your life easier.”

What women think:

“If this isn’t grounds for justifiable homicide, I don’t know what is!”

All of this thinking out loud isn’t getting me any closer to choosing a present. If you’ve got any suggestions I’d love to hear them in the comments section below. If you enjoy my nonsense check out my books on Amazon, B&N and the iTunes bookstore so I can afford to buy my wife a present that adequately compensates her for being married to me. As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor or know some one who needs some present buying guidance, please share on Facebook or Twitter by the buttons below.

A Special Valentine’s Day Interview with The Dating Doctor!

David Coleman is The Dating Doctor. Is he a doctor who is dating? Is he dating a doctor? I don’t know and it’s none of our business. What I do know is that David has spoken on relationships and leadership to audiences all over the world.  For those of you unprepared for the holiday coming up tomorrow we’ll focus on the dating part.  Don’t worry my literary friends; David’s expertise won’t be limited to just the questions I ask here.  He’s got books. Books you need to read before you do further damage to your love life.

news.uwlax.edu

news.uwlax.edu

TPF: David, thank you for taking the time to visit The Phil Factor. As you may have suspected, people read my blog. Often they’re people who spend more time relating to others online than in person. What advice about relationships do you have for people in our increasingly social media focused world?

David: To “hover” a few seconds before you hit the send button on a text, post, tweet or mail message.  Once you hit send, you have put your words, video or pictures in motion and that action cannot be reversed, and never erased, so you need to be comfortable with all the possible ramifications of the way your words or pictures are received.  Also remember, if you publicly play out your relationship on line, every day, its success or failure will be just as public as well.   

TPF: What is the biggest mistake people make early in a relationship that could doom their chances for success?

David:  They mistake infatuation for love and fall far too fast, far too soon.  Infatuation is INTENSE. It is short-lived, demanding and can turn normally rational people into “life is too short…let’s do it” optimists.  They say and do things normally reserved for couples who are a bit farther down the line in a relationship and then wonder why they, nor their partner can keep up the level of intensity they felt when they first met. 

There are three primary types of loves people experience:  Eros (Physical), Agape (Heartfelt) and Philia (Friendship).  When a couple allows infatuation to rule their actions, they often skip the development of these stages and then get very disappointed in the end when things “just didn’t work out.”

Date-Smart-430x594

TPF: What’s the most impactful way someone can grab the attention of someone they are interested in but don’t know in a crowded/busy social setting?

David:  Eye contact…smile…say hello.  The look you share, the words you use, the way you express yourself and the interest you show will separate you from those who didn’t have the guts to at least say hello.  Holding a gaze just for one extra moment and accompanying it with a coy smile lets that person know that among people in a crowded setting, you noticed THEM.  Then, before leaving, you need to walk up to them and say, “I just wanted you to know that I noticed you.  This is my card (or my name or my email address or my number…).  If you ever want to even have coffee, say hello and meet, it would be my honor.”  Then graciously walk away.  Take the high road. The view is always better from there!

TPF: Craziest question you’ve ever been asked? And what was your answer?

David:  A woman came up to me after a show and said, “I’ll bet you have never heard this one…My husband is having an affair…with my mother!”  This lady and her husband had a weekly sporting event they took part in, but they were on different teams.  She found out that he would skip his games and return home to be with her mother who was supposedly watching their children while they were out competing.  My advice to her was, to return home early from her game the following week and walk back into the house with several close friends as witnesses along with her so that it would not be her word against theirs and so that they would be caught red-handed in the act.  I also suggested that she get a top-notch therapist and good legal advice if she indeed intended to head in the direction of ending her marriage.  I heard from her a year later.  She was doing well, had met someone new and felt as if she was at a healthy point in her life.  Her husband had been distant and abusive for years so this unfortunate situation gave her the courage and strength to move on.  Her and her mother, “we’re still working things out.”

Making-Relationships-Matter-Book-1

TPF: Your traditional education, Bachelor’s and Master’s aren’t in Psychology or counseling. How did you come to a career in writing books and speaking on dating and relationships?

David: As an undergraduate and graduate student both of my degrees had a high degree of social work, psychology and communications in their curriculum so I received a heavy dose of human nature and communication training.  From a young age, I had the innate ability to read people, know where they were in their life and give them the advice that the needed to hear, not necessarily what they wanted to hear.  I didn’t care if people liked me, only if they learned from me and my service or advice exceeded their needs and expectations.   I also seemed to have the ability to introduce people to each other whom I felt “might hit it off.”  My outgoing personality served as a bit of an ice-breaker and allowed others to meet with me as a conduit.  Then, they could return and ask me questions and my advice seemed to really help them. Thus, a career was born.

TPF: Our mutual friend, magician James David, referred to you as “A real life Dating Doctor like Will Smith played in the movie, “HITCH!”” Would you say that’s accurate?

David: First, James is an amazing talent and magician.  I am proud to call him my friend and yes, he is accurate. What Will Smith’s character portrayed in the movie Hitch is what I do every single day professionally. Like he helped Kevin James’s character connect to the love of his life, I help 10 or more just like him in real life on a weekly basis.  I basically try to help people get out of their way as many are self-sabotaging their chances of being happy and meeting someone with whom they would be ideally compatible.  I have dozens of success stories under my belt over the past 20 years and enjoy working with people who are seeking healthy relationships and unbridled happiness.  Talk is cheap.  I am not.  I have found that people who pay a price work twice as hard as those who “want something for free.”

Let-Your-Leadership-Speak-Book-1

TPF: In your experience, are men more clueless about what women want in a relationship, or is it the other way around?

David:  They are both mystified at times because the game keeps changing.  The speed of the internet and social media, the explosion of dating apps on our smart phones, the increase in the number of people using dating sites and the lack of real human interaction due to texting and tweeting, etc.  has made both sexes wonder just how dialed in they are to the opposite sex.  You also have an increase in the number of people identifying themselves as bi-sexual, a-sexual, pansexual, transgender…and this keeps both men and women wondering, learning, experimenting and searching for people like me to help them navigate the often treacherous waters of dating, relationships, romance, sex, marriage, divorce and dating after divorce.   This is why I try to stay dialed in to the current trends and am not afraid to have candid dialogue with my clients and audiences.  You never get a wasted day back, so spending time heading in the wrong direction or paralyzed by fear is simply unacceptable.

TPF: David, thank you again for taking time out of what must certainly be a very busy week for you. For those that want to learn more about David, including his book on leadership as well as his books on relationships you can visit his website,   www.DatingDoctor.com and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.  Seriously, check out his website. He has some pretty impressive accolades. If you’d like some of David’s coaching you can call or e-mail him too!  Direct Coaching:  1-866-Date-Smart (1-866-328-3762) or email: TheDatingDoctor@mac.com

As always, if you want to share the love you get from #ThePhilFactor please hit the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Is there any better gift for your Valentine than The Phil Factor? Umm…nevermind. Don’t answer that.

TBT! Angst Away! The Cure for that Valentine’s Stench

(02/15/2014) That’s right ladies and gentlemen, it’s Angst Away! The body spray that covers up your pure hatred of Valentine’s Day! Can you smell it? A day after Valentine’s Day the smell of romantic angst everywhere is starting to fade.

axe

Look, I don’t have all the answers in life. I’m just a boy, standing in front of a computer asking you to read my blog, which in my world equates to love. If I get that little “like” click or God forbid, (gasp), a comment, I suddenly turn into Tom Cruise jumping on Oprah’s couch. Yeah, how’d that work out for you Tom?

Back to Valentine’s Day. Scrolling through my blog feed yesterday I saw/read more Valentine’s Day angst than I’ve ever seen. Some were trying to identify the perfect Valentine’s Day, some wanted to promote the even keel approach to showing love every day, and others decried the whole holiday as a giant societal “F you” to anyone who doesn’t currently have a romantic partner. (Yes, that’s Charles Manson and his new wife)

itheedread.jexebel.com

itheedread.jexebel.com

My thought is this: Jeez, lighten up everybody. Valentine’s Day is not out to get you. It’s not out to tell you anything about your life. Do you get upset around Labor Day because other people work harder than you? Don’t be an idiot. Your perspective is like a telescope. You only see what you choose to aim it at. Over the past several years most of American society has been completely nuts for The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, both very romantic shows. Well guess what? I don’t care. I’m sure they’re great TV shows, but they’re not a big deal for me. If people want to enjoy those shows, great for them. It’s fun to have something in common to talk about with others, but I don’t think I’m an incomplete person because I don’t watch them and I don’t stress if I missed the season finale.

Valentine’s Day should be treated the same way. If you don’t like it, change the channel, focus on something else. I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I’ve noticed a pattern. Valentine’s Day happens every year on February 14th, then it goes away, and guess what? You’re still here and so is everyone else. You’d better keep your guard up though because St. Patrick’s Day is just around the corner and those happy Irish folks are also out to make you feel bad because you don’t have a shamrock tattooed on your ass. (I’m not saying I do or don’t. It might just be an example.)

Like I said, I don’t have all the answers. I have a blog and my perspective. You have your perspective too, and you can change it if you want. Have a great weekend and if you liked #ThePhilFactor show me a little Valentine’s love by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, reblog, or other share button below. Make sure to come back tomorrow to read my interview with The Dating Doctor!

Picture Credits: themetapicture.com and o.canada.com