Category Archives: travel

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Kind Of True Facts About Norway

Hei mine norske venner! My blog views by country typically go United States, European Union, England, Canada and then a handful from a random assortment of other countries. About 6-8 months ago Norway joined the list right behind Canada every month with 6-10 views and now it’s up to 6-10 views a day.  I’ve never written about Norway or any celebrities from Norway, so I was intrigued. In an effort to try to provoke a reaction or declaration of war from Norway I came up with this list of kind of true facts about the tiny island nation of Norway.

10. Everyone from Norway looks like the picture above: Yes, I did a little research and it seems that Norwegians are overly fond of plaid. And jumping.

9. Norway Hates Walmart: Norway as a country is not in trillions of dollars  of debt like the United States. Norway in fact has a s–tload of money and a few years ago it stopped investing in Walmart because Norway as a country thinks Walmart is a humongous jerk.

8. Norwegian Babies Get Too Much Parenting: In Norway fathers have 14 weeks of mandatory paternity leave when their child is born. In fact, Norwegians only reproduce just to get the time off from work.

7. There’s a town in Norway called Hell: I’m pretty sure it freezes over all the time. What do they say in place of that “Hell freezes over” joke?

6. There Are No Famous Norwegians: I looked up “famous Norwegians.” On the first list I found, three of the top 12 were two “YouTube stars”, one didn’t even have a picture, and a 15 year old blogger who has only been blogging since 2013. Amateur. I considered contacting her for an interview as a representative of Norway, but she writes her blog entirely in Norwegian! How is that going to help anyone? I tried to contact Norway’s most popular comedian, Espen Eckbo, but he’s either dead or can’t read my e-mails written in English.

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5. Norwegians have funny names like Espen for example. I don’t know why they don’t name their kids something normal and cool like Pilot Inspektor or Fifi Trixibelle, or maybe North West.

4. In 2008 Norway knighted a penguin: Hey, if Donald Trump has a shot at being President, why can’t a penguin be a knight. It sounds like the conclusion to a Disney movie doesn’t it?

3. Norwegians are trying to fool everyone: Voss “artesian” bottled water is just tap water from Iveland, Norway.

logoVossWater

2. Lutefisk is an aphrodisiac: The fish, native to Nordic waters, is believed to enhance the sex drive of both men and women. Unfortunately lutefisk has a disgusting gelatinous texture so no one eats it. If all the Norwegians ate lutefisk and reproduced correspondingly there would be enough Norwegians to take over every country in the world.

1. According to scientists the zombie apocalypse “most likely” to begin in Norway: Due to the constant permafrost, bodies buried in Norway don’t decompose, meaning that with the right conditions and after a good Spring thaw they’re ready to get up and go.

If anyone from Norway is reading this, say so in the comments and leave your email and I’ll interview you. As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it with your favorite Norwegian by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog button below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Canada: Elaborate Winter Theme Park or Dangerous Adversary?

(Originally posted 10/18/2014) You know how people talk about “the elephant in the room” when they’re referring to something that’s obvious but everyone is pretending to ignore? Canada is the elephant in North America. It’s there but we don’t really pay it much attention, unless Rob Ford goes nuts or…umm…or…uhh..well, I guess there isn’t anything else that makes us notice Canada. I’m also not sure that Rob Ford isn’t a theme park character anyway. (Rob, if you’re reading this, get well. I’m rooting for you)

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Canada has been a particularly big elephant to ignore in my life because I’ve never lived more than a 2 1/2 hour drive from their border. I live in New York, but I’m closer to Toronto than I am to New York City. That being the case I’ve always had a good view of Canada but from a safe distance. Sometimes I throw things at it. All those sunset pictures you’ve seen on my blog? That’s Canada on the other side of that lake looming ominously, maybe even leering at me.

Just like going to Disney, as soon as you cross the border into Canada you know you’re somewhere “different.” It’s kind of like where you just were but things are slightly off. As soon as you cross the border into Canada it’s snowing. It could be the middle of July and the entire country is blanketed in snow. I’m not even sure it’s real snow. I think they just produce the fake stuff for the tourists. But is there an even more sinister reason they’re trying to “snow” us?

reddit.com

reddit.com

They also seem to be using that newfangled metric system that everyone was so jazzed up about years ago. Basically that means that all their numbers are in a different language the same way the Smurfs had their own weird little language. I have no idea how to tell time in metric either.

Speaking of different languages, the province of Quebec speaks French! I don’t think that’s an accident either. I think that Quebec is the secret headquarters of Canada. They speak French because they know that all the Americans are too lazy to learn it. They speak French right out in the open, in front of Americans! Arrogant bastards. Since we can’t understand them, they’re free to talk about their secret plan to invade America.

If it were any other country, that type of subterfuge would be worrisome, but we’ve seen their “army” so we’re not too concerned.

popdoctor.com

popdoctor.com

Another oddity that most people don’t know is that their primary export is not maple syrup or Tim Horton’s coffee, it’s comedians. Seth Rogen, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, John Candy, Alan Thicke, Michael J. Fox, Howie Mandel, Martin Short and Justin Bieber are just a few of the thousands of comedians and comedic actors and actresses that have been sent across the border to infiltrate and warp the American culture. Seriously, if Justin Bieber isn’t evidence that the Canadians are trying to destroy America then I don’t know what is.

As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor and want to alert everyone to the looming Canadian threat then please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below. Canada is no laughing matter. Have a great week! ~Phil

TBT! Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas

This is one of my favorite posts from 2011. I wrote it after visiting Barcelona and I’m reposting it today because two of my WordPress friends, Suzie Speaks and Anita and Richard of No Particular Place to Go are visiting Barcelona this week. After reading this, go visit their blogs for some absolutely spectacular pictures of an incredible city, (where apparently there was a blog conference that I wasn’t invited to).

Speedos, Cigs, and Vespas! (09/20/2011)

Believe it or not, TSA allowed me on a flight to Europe last week. I think they were hoping I only had a one way ticket because I definitely had an easier time getting out of the U.S. than back into it. My job took me to Spain and I managed not to get into a fight with any one from any country. Apparently The Phil Factor is universally adored.

The trip however, was an education.

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1. Europeans are not afraid of lung cancer. How cool is that? In the long run that isn’t a bad thing either because it will result in fewer Europeans. Apparently word that cigarettes are bad for you hasn’t reached Europe yet. The Europeans love their cigs just about anytime of day anyplace they are no matter what they’re doing. The world class hotel I stayed in even had an entire floor of rooms set aside for smokers. Fortunately although I am not a smoker, I was graciously placed on the smoking floor so that I could enjoy the wonderful European ambience.

2. Europeans aren’t afraid of skin cancer either. Based on my observations I think  Europeans are in better physical shape than Americans and they are damn proud of it, especially at the beach in front of my hotel where clothing was optional. Unfortunately much of their pride in their bodies was sadly overestimated by the owners of many of those bodies. There needs to be an upper age limit imposed for beach nudity. And the dudes over there seriously love their Speedos. I saw a guy jogging in a Speedo, and he was smoking at the same time.

3. 9 o’clock is the new 4 o’clock: I think I figured out why the Europeans are in better shape than we are. They eat at weird times. They don’t lunch until about 2 pm and dinner until 9 or 10 pm. If I had to wait until 10 pm for my dinner, most days I would either pass out from low blood sugar or just plain fall asleep and miss the meal altogether.

View from my hotel when I was there

View from my hotel when I was there

4. The Euro rocks: The American dollar may buy less and less these days, but the Euro is awesome. One Euro is like $40 American! Do you know how many Speedos you can buy with a Euro? Me neither. I swear.  Apparently all the Europeans spend their Euro’s on Speedos, cigs and Vespas.

If you enjoy my nonsense and want to travel to far away exotic lands through the power of reading you can subscribe to The Phil Factor on your Amazon Kindle and follow me on Twitter @ThePhilFactor.

 

TBT! Vermont: The Liechtenstein of North America!

Vermont is one of the politically and socially weirdest states in the union so how could I not make fun of it? Had I known last year that their Senator was going to run for President I would have included him. Of course last year I wasn’t entirely sure if Vermont had Senators. Quick, can anyone name the other one?

(8/23/2014) Aaah….Vermont! The lush rolling hills of green, home of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and….and….Well, I guess there really isn’t anything else.

Picture credit:someecards

Oh, sorry, there is more in Vermont. There’s more cows and maple trees than there are people. The prideful Vermonter will of course remind you that there is skiing and snowboarding on all their wonderful mountains. Of course there’s skiing and snowboarding! It’s winter ten months out of the year. In the northern part of Vermont, which might as well be Canada, there’s still snow on the tops of mountains now! Actually, we did try to give away the northern part of Vermont to Canada once but the Canucks said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me?” Well, they said it in a little Frenchy accent. (Memo to self: Write a Phil Factor about Canada’s weirdness)

Actually, the idea that the United States would give away Vermont isn’t that far fetched. Vermont was once it’s own independent country for 14 years. It’s the Liechtenstein of North America. That ought to be their state motto. Instead their state motto is “Freedom and Unity” because they’re never sure if they want to secede from the union or admit that they’re just the other half of New Hampshire.

Picture credit: popculturetees.com

Picture credit: popculturetees.com

And they’re not even the good half! Vermont is the only New England state that doesn’t have an inch of beachfront property on the Atlantic.

Vermont is an ironic state too. Maybe they meant to be funny when they did this, but the state has no law against public nudity. One small city does, but in the rest of the state you can go anywhere you want buck ass nekkid! It’s ironic that it’s always too cold there to be naked outside and ironically, there aren’t a whole lot of Vermonters you’d want to see naked due to the amount of dairy products and maple syrup that the state consumes. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Diabetic Capitol of The World Since 1791!

I wasn’t kidding about the cows. They’re everywhere. There’s so many that Vermont uses their waste to create energy from the methane gas. Maybe their state motto should be: Vermont: Powered by Poop!

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Oh yeah, see all that empty space behind Maria Von Trapp? That’s Vermont. At the end of the movie when the Von Trapps escaped the Nazis they fled to Vermont. I kid you not. The Von Trapp Family Lodge is still there. (That’s really the link. Somehow Maria was smart enough to purchase the domain name 60 years ago.) The Nazis, who used to be world champs at holding a grudge, were going to pursue the Von Trapps but when they heard they settled in Vermont they said, “Ugh, Vermont? Are you kidding me? That’s punishment enough.”

As always, if you enjoyed #ThePhilFactor please share it with your favorite Vermonter by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or re-blog button below. Be sure to come back Saturday morning for…well…hopefully something funny that I’ll think of by then. (suggestions are always welcome)  ~Phil

 

6 Questions with Greenland Expert Sarah Woodall

Photo credit Pilu Nielsen

Photo credit Pilu Nielsen

TPF:  Tell us a little about how you came to work in Greenland and how much time do you spend there?

Sarah: The cut-to-the-chase answer is that I was in graduate school getting a Master of Tourism Administration and in November 2011 a representative from Visit Greenland, the national tourist board, came to my school to give a recruitment presentation about summer internships. The pitch was to travel to Nuuk, Greenland for a four-month internship in summer 2012, work at the national tourist board, and live with a local family to get a close experience with the typical Greenlandic lifestyle. As exciting an offer as this sounded on paper, it was actually a beautiful video showing Greenland’s nature, smiling people, whales, and incredible ice, that hooked me with goosebumps and all. Watch the exact video here!

After the internship period, Visit Greenland proposed to hire me, which I most happily accepted. I just recently celebrated the three year anniversary of my first day in Greenland, at which point I marveled over the fact that between work and holiday both, I have spent a total of 16 months in Greenland – not only in the capital but also in many other towns around the coast. It’s the most amazing life I could imagine.

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TPF: What surprised you the most when you first arrived in Greenland?

The first place I ever experienced in Greenland was Nuuk, the capital city. What surprised me was how incredibly cosmopolitan it was! Even though I knew the population of Nuuk, I guess I expected a place more along the lines of what small towns look like in Greenland. There’s so much infrastructure, fashionable clothing, beautiful homes with even nicer furnishings than my own home in Washington, D.C., and everyone had the full line of Apple products. I remembered thinking, ‘In terms of material life, there’s nothing to ‘adjust to’ in Greenland!”

Now that I’ve traveled to 19 towns and settlements in Greenland, I know that all of Greenland cannot be generalized by the Nuuk ruler. I suggest to anyone traveling to Greenland that they experience multiple places in Greenland to be able to understand the great lifestyle spectrum that Greenland has.

Photo credit Sarah Goodall

Photo credit Sarah Woodall

TPF: Have you had any funny cultural misunderstandings?

Sarah: Yes! I was attending a colleague’s kaffemik, a social gathering to celebrate everything from birthdays to weddings to first days of school. When I got to the door and started removing my shoes – because Greenlanders never wear outdoor shoes inside the house – I suddenly realized I wasn’t wearing socks. My colleague said I should just wear my shoes inside, no problem, but I wasn’t going to do that, and I definitely wasn’t going to walk around barefoot. So I ran home to get a pair of socks! Fortunately I lived just down the street.

There’s also definitely a noticeable cultural difference in how shy Greenlanders can be, especially at first meetings. While in other cultures one might start with a firm handshake, a big smile, and jump right into a firing squad of questions, in Greenland this would almost be an over-the-top infringement on personal space. It takes time to get to such an open level with Greenlanders, so even at a celebratory kaffemik, it is not uncommon to sit in shared silence around the table.

TPF:  Do you speak any Danish?

Sarah: Danish is the colonial language of Greenland, one of two official languages. I do read, write, and speak quite a bit of Danish, though I would not consider myself fluent. I learned it more or less by osmosis. Danish is the more common working language around the office, not to mention when I am in Nuuk, I’m living in a home where Danish is the first language.

However, what is more exciting for me is that I am also reading, writing, and speaking some Greenlandic, though also not fluently by any means. Greenlandic is the mother tongue of Greenland and looks like nothing you have probably ever seen before as it is a polysynthetic language that adds multiple suffices to a root to create full sentences in what looks like a single word. Therefore, I’m pretty proud to be learning it! Want to see what it looks like? Check out the website for Sermitsiaq.AG, one of the newspapers.

Taken at 11:50 pm in June 2013

Taken at 11:50 pm in June 2013 by Sarah Woodall

Since I am not fluent in either of the official languages in Greenland, my daily interactions are some combination of English, Greenlandic, and Danish. By the way, in autumn this year (2015), there will be a book out called ‘Inussuk’ about internationals’ experiences living in Greenland, and I have made a written contribution to the chapter about language. (The book has already been published in Danish, and now this is the English version on the way.)

TPF: Wow, that’s exciting! Here’s some questions from other Phil Factor readers

From Done Dreaming : Coincidently I’m reading Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig and have just got to the part where he says if you live in Greenland you are 27 times more likely to kill yourself than if you live in Greece.

Sarah: While this is certainly the darker side of life, I feel that since the topic has been proposed I should address it the best I can citing findings from a report from the Greenlandic government. Danish title: “Selvmord, Selvmordsforsøg, og Selvmordstanker i Grønland”. Translated English title: “Suicide, Suicide Attempts, and Suicidal Thoughts in Greenland”.

Suicide has increased over time in Greenland.
-Male Greenlanders commit suicide much more than females.
-Suicide is more common in towns than in settlements.
-Younger Greenlanders commit suicide much more than older generations.

Many outside of Greenland will hypothesize that it must be the dark, cold winters that drive Greenlanders to suicide, but this is just so superficial and, no offense, so ignorant of an assumption. Aside from the fact that mental disease can affect any population in the world, there are far more complex Greenland-specific factors at play than latitude.

For example, the political climate of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s was full of turmoil and still has implications today. At the time, Denmark was a firm colonial power and, for example, forced Greenlanders to move from small settlements – where life was close to nature, self-subsistent, and full of space and physical activity – to larger towns – where life was farther from nature and totally lacking of space and privacy. If you can get your hands on them, I HIGHLY recommend two films that explain this period in Greenlandic history extremely well. They have English subtitles. Sume is a feature-length film that uses music as the storytelling method, and Qaannat Alannguanni / I Skyggen af Kayakkerne / In the Shadow of the Kayaks is a more academic 5-part narrated series.

From Outlier Babe: What things did the great book “Smilla’s Sense of Snow” get wrong about Greenland?

Sarah:  I’m sorry to say that I actually have never read this book, although I certainly know of it as many tourists say it was one of their first connections with Greenland. What I can say they got right from just the title is that Smilla is a common name in Greenland. In fact, I have a friend whose beautiful daughter is called Smilla.

Outlier Babe: Is the population growing or shrinking? If the latter, why?

Sarah: The population is generally shrinking. The all-time high population was a decade ago (56,969 residents in 2005), and since then, aside from a few years of growth from 2009-2011, there has been gradual decline. The total loss is just under 2%, which for such a small population can have great implications.

There are so many factors that contribute to population size in Greenland, so I won’t make any definitive correlations here other than to simply identify some of them.

There’s quite a high prevalence of temporary foreign workers living in Greenland, primarily from Denmark. Nurses and others from the medical field, for example, will come to Greenland for work for 1-3 years and then return home.

There’s quite a high prevalence of young Greenlanders leaving the country for higher education, again primarily to Denmark but also to other countries around the world. Many return to Greenland after receiving their degree, but many do not.

There’s quite a high prevalence of Greenlanders leaving the country, again primarily to Denmark, once their children reach school age – presumably to put them in a better school system, however there are absolutely schools in Greenland, public and private, where Greenlanders can be educated from the first class up to PhD level at Ilisimatusarfik (Greenland University). Degrees at the University include Language/Literature/Media, Journalism, and others.

Outlier Babe: How did Thai’s wind up in Greenland? The others I can work out, but not so much the Thais.

Sarah: Well, I won’t dare to speak on behalf of all Thai people in Greenland! But it’s the same mentality as why Thai tourists want to visit Greenland – Greenland is exotic, unique, and totally different from what they know at home in terms of culture, nature, and yes, temperature! We hear continuously from tourists living in tropical countries that they are fascinated with the Arctic because of the winter snow and ice.

TPF: Sarah, thank you so much for your time. You have been a wonderful ambassador for your second country. For my readers, you can follow Sarah’s blog on WordPress at Adventures of a Polarphile and you can find out more info on Greenland.com. Have a great Friday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! 10 Possibly True Facts About Greenland!

Last week I was reading someone’s blog and they noted that as far as they could tell, they had never had a reader from Greenland. I of course said I had a huge following in #Greenland. I was lying. So, in an effort to increase my readers from Greenland I did a little research. Very little. It was tough to find ten facts about Greenland on the internet because outside of Greenland, nobody really knows what goes on there. Here are 10 possibly true facts about Greenland:

Taylor Swift thinking about Greenland. fanpop.com

Taylor Swift thinking about Greenland. fanpop.com

10. Taylor Swift HATES Greenland: Three of her breakup songs are about Greenland.

9. Greenland is considered part of North America: Like the nose picking kid in elementary school that no one wants to do a school project with, nobody really wanted it as part of their continent, but the United Nations had to assign it to somebody.

8. What happens in Greenland Stays in Greenland: They originated that motto, but when no one could figure out what happens in Greenland they let Las Vegas have it.

7. Greenland should have been named Whiteland because the name Iceland was already taken and 75-80% of Greenland is covered by ice and snow.

dpchallenge.com

dpchallenge.com

6.  Cartographers are morons: Despite how it looks on maps, Greenland is actually a third the size of Australia.

5. Dora the Explorer refuses to explore Greenland. In fact she said, “Who the  hell wants to go there? It’s fecking cold all year. No thank you.” I don’t know. I was watching and it was in Spanish, but I think that’s what she said.

4. When that “ice bucket challenge” was going on the people in Greenland were actually daring each other to pour warm water over their heads. Unfortunately they couldn’t find any. (Warm water that is, not their heads. They found those right on top of their necks.)

3. Greenland was originally settled by aliens, but the aliens left to settle on the dark side of Pluto where it’s warmer.

2. Greenland is where Australia sends their criminals.

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1. Game of Thrones is a documentary about modern day Greenland: Very few people are aware that dragons and boobs are native to Greenland.

I wasn’t able to find any information on the internet to dispute these facts and since there is literally only one internet provider in Greenland, no one there may ever read this. If you know anyone from #Greenland please share this by hitting the Facebook, Twitter, or re-blog buttons below so that we can get confirmation of these facts. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Top Ten Tuesday! Ten Stereotypes about New York & New Yorkers

backdropsbeautiful.com

backdropsbeautiful.com

10. New York City is all there is to New York: Although residents of New York City would have you believe this statement is true, it’s not. Believe it or not, the state of New York is fairly large and contains lots of mountains, rivers and lakes, none of which are in Central Park.  There’s even Amish in many parts of New York state. I may have mentioned them here once or twice. I’m not ashamed to say I may run off to join them.

9. New York City is just Manhattan: While Manhattan is what you see in most movies, NYC is much more with the other four boroughs each having distinct differences and personalities. Manhattan however thinks it’s better than everywhere else, and it’s right.

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8. All New Yorkers speak with a Brooklyn accent: Fuggedda boud it! Dat ain’t true, and if you say it is I’ll punch you in da nose! You know who speaks with a Brooklyn accent? Some of the people from Brooklyn.

7. New Yorkers are rude: Only the jerks say that, so shut up.

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6. New York is the biggest city in the world! By population it’s actually the 8th largest after places like Jakarta, Manila, and Karachi. It is however the largest by geographic area. If you think New York is crowded, imagine how crowded those other cities with smaller geography but larger populations are!

5. New Yorkers talk fast: Ok, this one is true. I’ve traveled to other parts of our country and other countries in the world and New Yorkers, both from the city and upstate seem a little more tightly wound than others. Admittedly, I can barely stand to wait for other people to finish their looong, slooow sentences.  If a I were to read my blog aloud this whole post would only take 12 seconds. That’s why I don’t do a podcast.

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4. The City That Never Sleeps: That’s why New Yorkers are so irritable. They’re exhausted.

3. New York is the Concrete Jungle: Yeah, a lot of New York City does not have a lot of vegetation, but then you’ve got lush, green Central Park which is larger than Belgium and Lichtenstein combined. The rest of the state north of New York is practically a giant Amazon rain forest.

2. Everyone in New York always drinks $6 lattes: That’s not true. Sometimes we drink the $8 ones when we’re really thirsty.

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1. New York is full of violence and crime: When I was younger and I’d meet people from other places they would ask, “Do you get mugged a lot?” These were the people who assumed New York was just ‘the city’. Actually I’d bet that New York has less crime than a lot of other places if only because you never know who might decide to kick the crap out of you at any given moment. In fact, the only people ISIS is afraid of are New Yorkers, (and maybe a few biker gangs from Texas).

These are only jokes. Like I said, I live upstate with the Amish and the trees. If you want to follow a real blog about life in New York City check out Mary Lane Townsend’s New York Cliche.  It’s a great blog and she also posts some awesomely spectacular pictures on Instagram.

Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil

Throwback Thursday! Ten Things I Learned in London and Paris

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(05/13/14) 10. It’s just a ten minute walk: If you ask anyone in London directions to anywhere they’ll tell you it’s just a ten minute walk. Me: “Excuse me sir, I’d like to visit the Swiss Alps. How do I get there?” English doorman: “Oh that’s easy. Just go to the corner, turn left, walk a bit and then go right at the sign. It’s about a ten minute walk.”

9. The English are terrible at giving directions: No offense to my English friends, but some of your countrymen are completely barmy when giving directions. I don’t know, maybe they were just screwing with tourists for fun. When I’d ask for directions I always needed to ask directions two more times along the way.

8. It’s time to spruce up your money: The queen is on every piece of money. It’s confusing. You’re a country that’s been around forever and only one person is worthy of being on your money? How about Elton John, David Beckham, Dr. Who or the Monty Python guys?

7. Every building is important: I took a guided tour of the city in the open top of a double-decker bus with a tour guide giving information over the P.A. system. Every frickin’ building in London is at least a thousand years old and used to be something important. Tour guide: “The building on your right may be a McDonald’s now, but in the year 1237 it was the McDonald’s where William Shakespeare wrote all of his plays while noshing on a McRib.”

6. The English don’t learn: About 500 years ago half of London’s population was wiped out by a plague transmitted by fleas from rats. The English were saved when Bennie Hill accidentally knocked over a lantern in Mrs. O’Leary’s barn and the whole city burned down, killing the rats and their fleas. Last week it was a very pleasant day as I strolled through a park and saw many, many English happily feeding squirrels out of their hands. Yes, the same squirrels that we in America regard as nothing more than rats with fluffy tails. Hello? Has it occurred to the English that squirrels can carry fleas? When there’s another plague in London I won’t be surprised.

5. The French are nice: Contrary to their reputation I found the French to be very friendly. Of course I only spent a day there and I was spending money in their shops and restaurants, but whenever I entered anywhere I was greeted with a cheerful “Bon jour!” and when I left a just as friendly “Au revoir!”  Definitely nicer than going into stores in the States.  The picture below is me on the second observation deck of the Eiffel Tower.

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4. If you’re lactose intolerant France is not your friend: I ate at two small restaurants on the day I was there. Every item on both menus included cheese.

3. The English know how to start the day: Big breakfasts full of ham and sausage and eggs. I miss those. The English don’t stop there though. They add eggs to all kinds of sandwiches all day long too. They also eat a lot of duck. Duck eggs, I’m not sure about.

2. The American Champagne: In conversation with me an Englishman joked that Coke is “The American Champagne.” Um, yeah, so what? You want to start a war over it? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

1. Bicycle, Bicycle! I want to ride my bicycle…: In England the cyclists are suicidal. The cyclists share the roads with cars, and there is no designated bicycle lane. London streets are not straight. They’re mostly curvy and the taxis, cars and buses fly around as if they’re in a Grand Prix race. The cyclists, without helmets as well, weave in and out of traffic with aplomb. What’s nice is that since cars are on the opposite side of the road over there, at most crosswalks they painted “Look right” or “Look left” for the pedestrians. I only almost got clipped by a taxi once.

1A. Hyde Park is good for jogging and snogging: London’s Hyde Park, which is akin to New York’s Central Park is good for “jogging and snogging” as my sarcastic tour guide put it. I’m not sure if the jogging and snogging are simultaneous or occur on separate trips, but it’s nice they’ve put up a sign and designated an area of the park for it.

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As always, if you enjoy #ThePhilFactor please share by hitting a social media button or two below. Have a great Tuesday! Au Revoir!

TBT: Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s The Phil Factor!

A year ago at this time I was going to England. I have this terrible job that makes me go to all these terrible places.

(05/03/2014) If all goes as planned I’ll be standing on British soil, or pavement, when you read this. That is, if customs lets me in the country. I’m hoping that by the time I arrive I’ll see t-shirts with the picture below on them in all the airport gift shops.

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Oy, citizens of England, I have a few questions for you:

What is with your food names? Bangers and Mash, Bubbles and Squeak, Fish and chips, Thelma and Louise. Why always two thingsAny chance you could name some of your foods after the stuff that’s in them? I’m a picky eater and I’m going to have a heck of a time trying to figure out what to eat.

Greenwich Mean Time (GMT): Why not Greenwich Friendly Time? If the time is a Mean, does that mean that it’s the average of all the times? How about just Greenwich Time? Then there’s BST, British Summer Time. Is there a clock that will tell me when it’s Pub Time? That’s the time I really want to be sure of.

Freeman

The Martin Freeman Syndrome: I’ve watched a lot of English shows on the telly in preparation for my trip and it appears that England has only five actors and actresses who are in all the shows. Martin Freeman must be the best of them because he’s in every single show.

Cinco de Mayo: The Mexican holiday, which translated means five spoonfuls of mayonnaise. I’m going to be in England for Cinco de Mayo.  Is there a good Mexican restaurant in London?

The accent: Are the English as enamored of the American accent as we are of their accent? Will an Englishman punch me if I spend all week trying to speak with an English accent and use English phrases?

Are the Buckingham Palace guards sick of selfies yet? That’s got to be the worst. They’re just stuck standing there, unmoving, while thousands of tourists take selfies with them. I can’t wait to take lots of selfies with all kinds of English stuff. The Stonehenge selfie. The Queen selfie. The Big Ben selfie. The Royal Jewels selfie. The Eye selfie. I’ll probably be banned from Facebook on both sides of the pond after this trip.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. By next week I’ll be sure to have more questions and maybe some answers to these questions. Have a great weekend! ~Phil

The Top Ten Things Airlines Should Change

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I’m traveling this week, and it’s hard not to notice how some airlines have stripped down the comforts of flying to save money. On some airlines it’s so bad  that I’m surprised the seats aren’t just lawn furniture duct taped to the floor. Obviously when I’m elected President, or Sexiest Man Alive, whichever comes first, I’m going pass laws mandating minimum standards of comfort on flights. Here are The Top Ten Things Airlines Should Change:

1. Heated massage seats: Seriously, how great would this be?

2. When boarding the passengers, fill the plane from back to front: This would prevent people from walking down the aisle hitting all the other passengers with their ridiculously oversized “carry on” and from preventing you from getting to your seat while they clog the aisle like a piece of human cholesterol (the bad kind) trying to jam their bag in the overhead compartment. And you first class people can stop your whining now. Whether you get on first or last the plane still leaves at the same time.

3. Have the pilot mix in a loop de loop now and then: Flights are boring. This would spice things up a bit. Hello passengers, please fasten your seat belts and put your hand on top of your drinks.. My co-pilot Bucky just bet me ten dollars that I can’t get this thing to do a barrel roll. 

4. Just let us roll down the window a little bit: There’s nothing worse than sitting next to the farty passenger in the stale, stagnant, recycled air. Sometimes I want to pull down the oxygen mask just to get a fresh breath. We’d only need to roll down the windows a little. They could put a lock on them so we can’t put them down far enough to get our heads out. (who just pictured being in a plane with your head out the window like a dog?)

5. Themed Flights: Just like themed cruises. Costumes, music, Disney characters, whatever. Hooters flights, why not?

6. A USB charging port at every seat: This is the biggest no-brainer ever.

7. A Shoes on policy: I don’t care what you’re reason is, no one should take their shoes off on a flight. It’s not a beach and I don’t need to see or smell your feet.

8. McDonald’s food on board: Or any decent baseline food that most people can recognize or accept. Airline food is not acceptable and under the Geneva Convention of 1949 qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment.

9. The flight attendants should have sedatives: Not for anxious passengers, but for obnoxious ones. The flight attendants could release it remotely through those little blowers above each seat and the annoying passenger would doze off for the rest of the flight not even knowing why.

10. What’s Your Seat Wheel! All seats, including first class, will be determined by a spin of the wheel at the gate. How fun would that be? There will also be a mystery celebrity on board every flight and the seat next to them is also on the wheel. Congratulations! You didn’t get first class, but you do get to sit next to Dustin Diamond!

abcnews.go.com

abcnews.go.com

If you enjoyed what you read at #ThePhilFactor today please share by hitting the Facebook, Twitter or reblog buttons below. Have a great Tuesday! ~Phil